ENTRY # 70NOVEMBER 13, 2002 I want to give a shout out to Smyth for putting something even more gross then Bob K on Crail. "Love Muscle"? Smyth, I was going to send you this whole long letter about how much everyone at Girl loved you (since you made that comment that you had worked at Girl for 3 years and hadn't ever been told that anyone loved you) and then you taint the site with the words "love muscle"? I think it's time for a Sam/Le Lee intervention. That french fuck is ruining you! First you run the "merlot goatee" and now this? Come on Smyth, The French Thug doesn't care about anyone but himsellf. I heard a rumor that he was going to try and steal Lee Smith's identity and get the real Lee deported. Crail Book Club: While Mueller is trying to remain the king of ping pong, plan a wedding and finish the Lakai catalog, Bob K is trying to get him to shoot photos of his new facial hair. This is why, when we party together, things end up in the fire. And cell phones end up in Koston Canyon. Wait, maybe it isn't Bob K with the problem.... Jenkins has a new tattoo around his calf. It looks like an actual chain and it just says: OFF DA CHAIN. Looks like OCX is working. New car, new ink, new attitude. It's hard to keep track of the club that is opening but it was originally THE LEMON DROP and Gavin wanted too much ownership. He got ousted and then Bird stepped in, as team manager of the OCX pillow fighting team, took some ownership and changed the name of the club to HARSH HALF TOP. Smyth is working his percentage off bartending and has all these new french habits from being around Le Lee, wants to call the club RASPBERRY BERET, Rick is still trying to credit claim to open a bar, can't own anything without Carroll and is now insisting the name of the bar be SUSAN B ANTHONY. Video Budget: No problem.
ENTRY # 69 Tim Gavin, the new Michael Jackson of Skateboarding? All he needs is a chimp named Bubbles and he's set. Oh, wait he does have a chimp named Bubble, Mike Carroll. Keep up the good work boys. If anyone knows of a good locksmith, can you give Koston a call? Needs some locks changed, pronto. Looks like we're have in a full blown bachelor party Wednesday night at Casa De Rickoo. He picks the final victim that gets to spend the rest of her life with the thickest thighs known to man. Well, if you don't count Rick Howard. Spike and McCrank were a little offended at the idea that people did not think they were "bad ass" enough to be referred to as a gang. "One time, I fucking gobbled up a parking ticket right in front of a cop". Holy gnarly, we take back what we said, you guys are fully a gang. Ok, I'm tired but stay tuned for tomorrow when we discuss: Buscemi and Rick requesting you not include them in those e-mails that are sent to 3000 people, Mike Carroll's vision dreams of passion, The new official name of the McCrank and Spike club, the possibility of McCrank having double sponsors due to a snowboarding career, the guy in the background of the Koston clip in Goldfish, the largest video budget known to man, Biebels' "No shoes in the house" policy and more.
ENTRY # 68 His name is Hime, OK? No more and no less. Smyth took apart his computer and then tried to explain the feeling of how rad it is to take something apart and put it back together. Now his computer doesn't work. Good Work, Sammy. What about Lee Smith's
cousin trying to ride for Fourstar? I guess his name is Le Lee Smitherre.
I guess he patented these hip packs that you can hold a wine cooler
in and everyone was all impressed. He has two hip hop aerobic classes
he teaches and other then that, I hear he's a pick pocket. If you're looking for Mikey, he's at pilates. Hime called Rick an asshole. Weird, I wonder if Rick will fight him? He probably should. Bob K quit smoking
for $50.00. He got some other offer to start again for about $75 and
I think he couldn't decide what to do. He was smoking those American
Spirits, like the ones Bird smokes, which are actually good for you,
according to Bob. "They're pretty much like vitamins". Kids, smoking
is bad. Nick's current work schedule: 11ish until wheneverish. Pretty awesome. The Bachelor was on fire last night. The guy is such a meat head! When he was in the bath with the hick chick, oh my vomit! His thighs are probably totally huge, they look like they rub together when he walks. He's loaded though, he can probably have the tailor put little sheep skin patches at the thickest part of his thigh so he doesn't get a rash. And if he does get a rash, those chicks on the show are so desperate, I'm sure there isn't much they wouldn't do for the guys hand in marriage. Looks like McCrank is going to be joining the SPIKE JONZE ELECTRIC CAR AND SWEATER VEST CLUB. Spike wanted to call is a "gang" but I have a sneaky feeling McCrank and Spike just don't make up the look needed to call yourself a "gang". One month until the release of Spike's new movie, Adaptation. He wants to do a countdown to the opening day but I think he means like the ball dropping in Time Square, just like an hour countdown. Good Marketing. Jenkins' OCX is sponsoring the WAKE UP AND WAKE OUT wakeboard event this weekend at some lake in Riverside. He had these awesome OCX spring suits made for the wakeboard team. First prize is a teal blue PT Cruiser. Pretty Sick.
ENTRY #67 Kelly Bird called
last night to verify the Laker score with me. Dude, turn on AM690 or
turn to Sports Center. I'm a very busy person and when the refs cheat
the Lakers into a loss, I don't like to be bothered. But this just in,
Bird said something NICE about a female. And not just any female, Kelly's
favorite kind, a female in skateboarding. I don't have it on tape but
he said it, I swear on the OCX Dream Catcher Jenkins gave me this morning.
