ENTRY #836

I'm not watching The Bachelor next season. I'm done. The premise of the show is that he is supposed to pick a bride at the end of the game and if he thinks that is too scary or not appropriate then don't go through 12 weeks of interviewing to get the job as The Bachelor. It makes for bad TV to see some southern school teacher that sings nursery rhymes every time a child is around get a ring to wear on her neck rather then a proposal. And he only picked her because she wouldn't have to move across the country since she already lives near him making her that much easier to shake. I made more of a commitment to that show then Travis did.
And Moana, you're a nut job.

Yesterday when posting OOPS THERE GOES MY STREET CRED I said that at the casino on Friday, "they all lost." Then I received this from Matt Schnurr:
"Who lost? I made $140 bucks the first round, and then Rudy dropped me off after the gig so I didn't have to get all Hollywood. I made another $180 and cabbed it home at 6:30am. That makes $320 for the night!!!"
I stand corrected, three of them lost, "the winner" stayed at the casino all night. Weird he's still single.

We have red vines in our vending machine.

AKO NEEDS A LICENSE PLATE FRAME is over. The entries were horrible. Horrible. It's a new all white mustang with a man in his late 20's at the wheel! The possibilities are endless! So you all lose and Hime wins with "Ako's ride, Daddy's payment." Hime, come by so we can take a current photo of you with the dark circles under your eyes and your hundred dollar bill. Sorry Ako, we let you down.

So I was happy to find out that in two years Mikey is going to come here and run things. All I have to do is tell him "what to do and when to do it." That will be a nice break from what I do now.

ENTRY #835

Come on kids, the best entries so far for AKO NEEDS A LICENSE PLATE FRAME have all been from people not eligible to win. We got "White Chocolate," "My other car is Atiba" and "Wrong Color, Right Car," all from non-kid entries (although, Caffrey, you're always a kid to me). There's $100 cash to be won and you get your picture on The Tap. What else could you want? Send your entries to AKO NEEDS A LICENSE PLATE FRAME 22500 S Vermont Ave Torrance CA 90502 by March 8th!

Rickk lost $600 playing poker in Sacramento. Way to bluff.

The Mez and Smyth are leaving for Australia tomorrow. When they return on the 13th of March we will have the true results of who is my closer friend. The Mez didn't even tell me he was going so I think that's a clue to who really is my true friend.

OOPS THERE GOES MY STREET CRED goes to The Gav today. He told me on Friday night when he got to the casino, Rickk was about to get in a fight. The first thing Timmy thought to himself was, "gosh, small vulnerable me just wants to play some cards, not fight." No one ended up fighting, but they all ended up losing at poker.

Airborne now comes in grapefruit flavor. It seems like we pass the flu around enough here to get a sponsorship.

ENTRY #834

Last night at the gym I realized that the song "Physical" by Olivia Newton John is not about working out, it's about screwing. There's a lyric in there that goes, "there's nothing left to talk about, horizontally." That video she put out with that song is just a little deceiving. Was she a whore when she made Grease? I'm sort of bummed.

Gold's Gym Update: No, they weren't playing Olivia Newton John, that's on my iPOD. But the biggest idiots at Gold's are all originally from Florida it turns out. Last night I was on the tread mill and this girl in a Gators t-shirt asked me 4 times how to adjust the incline on her machine. I realize I have a Gold's t-shirt on, but Jesus, ask a trainer, I'm an amateur. I finally had to get off my tread mill and stand on the tread mill with smarty pants and show her how to do it. She thanked me by telling me, "I owe you a shot." Do you think she meant steroids?

Yesterday I was approached with some column material by Lee of The Skateboard Mag. He forwarded me some email correspondence between he and Bird. It didn't make a lot of sense to me, I usually only see "b/s 180 flip" on invoices, so I asked Rickk what it all meant. He explained that Lee had said Bird had bad style or no style or ugly style. Right away I related to Bird because when I was at drill team camp one year, one of the girls that was a co-captain of the team told me that I "just looked weird" when I performed. So Bird, I know all about bitches saying you have ugly style.
Just move on, Bird. Lee's a pretty tough guy, I mean after all one time he told me he wasn't afraid to punch a girl.