I'm sure all of you that regularly check this column know that Bob K went to Paris for about 3 months. When he came back, he told us of great food, fun parties and beautiful women. But guess what Bob K forgot to tell us, HE STARTED SMOKING!!! Isn't that cool? And how weird that he forgot to tell us, huh? I wouldn't have even known but today, everyone gathered to watch the Winona verdict and I thought I smelled Ashtray Boy, AKA Eric Anthony. But I looked over and it was Bob K. I then asked a co-worker if Ashtray Boy had loaned Bob K a jacket to which they responded, "Oh, you didn't hear, Bob started smoking in Paris". Good work, Bob. And just for those of you following the life and times of Eric Anthony, he feels like the best thing for society would be if Winona was locked up for about a decade, I guess he hates birds and Winona. Weird. He said he was going to make t-shirts that said "Fuck Winona" but he ended up buying a 12 pack and just shining that idea. A real go getter, that Eric. The Hime would like the flood of women that see his photo on The Tap to not contact him unless you are willing to not cry when he is really mean to you. A good way to test if you can survive The Hime would be to rent "The Champ" and see if you can make it to the end with out crying. If you can, and your over 18 years of age but under 29, send that photo to Tha Tap. You saw the photos of the guys with the trophies, he's not the cute guy with the afro or the hot guy wearing the wig, he's the other guy. Mikey went skating. We'll let you know what hurts when he calls us. I think if you want to start an office pool, bet on the heel. Smyth went out with
Lee's french cousin, the guy won't leave, and he didn't Tivo The Real
World. He was all hung over this morning and had a LaCoste visor on,
that's how we knew he was lying about falling asleep. He was out with
the french thug. Guess what tonight is? The Bachelor! I think he is going to get rid of that southern chick who's stepdad stalked the Crimson Tide and who's real dad is in the slammer. The Bachelor looks like the kind of guy that would try to whisper in a girls ear while they were doing it. Wow, I just almost made myself barf.
ENTRY #66 Sorry about that "typo" ridden column yesterday, I thought the jackass I send these to has a little extra time to spell check but I guess he's all busy now that he went to Paris. He doesn't eat sandwiches anymore, just "panini's". And he keeps calling his pancakes, "crepes". I wonder how you say "goof" in French. Anyone catch up to Lee Dupont about that over time with LA and Portland? I need to know if I need to send him that on tape or DVD. Quick Hair Update: you know that guy you see around, usually in a Dodge van and you say to yourself, "I wonder where he buried the bodies"? Well, Bob K grew the beard that that guy usually has. I can't think of what it is actually called so for now, let's just call it disturbing. Did everyone vote today? Get out there, kids. We don't want the valley to separate from the rest of LA. That would be so lame. The valley is so great in August, I love those days when you wonder if you are going to die from your tongue curling back into your mouth due to the dry heat. In the bad attitude
contest, Bird is still holding a strong lead. Some of the recent quotes
that keep Kelly at the top of his game: Did you know those speed pass things at Mobil are free? It's true so I got one and it doesn't feel gay at all waving that little wand in the air, trying to get the gas pump to respond. It feels fine, give it a try. Stay tuned for Rick and Bird's exclusive club, right now it's just called, GIRLS ARE SMART. I think Rick is VP and Bird's Pres.
ENTRY #65 Hey Lee Dupont, did
you get a chance to see that over time yesterday in The Keeper of The
RIngs game? Well, let me know if you didn't, we have Tivo and are hosting
a "Portland Cry Baby" party. Hime didn't get to
have a shot at fan of the game because he's Koston's 8th favorite person
in the world. So if Koston has tickets, those favorite seven need to
be unable to attend the game in order for Hime to be invited. Sad for
Hime. Speaking of awesome guys, my neighbor got a Sugar Ray CD over the weekend. I hope his CD player breaks so that no one that lives near him keys his car, that would suck. Hopefully he is in a CD sapping circle and he'll get Dave Matthews next, that will really rule. Hair update: Smyth went semi sweet again, Abeyta full military, Jeremy is sort of doing an OCX thing, puffy yet stylish and Rick is in Ny to go to Gino's favorite "Platinum Blonde" salon.
ENTRY #64 The Lakers are in 6th place. Shaq, please, soak the toe and let's get back to work. Oh, and Laker haters need not send me that. Sorry about missing a day on the update, Lee Smith's french cousin was in town and we all ended up staying out all night. The guy is like a surgeon on the dance floor, just gets out there and operates. OCX is off the charts. Mark my words. Jenkins designed these backpacks that will be due for release next summer. Check it: They hold a four pack of wine coolers, hair gel tube and have a pre-printed "Forget the Trophy, Give me the Girl" banner that you can put on the back window of your F150. Is Jenkins Spanish for "So Sick Right Now"? Just a quick hair update, Rob Abeyta may be going back into the army. He finally shed the slicked back "anyone have directions to the Blasters concert whip" and went for a short crew. Leon is doing a sort of Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate and our newest friend, Chick, had his eyebrows cut. Rick and Ty have departed for a week of snow angels and cocoa with Gino in NY. We'll keep you posted on those winter nuts. Gav departed tonight for the Phish show, "I just can't explain how I feel when I'm at one of those shows". Hmmm. Will and Grace bickering? Looks like they could even break up. If someone told you, maybe on Halloween, that The Hime was not the ultimate catch, I would like to apologize on their behalf. Sure, he won't let anyone cry and he can be fairly mean, but come on, who wouldn't want to just hug him? Or maybe feed him?