Revival Matt told us that the other night The Gav wouldn't stop buying "those lemon things" for everyone. I don't think since Tim discovered "those lemon things" he as stopped buying them.

ENTRY #833

If you have mono, you might want to look for support from anyone other then Rickk or Cliver. Cliver hinted that I might have cancer and Rickk came right out and said "sometimes people think they have mono but they have aids." Thanks, buddies.

You're not going to win AKO NEEDS A LICENSE PLATE FRAME by sending in the name of your small company that you need to promote. Ako has his own promotion to worry about. But that doesn't mean there aren't a million other choices for a heterosexual guy in his late 20's that has decided to drive a white Mustang. And there's cash in the prize this time, $100! Send your entries to AKO NEEDS A LICENSE PLATE FRAME c/o The Tap 22500 S Vermont Ave Torrance CA 90502. (Also note, "You Wish" cannot be an entry as a stripper at my gym grabbed it first).

I was waiting for Supra Pete to call me and tell me how lame the U.S.A. was because our hockey team got beat but how's Canada doing? And Russia? Keep me posted, Pete.

ENTRY #832

Holy Flinstones! Normally I leave around 4 but yesterday I was here until 5, well maybe 4:54, but I was on my way to my car and four employees were not just on the way to their cars but already pulling out of the parking lot. Rickk says that on the Flinstones, "at least they wait for the bird or the bell or whatever." I guess if we tried that thing Podium does, closing on Friday, people here at Girl would be leaving on Wednesday.

We're having a contest! This is how it goes: This grouchy rep stopped by and made fun of a sample of a truck I had on my desk or of me for having a sample truck on my desk and then I told him he looked terrible with bags under his eyes and smelled like cigarettes and somehow we ended up with this contest called AKO NEEDS A LICENSE PLATE FRAME. The winner gets their picture up on The Tap, $100 cash and a thank you note from The Tap staff. Long story short, we need a license plate frame for a heterosexual guy in his late 20's to put on his white Mustang. Send your entries to AKO NEEDS A LICENSE PLATE FRAME c/o The Tap 22500 S Vermont Ave Torrance CA 90502. Entries must be received by 3/8/06. (Please note, "Ako's Car, Daddy's payment" has already been submitted).

Gold's Gym Update! I went to the gym for the first time in three weeks since I've been sick. I just went to take a yoga class and I pretty much laid there the entire time but I was shocked at the amount of people that came up to me to ask me where I've been. I have real friends at the gym. It was awesome.
Also, in the yoga class, the girl with the devils tail tatted down her leg told me my shoes were "sick." Good to be back.

Today I convinced Spike to not like someone that I don't like. You might think that makes me petty, but I think it makes Spike weak. Lame for you, Adam.

ENTRY #831

I'm over The Bachelor. Oh, and I'm listening to Neil Young's "Harvest Moon" and am reading a Tom Robbins novel. There, now it's a blog.

ENTRY #830

On Friday someone said to me, "I saw in your blog....". I would like to make sure we are all clear this in not a blog. Are we clear?

And also, don't call Bird on the weekend mornings after he's been drinking. If you thought he was a dick at the club when he was drinking, the morning after with a hang over is Super Total Dick.

I have to go get my outfit ready for tonight's special, The Bachelor, The Women Tell All. It's the episode before the finale when all the sad bitter rejects come back to tell their side of the story.

ENTRY #829

Really low energy so expect even worse posts then usual....

The other day I told Rickk that the new movie that just came out called "8 Below" with the husky dogs is an adaptation of "8 Mile" but with dogs. He said, "you're retarded, dogs are gonna be rappin' in the movie?"
I'm retarded.

ENTRY #828


ENTRY #827

Not to be out done by his son, Spike's dad bought an apartment right across the street in New York. Nothing says, "I'm proud of you son" more then being upstaged. Nice work, Art.

The roof's almost done. When we're done with the roof, we're going to get the building painted. Yesterday Rickk asked the painter, "Can you do stripes and stuff?" My advice to any and all of you going into a business partnership is look for the dreamers for partners, they never disappoint.

The Mez forgot to mention when he was telling you about Bright Eyes, birthdays and man purses that there is another lover of the soft music who's celebrating a birthday today. Happy Birthday, Mez. Long may you soft rock.

Yesterday in a phone call to Hime to discuss his 100 mile bike ride in the desert he told me that, a) his sub rep looks good in his bike shorts, b) he's pretty "good" at bike riding and c) he finished the race in pretty good time.
Liver might be a little dinged up but the ego is in perfect condition.

ENTRY #826

Happy Valentine's Day.

The Bachelor is getting sort of boring. The less catty girls acting like bitches in the house, the less reason to watch. Last night he went on three individual dates and each date had the "hump option" at the end. That's when he hands her a card towards the end of the evening that is supposedly from the host but it's really a hotel key so they can stay together in one room. Or in not so lady like terms, to see if they like each other after they screw. They always close the door after they make out for a bit which makes me think a Pay Per View Bachelor would be genius.
I guess he had the most chemistry with psycho Moana, the distribution manager and Sarah B from Nashville (who I know dots her i's with flowers) because he sent Susan packing. Trav didn't think Susan was genuine. Big mistake on Susan's part telling the other girls in the house she wanted to be an actress, it was the first thing they told him when he would ask how they were getting along with the other girls.
So now it's down to Moana and Sarah B. He deserves either of them, he's lame and so are they.

Our receptionist has more then one "nutty" tattoo. She also has a squirrel on her hip. Wait, it gets better. It's blue and yellow because those (read this next part really slow) were her soccer colors. Just when I thought I could never have a more favorite receptionist. You win, Lu.

Turns out River Joe has some sort of culinary degree. Weird.

ENTRY #825

Mez, "Wonder Boy" is a way better name, you win the contest. Also, please check around, there is no way Wonder Boy would leave a candle burning. Just no way.

OOPS THERE GOES MY STREET CRED was going to be Spike again so we're passing on it.

We were going to add a new feature called, LOADED COMMENT GIRL. There's one at every company, in every circle of friends, everywhere you go. We decided against it because, well... I can't remember why. But here's the one I was going to kick it off with. Spike has a LOADED COMMENT GIRL friend and whenever she would see Rickk or I she would give us a condescending head tilt and say, "how's your little company?"
Wouldn't this have been a great feature? I agree!

The Bachelor is on tonight. Please email Sanger after the show who you think should get the final rose.

ENTRY #824

Would you believe the guy that comes up with the flashy sales slogans for the Crail store lives in San Diego county? It's true. It's not Buscemi either, he's still playing around with denim washes, flashy sales slogans are light years ahead of him.

Smyth, remember when you sent that email asking me to get the roof done while you were out of town? I did but on accident. The whole place smells like a tar pit and about every 20 minutes it sounds like someone is going to come through the roof. About three more days and you can come back to work. You're welcome.

Today Mikey called me and was going to ask me about jury duty and then he said, "never mind". He's trying to pretend he doesn't need me because Spike made him insecure about it. Nice work, Jonze.

Our secretary has a tattoo that she got when she was drunk that says, "TOTALLY NUTZ". That is about 43% gnarlier then if it said "TOTALLY NUTS".

Time to go cradle the children.

ENTRY #823

The only thing nicer then a long drive down the 605 freeway is an even longer one down the 60 freeway. Yep, the nicest thing about going to a meeting at Active is that you get to see who's playing at Camacho's.

We have a winner for LE LEE IS HOME TO STAY contest and it's Reed Parker of New York. I'm not going to post his letter because I'm not sure his friends would like the idea that he wrote "your soft spoken words" in a letter to Lee Smith. Reed also won because the 4 best letters came from Canada and customs forms on a prize is a pain. Congratulations Reed, River Joe will get your prize out tomorrow.

I was going to have a new contest to have people help me come up with a title for Production Brian, our production wizard but I changed my mind. For some reason people like to pick on Brian and he tends to get under people's skin so I figured the titles that might be submitted would be less then flattering. Instead I have given him the name I see fitting, King Mettee. I find that fitting because in a meeting today he said he and I were "on the same crusade". Sorry Mez, I know that's like nails on a chalk board but that's his name.