ENTRY #63 It's Halloween, are you skeered? Mikey's not, he's at pilates as you read this. Just to show you how gnarly he can get. Sam Smyth had some sort of weird story about why he needed the Fourstar tent that Hime uses at demos and stuff. It all sounded a little weird. Sam. come clean, bro. Is it still pre-season for The Keeper of The Rings? They only lost by about 20 points, that ought to make their parents proud. Would someone find out why they keep putting Ty into the game and let me know? He has two torn ACL's and just fist fought a guy without pants on, take him out of the fricking game. Who cares? What about
The Bachelor? I don't watch it but Bob K told me the following: First
off, when girls battle over guys....whatever. I'm not going to even
get into it but this guy has total Roy Clark Ass. He's all thick around
the thighs and ass. Is that hot and someone forgot to tell me? If so,
please get that memo to me. He's meeting the parents right now. If my
daughter brought that guy home, I would just take her a side and ask,
"Have you been sniffing glue, honey? Because that guy is really sickening".
But that's me. I'm shallow and superficial. Stay tuned for the party of the century....in Torrance? WOW!
ENTRY #62 We went to the season
opener of what used to be the Three Peating World Champion Los Angeles
Lakers, they are now simply known as The Keeper of The Rings. I like
that name. I think it will work well with their future. The night started
out very sad with out Chick, some of us cried. The Hime gave us a pass
on this night to cry. Just a shout out to The Gav, the bar near the entrance to section 101 serves lemon drops. Looks like Kelly Bird is either dead or his phone got turned off. The Lakers lose and no phone call? What next Kelly, delivering good news? You're slippin'. Is Koston growing his hair for the part of the stunt double in the new Harry Potter movie? That's awesome. Maybe that means Nick is growing his hair to do stunt double work for Burt Reynolds. I really love when the pieces fall into place. Oh, and Rick must be trying out for the stunt double of Peter Frampton for the musical "Frampton comes alive". Insane! Sorry about that rumor of Marc Johnson smoking. Turns out Rick McCrank is jealous of some old bench pressing record that Marc holds so he likes to just spread vicious rumors about him. Marc said, "I would never smoke to be cool, if I wanted to be cool, I'd call Mikey and see where he got those rims on the Caddy. Duh". Guess what's on tonight? That's right, The Bachelor. I hope the girls have a pillow fight over that guy, he's so dreamy. Tonight he gets to go and meet the parents of the possible victims he might marry. Women sure have come a long way, you really must feel proud to be a woman. Going to live in a house with a bunch of other girls and compete for the attention of a barrel necked ham! You go girls. Laker Halloween Limo: Larson
ENTRY #61 First off, Happy Birthday Nate Nordine.
Sorry Mikey!
ENTRY #58 Josh Caffrey gave Rob Abeyta pink eye. This means Bird already has pink eye since he is Josh's room mate. Bottom line: Stay away from Bird.
Lakers pre-season is sort of like that weird crab meat they give you at the sushi bar that looks real and you think it might taste real but it always tastes like crap. Sorry, that's just me.
We at Crail Tap are officailly for San Francisco in the World Series. One of our founders is is a Nor Cal Kook, our very own team manager is a Nor Cal Kook and none of us ever followed Anaheim before this point so why start now? So this is awesome, we're all for SF and when we watch the final game in a bar in LA and we're the only ones cheering for SF, we'll all get our asses kicked together. I hope Mikey wears his Paul Smith shirt and Lee wears his Chanel Platinum cologne. They're so hot right now. ENTRY #55 I guess all the high lights of our important lives that you all cling to as if it were oxygen will have to wait for tomorrows column. An anonymous e-mailer (very bold and courageous) wrote to me to explain to me the moronic levels I had reached when I commented on the Beltway Sniper a few columns ago. "To mockingly acknowledge a cold blooded killer when lives are being cut down in their prime..". ENTRY #54 Laker owner Jerry Buss collapsed and fainted at a charity beneift yesterday. At first people thought it was a heart attack but it turned out to be some sort of obscure pinched nerve. He was concious when they took him to the hospital and was quoted as saying, "he was more embarrassed then anything else". Wow, I didn't think he got embarrassed. After seeing that hair do, fainting at a charity benefit seems like a proud moment. Jerry is fine and will be at the game when we be the Golden State Warriors. Kelly Bird is a Golden state Warrior fan. It makes perfect sense, I mean if you're in Dallas and drive straight up, it's faster to get to the Warrior arena then to the Staples Center. He really has no choice, remember, he's from Texas. ENTRY #54 Back to the countdown to the season opener for the Three Peating Champion Los Angeles Lakers. Tonights phone call is to Melinda in Costa Mesa. (Sort of weird that she answered on the third ring....get it...ring ring ring..) ENTRY #53 Wow, it really is Laker season. I have a feeling the next time I have 6 beers and three lemon drops, I'm not sleeping on Bird's couch. He didn't like my comment about him liking the Spurs because he's from Texas. He sent me an e-mail, basically pointing out all sorts of lame things from Texas that I'm into. Or other people at Girl are into. I told Jenkins that he took a stab at us for riding motocross and Jenkins took him off the list for the OC XPLOSION flow team. He also said, "Bird's not welcome at the OCX rock climbing party this Saturday. He shows up and I'll drop him". Jenkins is so gnarly. I think Bird was already pretty scared of Jenkins. Maybe the day after the parade when the Lakers Four Peat, I'll call Kelly and see if he wants to go dancing in matching tank tops. I miss you, Kel Kel. And your pony tail. ENTRY #52 Oh my god, it's Sunday the 13th! Are you skeered? Well, isn't it just like Bobby Echo to try and fit in with the "pro's". Rick got a really bad hipper