ENTRY #822

For the past few weeks I've been driving my sister's car as mine is in the body shop. Last night I noticed a Fourstar backpack in the trunk that looked full. The car is really clean and has nothing in it so I decided to take a peek. It's a survival kit! It's got a gas mask, $100 cash, water, dry food, contamination suit, etc. I was about to tell my brother about it but before I could he told me that our family is having an "emergency/catastrophe meeting" meeting next week "because it's only a matter of time until there's another terrorist attack."
How's your family doing?

Wait, let me get this straight, The Mez emails Rickk in another country last year to tell Rickk to tell me to mellow out because he's "running a clean ship over here" and then he gets to use that motto yesterday? Or is Mikey really contributing more then I know?

Every year around Valentine's Day there's all those commercials for "Name a star after someone." Someone gave me that as a gift one time and it's really confusing. Of course the thought is what counts but don't I seem like a loser if at any point I try and point out "my star?" And who owns the galaxy? Can you just take things like that from the universe? Help me, Ben, I know this has to be a big hit in the magical world of wizards.

I hope OOPS THERE GOES MY STREET CRED doesn't get too Rickk/Spike heavy but today again is Spike and we'll just give you the direct quote,"Come stay at my place, there's no furniture but really nice sheets and towels."

I have to go, our Canadian distributor thinks Cliver works here.

ENTRY #821

Yesterday Bird was telling me about his weekend and he said, "Somehow I ended up at the Snake Pit drinking red wine." I like how Kelly never really knows how he ends up places. That's just more of his charm.

OOPS THERE GOES MY STREET CRED: Spike is bi-coastal now.

The Mez documented Rickk pooping near a train track on Saturday and then on Sunday documented Mikey's dog Hyphy pooping into the hand of Mikey's girlfriend, Desa. Not sure what your new project is Mez but it seems edgy.

GOLD'S GYM UPDATE: After months of telling me he was coming back to Gold's, The Gav joined 24 hour fitness. Trader.
But more Golds, last night they were filming a commercial for some muscle powder crap and all these guys had these black suits on that were really difficult to get on. They all had Bengay on too because I guess it warms your muscles up so you can dive right in to power lifting. They asked people working out nearby to sign a release and I said "no" and the camera guy said, "why" and I said "because I don't want to be in the commercial," and he said "you'll just be in the background" and I said "I didn't come here to perform, I came here to work out." When he was walking away I think I heard him say, "bitch" but I could be wrong.

We're getting a new roof, we'll post photos when it's done.

ENTRY #820

Congratulations to Andy and Jennifer Mueller who welcomed in little baby Mueller on Saturday night!

ENTRY #819

Spike always tells me that one day, when Mikey is older, he won't ask me questions anymore and that I will be sad. Wrong! Today I explained to him where maggots come from, how to get rid of them and that he must throw out all food that is in the maggot infested area. He will always need me and you can't stand that, Spike.

OOPS THERE GOES MY STREET CRED goes back to Rickk again. Did you know that three times Rickk has tried to make sweatpants for Girl and they didn't sell?. Yep, three times, sweatpants.

River Joe told me that the rat that they caught on the roof was "about the size of a large In 'N Out cup." The guy that caught him was almost as creepy as Ronald McDonald.

Today I was upstairs and while Johannes was telling a story, I took a good look at The Mez' hair. He didn't know I was looking at it because he was listening to the story, too. It's so feathered. So feathered! It's like porn feathered. Blow drying your hair and driving a Mustang? I think it's safe to say Mrs. The Mez is the luckiest lady around.

I have to go forward an email that Koston sent me to everyone on my email list.

ENTRY #818

Hey Mez, want to know what I had for lunch? Crab cakes with thinly sliced mini cucumbers and a light pesto sauce, broiled salmon with soy beans and black mushrooms followed by petit fours. (Now imagine me as I write this giggling).

ENTRY #817

This really isn't a Golds Gym Update but last night at the gym this girl was talking to me and she used the word "deem". That is such a red alert that you're dealing with a D&D fan. Right, Ben?. Then she told me that she's going to Ireland in May. What do they have in Ireland? Castles!. Ben, if that imaginary girlfriend in Brooklyn starts to get hard to maintain, let me know. I think we could have a love connection.

The Gav called me last night on his ride to the driving range. Here are what I think are the 5 things he told me that I think you might find interesting:
1. He reads Transworld Business cover to cover.
2. He realized on his honeymoon that he needs to take more vacations.
3. DVS sponsors a lot of different sports.
4. A friend gave him free passes for the driving range.
5. Pat Lawlor was supposed to collaborate with Gav on that drum solo.

Today's episode of OOPS THERE GOES MY STREET CRED brings us to The Gav.
The Gav reads Transworld Business cover to cover

Last night I watched the Winter X-Games for a while and saw some of the snow mobile competition. You know how cool it looks right before a horse race starts with the horses all lined up and clean looking? OK, well now imagine the opposite. The beginning of the race looks like a bunch of hyper idiots on neon Sea Doo's.

ENTRY #816

There is still time to get your letters in to Le Lee so that we have a healthy stack of mail for him when he gets back from Spain. Remember, the prize isn't just a box of crap from anyone's office, it's from River Joe's. And his office is the warehouse! Send your letters to LE LEE IS HOME TO STAY c/o The Tap 22500 S Vermont Ave Torrance CA 90502. (And Pat Lawlor, if you want to enter this one, I won't eliminate you because you're our friend).

The Bachelor. The Bachelor. The actual bachelor is a complete tool, I'm surprised that I haven't seen him at Golds, but the show is some fine television. All the girls were hating on Moana because at first she was acting like she wasn't into Travis but now she's getting really competitive and wants him. They got a massage together at which point her entire back was exposed. Guess who has a lower back tat? Yep, Moana. She hasn't talked much about her job but has referred to herself as a "distribution manager" ( Hey, aren't we all?). She seems like she could be a total bitch so I'm glad he kept her. Travis went on a one on one date with Jehan from Chicago at which time she told him that she was married to someone that only married her to become a citizen. What an ass! That's something you tell him after he tells you he loves you or maybe after your married. Don't spill the skeletons out of the closet when you're trying to get a rose. The girl that I wanted him to end up with got the boot last night. But Sarah from Canada, who happens to be the favorite of Frosty's girl, got a rose. (Ash, I think it's safe to say after the Ugg boot outfit, she's white trash). Next week they come back to America so Travis can meet their families. Awesome!

Here's a new feature to my column. It's called, OOPS THERE GOES MY STREET CRED. Each day I will reveal a characteristic of someone in the Crail family that you might find surprising. Sometimes more surprising then other times. Let's start with Rickk. Did you know he worked at Cinnabon for a year and before he moved to California they were about to give him keys to the place.

I have to go, I'm meeting my nephew for lunch who may soon have a column on Crail.

ENTRY #815

Gold's Gym Update: A few things for you:
1. I almost drank out of the wrong water bottle at the gym last night. My heart dropped. That would be like not using a toilet seat cover in a brothel, very scary!
2. There is a guy that works out at the gym that looks like a murderer. He just does. Last night when I was leaving, he was right behind me which meant that he would be in the underground parking structure with me which I believe is one of the prime spots for being murdered. So I held the door for him. My theory was that he wouldn't murder someone that was polite to him. I can't help that I'm so smart, I was born this way.
3. And lastly, one of the girls that I take the Killer Abs class with was organizing a "Pub crawl." I've heard of them before but didn't know the rules and regulations of how one really works. Big mistake when I asked how one works, lots of weird stares. The good news is I think my "dumb question" got me uninvited to the event.

EA's rebuttal to my apprehension about the new office arrangement upstairs:
"Bright Eyes talk spawns ideas, Ringer, many ideas. Besides, me being next to The Mez detracts him from his frequent jaunts off to Sam's office to talk about 'team stuff' and 'promotions stuff' and Mitch Hedberg. He's even rubbing off on Jeremy a little. Up until yesterday, Jeremy thought that Belle & Sebastian were a two piece from England with funny names. Besides, with Charlene over on the South Side now, Brian needs some new people to complain about. He's clearly afraid of Jeremy & Coleman and is still on the new guy best behavior thing, that just leaves The Mez & Me."

I guess The Mez is only going to post survey's from The Crail Store that list The Randoms as their favorite. Might want to keep that in mind when you're hoping to get your survey posted.