last weekend and it was especially bad because it over lapped on to a calcium deposit that he has. (Sidebar: "The fact" that he has a calcium deposit in his hip seems to be a little self diagnosis). So what does Bobby Echo do? Gets all hopped up on beer and goes down a hill at 40 mph, eats crap and gets a big hipper. Come on, Bobby. We said you could go back to Pismo with us, take it easy on your self. Ty thought it would be a good idea to go to TJ with the crew for a mini skate trip. In retrospect, with Chico, Mikey, Rick, Eric, Meza, Scott and many others now in a Mexican jail, I think Ty would probably say "not such a great idea". Good luck, fellas and may the force be with you. (Not Mikey, the real force). Oh, and if you get in a pinch and get access to a computer, a quick Spanish brush up: ME GUSTA BAILAR=I like to dance. Should go over well with the gaurds. Oh My God, harsh hair update: Rick is feathered with a tail, Atiba still sporting the full fro, Paul Rod went short, Eric...hard to say..do you remember the cartoon "Davey and Golitah"? Davey would be Eric if he was made of Clay, Abeyta still rockabilly, Larson trying to imitate Abeyta, Nick looks like he sprayed his hair on and Bob K wearing a beret so we don't know. Attention Jim in Texas: thanks for the photo of your sister for Hime but right off the bat I can see there is a problem. Hime has a "Five Face Piercing Maximum". If your sister would have held back on that third ring in the eyebrow and just went with the tongue, lip and nose, Hime would have been on a plane to Dallas. My bad for not putting that in the description of the girl Hime is looking for. Thanks for the photo and I'll see if Gav can get your sister a Slipknot autograph or something. Ya know, Jim, it looks like your sister and Gav have something in common. Tim also has a habit of walking into the tattoo parlor and just picking things off the wall. Or was your sister the first one to have that tribal sort of thing around the top of her arm? If she was, you should try and get to California sometime, that trend she started spread like a wild fire. Eric Anthony is a vegan now but only when he is sober. Sometimes when he shot guns 10 beers he thinks a pork sausage link is a veggie dog. But that can happen to the best of us. Jeremy feels like he has lost Eric to the California culture. That'll be cool if Jeremy talks Eric into being a Harley mechanic, too. Eric would probably look red hot in a mechanic suit. Where are you going to be for the season opener for the THREE PEATING LOS ANGELES LAKERS? We're beating the Spurs that night. Bird likes the Spurs because they're from Texas and so is he. I guess I have to like the band U2, because I'm Irish. That sucks. Bird and me are still not getting along, I guess we're not friends again until about a week after the parade. His loss. Did I mention Gav has a security system that Ferguson is not familiar with?
ENTRY #51 Larsons ass and eyes are all better, he took some antibiotics and it all cleared up. Well, most of it. The rash with the white stuff oozing out of it on his inner thigh still looks sort of weird. It's OK though, Tony feels like these ailments will keep the girls away and he thinks girls equal trouble! Abeyta thinks he could get a job working on Harley's for $8.00 an hour and Jeremy thinks he can get a job working on Harleys for $12.00 an hour. Good luck, guys. Weird way to give notice but we took you off the payroll and wish you well. Oh, I've been meaning to remind you, will the real slim shady please stand up? Thanks. Turns out Jenkins has this box of stickers that he thinks are "funny". He gets to work early every day, cranks "something that sounds like Slayer" and just looks through the stickers and laughs. That seems normal, right? Bobby Echo left for Paris to pursue a modeling career. Taking into account the time difference and the fact that Bobby Echo is like a 19 year old girl when he drinks, keep your cell phones off from about... well, just keep them off. He'll be back in two weeks because he is too short to be a model. sorry, Bobby Echo, looks like it's back to Crail for you. NICK TERSHAY. That's just to show you that I'm not skeered.
ENTRY #50 Can you believe what gentlemen the Three Peating World Champion Los Angeles Lakers are? Letting the Clippers have that game? I can not believe the capacity of this group of players! It's so nice of them to toss the Clippers a game, I think they plan to do that for Houston, too. Just so they don't look so amateur next to the Lakers. So awesome! Tonight on the news Shaq said, "we're not worried about the Sacramento Queens". Finally someone appreciates Ako's signs. Kevin and Cheryl Wilkins have added a new member to the Wilkins Band, his name is Cian David Wilkins and he has dark hair and plays bass. Weighing in at 9 pounds, the newest family member had nothing to say. Congratultions to our Nebraska friends, we love you! Here's a list of my old friends: Here's a list of my new friends: Mikey wanted the column to be called MIKE MIKE MIKE as he told me today that he was just living to give me material for Crail Tap. Among the many things Mikey told me was that "no one ever loved me like I really needed except Nick" and he knows "what it's like to not get enough love in the early stages of life". But in the late stages of life, if that is what Mikey is in, he gets plenty of love. If you know what I mean. Here is a brief list of ohter things Mike had to say: Bob K has Paris guilt, how chic. Jenkins is going to unveil the photo that was the entire inspiration for OC XPLOSION. I'm not sure if we're to expect flames, pompadours or just plain trash. Jenkins goes to Elsinore every Thursday to promote and it looks like it won't be long until he and the family are buying that 7 acre dream home in Norco. God Speed, Jenkins. Just a Larson update, he has three degrees of rabies, a rare from of worms and "Rat Shit in the Blood" disease. Interested ladies, stay away. Rob Abeyta will challenge you to a "Cute Daughter Contest", just forget it, you already lost, stupid. Here is a brief list of American Law that Rick Howard a resident alien from Canada does not think are fair: Cool, call me later.