ENTRY #814

My sister got married about three years out of high school to the famous BMXer, RL Osborn. The marriage only lasted a year and they remain good friends to this day. The wedding was on Super Bowl Sunday about 20 years ago and the date always sticks in my head, January 26, yesterday. So every year on that day I call her to tell her "Happy Anniversary" and every year she thanks me, never asking why I don't remember the anniversary of she and her current husband who have been married for 15 years. She's awesome.

I don't like the new office arrangement upstairs. It feels wrong. The Mez and My Little Dumpling that close together is too emo. So much Bright Eyes talk, probably makes us about half as productive as we could be.

Scuba Lee emailed me the other day, I haven't heard from him in years. He was just pointing out that although Frosty appears to be a model citizen, he's not. In his email he included an email from Eric sent from the "Girl Australia trip" that simply said, "oh yeah, we're hammered." No wonder Rudy booted him.

Buscemi let me know that the item that was emailed to me, his little "feature" in a skate magazine turned out differently then he had thought. "I thought it was going to be small, ya know, like something on a 1/4 page in Maxim." Jeez, Jon, stop twisting my arm, I already said it was lame, what more do you want from me?

ENTRY #813

Ever wake up in the morning and just think to yourself "wow?" Me too.

There's still time to win the goodies in the LE LEE IS HOME TO STAY contest. We have gotten some great letters that I think will make Lee never leave us again, but don't let that discourage you. You could win! Send your entries to LE LEE IS HOME TO STAY c/o The Tap 22500 S Vermont Ave Torrance CA 90502.

Smyth, how am I supposed to end the New Era fantasy if you post pictures of peoples collections? Stop it, you pissed me off enough with all that talk about your New Era with the ear flaps.

I got a good luck charm today as a gift to put in my car. How cool would that have been if I had it last week before the girl in the huge Roxy sunglasses lost control of her Prizm?

ENTRY #812

Hey Meza, where is Koston?

I made a new friend at the gym and she told me she has 200 employees. She said she guesses about 1 in 50 of them DOESN'T talk shit on her on a regular basis. So I have about 50 employees and that means only 1 person here? Jenkins? Koston? Rickk? Maybe her odds are better then mine.

The Bachelor. What a piece of perfection. My very favorite part of the show is that the girl that didn't get a rose cried. She talked about how "perfect we are for each other" and "this just makes no sense." (That was Buscemi's favorite part too, maybe he can write about that in his next profile in a magazine) But the other two highlights were:
1. Sarah from Canada when she said, "I'm not feelin' this." Lame, I hate when I go on reality shows to get a husband and then I'm just not feelin' it. Such a bummer.
2. Travis (The Bachelor) promised Sarah from Canada that he wouldn't kiss anyone before he kissed her then he dry humped Susan from Kansas City on the balcony of the restaurant where they went on their date. I hope if he plans on giving Susan the final rose he has some back up financial plan other then being a doctor. She said her idea of the perfect date is flying in a private jet to a yacht and having a nice bottle of wine.

The Lakai trip seems to be doing just fine. Ty, Rickk and Cairo swam in shark infested waters and then were going to the "oldest skatepark in the world." When I questioned Rickk on how they could know it was the oldest skatepark in the world he told me they "Googled it." Not just great guys, they're each genius as well.

ENTRY #811

Last night Kobe got 81 points in the game against The Raptors. And no, still not a Laker fan but I did like how he kept trying to say that the team win was more important then anything. We know Kobe. We know.

Today's Diamond Nick's birthday! We have cupcakes, strippers, cupcakes, fireworks, cupcakes and gifts but Nick chose a photo shoot over all of that. That's OK.
Happy Birthday, Nicky.

I thought Ben Colen didn't use real money and didn't even have real bills and stuff. It just doesn't seem like a wizard would have any of that. But he called today about an invoice he emailed over so I guess he isn't as magical as we thought. Bummer.

My right eye has been twitching for three days. I told my brother and he said, "maybe you have a brain tumor and it's effecting your optic nerve". See River Joe, inheriting my part of Girl might not be that far down the road.
Just remember to enforce that lunch table rule that I've done so well with during my time here.

I got an email on Friday of some sort of interview thing that Buscemi did in a skate magazine. Jon, please.

ENTRY #810

We're having a contest. This is how it works. So Sam and Diana have their own pile of mail that they are gathering for Le Lee but let's get an even bigger pile of mail together, a pile of mail so big that Lee will never leave us again. That's where you come in. You send us a letter that we will pass on to Le Lee but before we pass it on, we will read it. The letter that seems the most sincere and that we think will touch Le Lee the most, wins a box of crap. You know how we always give out a box of crap from someone's office as the prize? Well this box of crap is coming from the best office in the building, River Joe's office. His office is the warehouse which means you're not going to be getting some old video's and bad sticker samples. You'll be getting sort of old videos and stickers that didn't sell that well. But you'll also get a deck and some trucks and this will all come to you with a UPS label generated by River Joe. (This premise of this contest is so lost).
Send your letters to; Le Lee Is Home To Stay c/o The Tap 22500 S Vermont Ave Torrance CA 90502.
Canadian entries, chill out.

My car got hit by a girl who "lost control" of her car today at the bank. TGIF!

Other then that, it's very quiet here today. Some of the staff went to the Agenda show in San Diego. If that thing becomes the next ASR, I'll strangle whoever said they thought we should have a "presence" there.

Today EA came clean and told me that he felt like Carnalag broke up The Fucking Book Club. Let's just change it to the beer club so you can stay committed, Jeremy. We'll have a beer tasting every Friday starting on the 27th. We'll work out the details with Smyth. And like I always hear my neighbor yell to his buddy when he's going to get beer, "No Sam Adams!"

ENTRY #809


ENTRY #808

Jenkins, don't read this, I'm still working on restoring your faith in mankind.

You know what's really cool? When people email you for no interaction, just to sort of "show you" or "tell you." I like that a lot. It really makes you want to continue to respond to their "correspondence." Humans, they're terrific.

How come The Bachelor can't be on every night? Last night I watched Meet The Barkers. They're lucky to have each other.

I also had salad and mud pie for dinner last night with Supra Pete. It was his suggestion but what a girly man! He said, before he ordered, "what's that really good dessert they have here" and I told him it was mud pie and then he said, "well, I'll just have salad so I can have dessert". Not very Canadian of you, Pete. He also told me not to tell people that he was going to Coldplay two nights in a row. Or maybe he told me just to not tell Rickk? I can't remember but I'll let you know what he tells me not to tell anyone.

I'm trying to figure out what to put in Sam's office while he's in Spain visiting Le Lee. Maybe Le Lee's mail? Diana? And Sam, it goes without saying but in an effort to keep our new sappy friendship alive and kicking, open house isn't the same without you.

ENTRY #807

Lakers beat the Heat last night which just goes to show there is no real karma.

The Bachelor continues to be the best thing to happen to television in the last decade. Last night on one of the dates it was one of the girls birthday so the bachelor took her into a private room and gave her a cake and she said it was the best birthday she'd ever had. Really? A cake with bad decorating and the hope that the doctor from West Virginia might pick you on television or maybe might not pick you and you cry in front of the entire world is the best birthday? Things must have sucked up until this point.

Lee, while Sam is visiting you, Diana is managing the "Lee's mail pile" solo. Although she had never tackled this task without the aide of Sam, she feels confident that she can do it. She's just a little confused on why Sam didn't take it with him since he was coming to see you but she'll tackle that later. One issue at a time.

I knew Bob K was going to work his dog into the Daily Photo. I knew it. And that's fine but this only means that when Mikey gets his week, it's all Hyphy, all week.

Smyth, we're building a plexiglass cage surrounding the snack machine. Larson feels nervous that once he puts his money in some joker is going to run up behind him and punch in A2 (Fritos) when he really wanted B2 (Goldfish crackers). At first it seemed really paranoid of him to think that would happen and then I remembered Rickk will be back soon. So, we're building it.

ENTRY #806

So far from the photos I've seen, the Lakai guys in Australia have seen lots of kangaroos. That should be good in the video.

Hey Brad and BA, there's a certain someone in SF right now that you might want to pay a visit to. I don't want to say his name but he deserves a punch in the face!

I sort of felt bad when I saw The Mez this morning because Smyth and Rickk are both out of town but then I remembered that The Gav just got back in town. The Mez wouldn't trade quality time with The Gav for anything you can think of.