ENTRY #49 Sorry about the delay in the update, I have been busy making my banner for tonights Three Peating Los Angeles Lakers pre season game. Normally, I order them from AKO'S LAKER SIGNS but they have been so busy filling an order for some guy in LA, they had to turn customers away. The only information that Ako would release about this customer was that his name was Bret with one "T" and he had band wagoner breath. I was also a little delayed because Larson got butt worms from that ratt that crapped in his mouth or where ever that thing crapped and we had to take him to a vet. They said he should be just fine. Right. If you're at a club dancing with what you think is a girl but it has whiskers, is 6 feet tall and smells like Drakkar, it's a dude. Sometimes after a few lemon drops, boys look like girls, girls look like boys, acne looks like blush, blubber looks like a cashmere sweater. Be careful, they're out there. Looks like our hair do's aren't really the problem anymore. Seems to be more a fashion thing. Gav was wearing beige loafers with no sox and a pair of shorts. Maybe it's just Gav's fashion problem, everyone else seems fine. And by the way, Gav's only drinking beer ladies so don't send him an apple martini when you see him in those beige loafers. Maybe the ladies that read this column didn't pay attention when I said that Hime is now the LA rep for Von Zipper...hello? Are you out there ladies? If you're over 18 but under 27 and have had the tear ducts in your eyes removed, Hime would like to see a photo. Other things he likes in a lady: Rich parents, never worn a pair of skate shoes (even if they were designed for girls), never owned a cell phone belt holster and a passion for people that look like they were just released from a prison camp. And just so you know what a gentleman he is, here's a Hime quote: "When the photos come in, I'll take the hot ones and give Gav the pigs". Such a sweety! And notice the way he's always looking out for his brothers. Interested ladies send those photos to: HIME'S SO HOT RIGHT NOW c/o The Tap. I guess we don't have a huge motocross following, had to go and buy those Crusty Demons videos myself. It's cool, I'm not mad at anyone. Koston held an intimate little premier of the HARSH EURO BARGE video. He served no food and drinks and quickly put his shoes on when the credits rolled. I guess sometimes when you schedule a party, it's good to tell the guy that lives in the house. The video was awesome and you'll get a pick in on why Mikey is so traumatized. Poor little pup has a bad fall in this one. Tony, Jeremy and Rob have been known to have a rough past with each other. There was that little Pete Yorn incident, Tony's incense and Jeremy's chick posters. (Tony's down for the chick posters as long as the chicks are blonde). But today the three of them were laughing and hugging and just enjoying themselves while they listened to a Dana Carvey concert. Hey, Fun Boy Three, get back to work.
ENTRY #48 ....so here's the rest of the "Larson is infected with all kinds of crap" story. Before the rat crapped in Tony's eye sockets, a roach had crawled into the rats butt and laid eggs. The moisture on Tony's eyes fertilized the eggs, then the eggs hatched in Tony's eye balls....I'll be right back, I have to barf. Kevin Wilkins is still waiting for his baby to arrive. He had a false alarm last weekend and then sent everyone an angry e-mail, like it was our fault. I think the baby wants to be born on Halloween, just to scare Kevin. Speaking of babies, Mikey may go on to study Philosophy just to fuck with your mind. You've been warned. Looks like the frame works being built for the Jonze-Carroll-Howard-Baltimore (and Smyth) tavern. All we need is a location, a liquor license, furniture, employees, The Gav and we're set. A couple names we're throwing around "The Lemon Drop" and if Gav has that trademarked then it's "People Like Mike Rick and Spike". The second one is so hot right now. Every Thursday night will be Gavinger Hunt. Find Gavin and get strangled. There is also talk of a private room called HIME TIME, yipes. No more talking shit on the vendors on Crail anymore, I guess some of them have kids that skate and live in Texas. I still stand by the fact that "that stuff that happened to Chick Hearn" is totally moronic. But we have lots of vendors in Texas. This will be warning number 2 to Bob K: Why the rainbow meter on the MJ Egometer? Not a warning actually, just an observation. OK, stop e-mailing me, I lied, McCrank still looks like he's fasting for a cause. Guess what time it is: IT'S TIME FOR THE COUNTDOWN TO THE LAKER SEASON!!!!!! In honor of this, I will call random Laker fans and ask them their favorite moment of last season. Tonights random call goes to Molly Nordine. "My favorite moment was when Horry made that shot in the last seconds of the game, I have to go, I have someone on the other line". "Weird, are those people interviewing you live for a website?" Click. I lost all my e-mail addresses when my last computer crashed and I had just won an auction on EBAY so I figured the guy would just get a hold of me with a little reminder when he didn't get his check from me. The only information I had on the guy was in my little e-mail vault so there wasn't really much I could do. Today I get an e-mail from the guy, who is Canadain, and it says: TWO WORDS: NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. I emailed him back and wrote NINETEEN WORDS: COMPUTER CRASHED: LOST YOUR INFO, SEND IT AGAIN AND I'LL GET YOUR STUPID SEVEN DOLLARS TO YOUR CANNUCKIAN ASS. I haven't heard back from him yet but I am pretty sure he will get back to me, I'll feel like crap and then I'll have to kick start that damn HONORARY CRAIL CANADIAN. Correction from yesterday, the slogan on the side of the OC XPLOSION van just reads "FLAME THROWER". Sorry, Jenky.
ENTRY #47 Check this out: Larson has a rat in his house. He went to bed the other night with cookie crumbs on his face and the rat climbed on his face. Then he crapped in his eyes and he thought it was just "morning sleep" in his eyes but it was RAT CRAP! Yipes, run! Good thing we installed those cameras in all the employees houses, killer investment. Speaking of investments: Anyone want to work on the count down for YEAH RIGHT? No hurry, just checking. We'll probably get a shit load of money when we turn the budget in from the Association of World Records. You know what would be so sick, to have Ty's 40th birthday and the YEAH RIGHT premier together. Awesome. (No pressure, Mikey, just go boogie boarding. I think Ty wants to put a boogie boarding section in the video for broader distribution). One of our let's just say "fabric" vendors said to me today, "Oh, hey are you bummed about that stuff that happened to Chick Hearn?". Um, I realize you're calling from out of state and maybe different states have different traditions. HE DIED, Stupid! What do you mean "that stuff that happened to him"? Just stay in Texas, we have enough problems here. Nick isn't going to beat Bob K's ass but other people might. Thanks for soiling the good Crail name by putting the words "humungous wang" on the site. Look, I realize in Canada there are some different social boundaries, but come on. What next? Ranch on pizza? Get it together, Bob. That's a warning. Mike Leon finished most of the new Fourstar line. He actually read minds to steal graphics. Priceless. Also, Mike leaves for his Japan Show in a few days and it looks like he has one open hour on Wednesday of next week. If you are in Tokyo next week and want to try and book a private show, call 310 222 333. That's right the first 6 digit phone number. Smyth was exhausted all day today from working the door at Andy's OC XPLOSION party last night. He tried to say he was just tired from working out this morning but he had glitter all over his neck and a little bit of that spray on tan stuff left over. Jenkins said the best part was the girls pillow fighting in their underwear but isn't it always?2
ENTRY #46 The next person that sends me hate mail gets punched in the face. OK, got that out of the way. Well, the ping pong tables are on fire! Mueller gave Rick a whipping with his expensive racket and Sam also stepped up to the plate and beat Rick's ass. Just to make sure it was abundantly clear that he was a total loser, Rick broke a racket. This didn't sit well with Jenkins who is trying to teach Emmet, who happened to be spectating, that winning isn't everything or something like that. The only lesson Emmet walked away with was "It feels good to yell "son of a bitch" when you're getting beaten". In a side match, Megan beat Emmet in a heated defeat. "Big deal, one point" said the young Jenkins as he walked away. Either way, Emmet got punked on his dads turf. Speaking of Jenkins, he's taking OC XPLOSION to the streets this weekend with a hacky sack tournament. Check your local newspapers but he'll be at many of the popular southern California piers handing out OC XPLOSION chain wallets. Look for the van with Jenkins motto on the side "Don't Claim the Flame if you're Tame". At last check, Ty was trying to make sure that he took in only red meat and beer. Ty, I'm reaching out to you with a bag of barley. Look how healthy all the vegans we know look. Take a look at Hime. He looks like he could snap someone in half with a damn handshake. Once Ty's finished with the Harsh Euro Barge Video, it's off to Whole Foods for a wheat grass milkshake. Anyone that wants to help with our efforts to change Ty's diet, send your suggestions to TY-IT c/o Tha Tap. Has anyone ever seen how big Hime's hands are? He asked me to ask that. In an effort to help Hime, Gav, Mikey, Bird, Bob K, Lar Dog and the many other red hot men looking for ladies, Rick Howard has offered up some lines that have worked for him: Want to play "Guess the budget for YEAH RIGHT"? I didn't think so, asshole! It's nothing to joke about. I can't wait to hear Rick and Ty's acceptance speech when our video wins "Most Insane Budget". That'll be awesome!