If a wrestler can be governor, why not a vampire?

ENTRY #805

It's Friday the 13th. Are you skeered?

I hope Mikey doesn't realize that he wasn't invited to Eminem's wedding until after the ceremony is over, tomorrow night. Mikey would bum out to know that Marshall didn't invite his biggest fan.
And Marshall, don't write hit songs about him if you're not going to invite him to special events.

Zach Slater update! Yesterday when Kendall got home from the hospital (she was at the hospital because she thought she had a miscarriage but she's fine and the baby is fine) Zach had presents and flowers all over her apartment for her. And he offered to go get her any kind of food she wanted for dinner.
Do you see why I fell in love with him? I wonder if he likes shallow girls....

The Mez has some sort of pegged cords on today.

Larson doesn't have a computer right now and so he's wandering around talking to people, taking out their trash, telling jokes. It's pretty sweet. I might fire him from the Art Dump and re-hire him as company host.

I think it's really lame that Mettee's been gone for a week and not one quote about him in the Randoms. You mean to tell me the company tyrant has been gone for 5 days and no one talked shit? I don't believe that for a minute.

ENTRY #804

Anybody watching The Biggest Loser? I cried twice last night at the beginning when they were weighing in and then I ended up being so mad at this one girl. She was on a treadmill crying! She hated exercising so much that she was crying and shrieking, "I'm going to fall off, I'm going to fall off, help me." Pretty bummed to have wasted tears on her.

Mez, there's a list of about seven words we don't use on Crail and one of them is "diaphram." Ask Bob K for the other six.

I wish this was a Golds Gym Update but it's not. There's a girl I know that has fallen in love with Zach Slater from the soap opera All My Children. That's about as lame as sleeping with the guy with the Superman tattoo, right?
She's really cool though, she's not lame at all. And Zach Slater doesn't have any tattoos. And he owns a casino.

Gav, I just realized how lame that one gift I gave you for Christmas was after seeing Rudy's Daily Photo. I know you like tie dye t-shirts but you're not going to make one yourself! So sorry about the tie dye kit, if you haven't already, take it to the Goodwill on Torrance Blvd, the one on PCH is a nightmare to get out of the drop off area.

ENTRY #803


ENTRY #802

Maybe there is still some debate if anyone keeps it more real then Atiba, but no one can argue that no one keeps it as considerate as Atiba. We got an invoice from him for a photo we used or Paul Rodriguez about 6 months ago. It was his usual rate. But there was a second little line under the price that said, "Discount because he quit" and we got 20% off. That's a nice photographer.

The new season of The Bachelor started last night. This one chick that started off her conversation with The Bachelor saying that she is ready to reproduce right away. I know nothing says "keeper" to a guy more then the discussion of your fertility and biological clock. He let her go which is a total bummer because the crazier the girls are on the show, the better quality of the season.

Does it mean I am watching too much TV if I know that Subway has 8 delicious subs with 6 grams of fat or less and that McDonalds is now marketing to people on a budget?

Jamie, the old receptionist with braces that is now the Crail Store manager with braces has whatever is just a bit more mild then the Bird Flu. After contaminating all of us, she went to the doctor to find out she needs to be in quarantine. That's how much we like her, she can give us all a deadly flu and we're still keeping her.

ENTRY #801

Before Rickk's flight to Australia, he asked if he could get a temporary filling at a drugstore once he gets to Sydney. I wonder where he's really from....

Did you know if you want to be a soldier on the front lines of battle, the three most important things are to be agile, hostile and mobile. Too bad Bird isn't backing the war, he's three for three on this one. Actually they might not take him since he's so over qualified in the "hostile" department.

River Joe might have to get a name change. The old Joe would miss Monday's because he was in jail in Havasu. The new Joe says things like, "How was your weekend." He also cleaned the warehouse so well you can eat off the floor (If you're coming to our open house next week, eat off the floor, seriously). I'm thinking maybe Gentleman Joe. But he still has some "river ways." He had a skin industry t-shirt on the other day, that's pretty river.

Yesterday I told my trainer that I hadn't eaten any candy in the new year all the while I could feel a gummi bear stuck in my tooth.