ENTRY #45 For everyone that was talking shit on Gavin, saying he couldn't get Mom and Dad in The Lounge on Thursday night, zip it. Turns out Gavin slipped in the back and was in a private room drinking lemon drops with the folks. Every now and then Mom Gavin would take a fifty out of foil and tip the waitress. She's nuts. Gavin has some sort of stage three whooping cough, other than an Angels game with Dad and a mild night out on Friday, The Gav is laying low. Interested ladies, I would wait at least 6 days to make out with him. I am told Mikey will make out with anyone that can not wait until that day. Speaking of, Mikey announced today that Crail didn't make him laugh for three days. Weird. Maybe check your Ask Mikey column, I almost fall down laughing every time I go back over that. If you still feel nothing, maybe I can drop the YEAH RIGHT budget by your place, now that thing is a fucking riot. Anyone seen Slam Ball on TNN? It's sort of like the NBA meets Barnum and Bailey. Anyway, Rick, Ako and Hime are currently competing in that league on a team called the FANTASY CUTTERS. I saw them go against the STEAL and let's just say Ako made them look like pre-school children. Hime isn't feeling the padded helmet you have to wear but Rick convinced him at the end of the year when he can put a trophy next to all of Gavin's old plants, it'll all be worth it. Someone e-mailed me and said they saw Rick McCrank recently and the thing that was written about him being "ripped" from lifting had to be false, "he looked like a malnourished 90 pound weakling". That's Hime, stupid. McCrank is the one in the sweater vest. Pay attention. Jenkins' deal with OC X-PLOSION fell through and he has decided to do it our of his garage. "You can't go corporate with the flames, you take the real of "REALLY HOT RIGHT NOW". He's a purist, what can we say. Liam Bishop is going to be waving the checkered flag at Glen Helen on Sunday for the motocross event. When asked how he was feeling, Liam commented "I'm always down for these events but getting with chicks in the out house is more work than I'm used to". Leon is stealing graphics for the upcoming Fourstar season, "I just want to keep it real and stealing other peoples graphics is so in". Leon, the guy will not be stopped. OK, later.
ENTRY #44 Not much to let you in on today, sorry, I'm on some deadlines. I do want to make a note to the people that keep contacting me and asking me to make Alanis Morrisette Honorary Crail Canadian. First, there is no Honorary Crail Canadian for now. Tony showed Bob the ultimate act of love going to the Rush show. The entire reason we were trying to make amends was because Tony led Bob to feel like we thought Canadians were second class citizens, so that portion of the column is not necessary at this time. (Yeah, like all the other crap in this column is super necessary). Second, she can not be an Honorary Crail Canadian. She's banned. That song that she sings about all the ironic stuff, nothing in that song is ironic. "Rain on your wedding day?" That's not ironic, it's a bummer. "Meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife?'. Yeah, totally ironic. That's not ironic at all. It's also a bummer and it also shows that your stupid for not knowing he was married. So, until the song is changed to "Isn't it a bummer" or "Aren't I a fool" then she is banned. More reasons Gav is back on Team Crail: Cool, see ya later.
ENTRY #44 Well, this column is going straight to the dumper. In an extroidinary move of ultimate brotherhood, Tony went to see a RUSH show. He and Bob had that beef in the past where Bob felt like Tony insulted his cannuckian posse. So Tony asked himself, What would be the ultimate act of kindness to patch this international wound? So he bought a ticket and suffered through, I mean totally enjoyed Canada's finest, a RUSH concert. I think it is obvious that there is no need to host the Honorary Crail Canadian anymore, right? I'm glad that Tony and Bob have buried the hatchet but now this column gets suckier by the minute. Bob truly has some good friends, maybe they throw your shit in the fire but they replace it! Come on, you can't buy friends like that. Maybe you can and I'm just shopping in the wrong friend mall. And of course the Knock Knock jokes got lame. Maybe they didn't get lame, maybe they started out lame. I guess this column is now LIST LIST LIST. Or LAZY LAZY LAZY. or LAME LAME LAME. Why is Gavin back on Crail? Paper or plastic? Just kidding. Slogans that are appropriate for your cell phone display: Slogans that are not appropriate for your cell phone display: Possible band names if you recently put a garage band together Possible names for your new skateboard company
ENTRY #43 I wish life would just work in lists. Like when you write a note to an old friend you could just do this:
Or next to this photo (click to enlarge) we could just write: Maybe after a meeting with Mikey, I can just e-mail the highlights like this: Maybe trying to show the ladies that Hime is the one for them I might say: Or what about this, things I would like to get sent to me that I will send you a prize package for:
ENTRY #42 Kelly Bird offered a job as an editor of a new skateboard magazine? That pony tail will work so well in that job! Frantic editors are allowed to have pony tails. I think there is a rule, frantic editors and porno directors are allowed to wear pony tails. I wonder who will team manage Lakai if he takes the job? Gavin? No, he might choke. Hime? No, he hates...never mind. Jenkins? No, he has social anexiety. Wow, I guess Bird might have to manage the Lakai team and be the editor of the new magazine that we don't know who's launching. GNARLY! You know when you go in to a corner market and they have that half ass barrier to keep you from looking at the names of the porno mags? Well, don't ignore that barrier if you're a little gun shy. My money spilled when I took it out of my pocket and I got to glance at a magazine called MOUTH MOUNT. Let's just say...no, let's not just say. Either way, the cardboard barrier is there for a reason so don't act like it's just for show. If you don't want to come face to face with things you think don't happen, then pay attention to my warning. Let me know if you think this joke is funny, Parrot Boy told it to me. He's a real asshole but that's another day. OK, so a blonde walks into a library. She goes up to the counter where the clerk is and says, "i'll have a burger and a small order of fries". The librarian looks at her sort of confused and says, "Um, sorry miss but this is a library". So she whispers, "oh sorry, I'll have a burger and a small order of fries". It is funny, right? The current countdown is to the premier of THE HARSH EURO BARGE! Ty left his house only for moments to tone up the savage tan he developed over the summer. At last check, the diet is not looking so good but the tan is off the chain. Today's Honorary Crail Canadian is Joni Mitchell. She was born in 1943 in Alberta and given the name Roberta Joan Anderson. She lived in other parts of Canada as she grew up and then changed her name to her current stage name after marrying Chuck Mithcell. They lived in Detroit for a while and then were divorced after a short amoumt of time. She later went to New York where she met David Geffen. She then released her first album, SONG TO A SEAGULL, that was produced by David Crosby. Joni has also written many songs that were recorded by other artists, such as "Woodstock" whichwas recorded by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. I believer her very best album is BLUE. Welcome to Crail, Joni. Tony Larson went to see RUSH tonight. I think it is safe to say we're through. I hope he feels super rad when they play "Tom Sawyer". Knowing Tony, he will. Abeyta was backing RUSH. He said he still thinks they "fucking rock". Wow, maybe we can change the name to HELL IN A HAND BASKET DISTRIBUTION. How about those Angels? For the 59th year in a row they blew their chance to get in the penant race. Thanks guys, way to honor Gene Autry's memory.
ENTRY # 41 Guess who's ba-zack? That's right. Hair update: Mikey went full super cut! He looks so hot right now! Rick trimmed things up because he felt like he was rocking a bit of a mullet, Bird still doing the pony in private, Marc Johnson is clean shaven with a 1/8" razor cut (this is just a guess but he looks like he maintains that cut very well and I might add I appreciate that in a person), Koston totally out of control with a sort of toupe looking afro, Atiba (just forget about it), Leon had the early stages of a greek afro going, Emmet Jenkins cuts his own hair now (this kids too smart for all of us), Smyth has no semi-sweet left overs at all, Nick has some sort of weird afro that looks like that spray on hair, Gavin overbooked, Bobby Echo totally washed the red out and Peter is rock-a-billing. Hair is so in! Get this party started on a Saturday night....oops, getting side tracked. Todays Honorary Crail Canadian is Mario Lemieux. He was born in Montreal in 1965. He dropped out of school at age 16 to pursue hockey. He was drafted by the Penguins in 1984. In 1988 he received the Hart Trophy for the NHL high scoring title. He left hockey in 1993 to undergo treatment for Hodgkins disease. After treatment he returned to the game of hockey. Welcome to Crail, Bro. I keep wondering what it feels like to drive one of those monster type trucks with the sticker of Calvin or Hobbs or whoever it is peeing on Osama Bin Laden. Roll out, Roll out...ooops gettin IPOD side tracked again. Sorry. No More Knock Knock jokes. That's it, funs over. See how bummed you are when we pull the plug on things? You feel bad for all the shit you talked on us, right? Wrong. Those jokes were lame and I never wanted to post them but Tony, Andy and Bob made me. They suck, so behind the times. Knock Knock jokes? Are you guys high? What next, Tony? Bandanas? These guys are all holding me back. What do you keep in your house? What about diamonds and gold what do you keep in your mouth? Sorry, the IPOD is so hot right now, I just can't believe it. That will be lame if this column is soon called IPOD IPOD IPOD. That will really suck. Congratulations to Sean and Shari Cliver who gave birth to an 8 pound little Emmerson Cliver. Hugs and kisses to the entire Cliver family. Out.
ENTRY # 40 You want nice, then nice you'll get. Tony Larson and Bobby Echo have patched things up. As you can see from the red hot photo of Larson on yesterdays RANDOMS, they found a way to make things work. I like that about them. Tony is going to be moving to the South Bay soon. The drive back and forth to San Diego each day is making him a little cranky. Hang in there, Tony Tony Macaroni. Everything went really well today on the ping pong front. Mueller played in the minors with some of the warehouse crew and is preparing to really give Sam a good game when he returns to the majors. Good Luck, fellas. We look forward to a visit from Buscemi and Gino to bring on some real fun and competition. Todays Honorary Crail Canadian is Sir William Osler. Born in Canada West, which is now Ontario, in 1949, Dr. Osler was recognized as one of the most well known english speaking physicians of his time. He was raised in Dundas and went on to study medicine at the University of Ontario. He was the first professor of medicine at John Hopkins University and went on to create what is still used today in many post graduate medical programs. Much of Dr. Oslers research into the training of medical professionals was key in forming what is now the Rockerfeller Institute for Medical Research in New York. Welcome to Crail, Bill. Happy Birthday today to the dynamic duo of Gunnar and Mathew Nelson. These two hotties make up the very memorable band, The Nelsons. They were the two guys with the really beautiful blond long hair. Hope they have a great day and get all the suede pants a real rocker could ever hope for. Knock Knock
ENTRY #39 Magic Johnson is going to be enshrined into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, MA. Larry Bird, who is already in this hall of fame will do the presentation on September 27, 2002. Congratulations Magic. If you have time, go to the CBS website and vote for the street you think should be named after the one and only, Chick Hearn. Due to a slight backlash from the Honorary Crail Canadian yesterday (I'm still recovering myself) we will be honoring another great country on this day. Today we have the Honorary Crail Irish Person. Today we honor Mary Robinson who was elected to office in 1990. Not only was she the first woman president of Ireland but she was also one of only three female heads of state at the time she was elected. She resigned in 1997, 11 weeks short of her full 7 year term, to become the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights. Welcome to Crail, Mary. Hopefully we can get those images of The Crash Test Dummies out of our minds and get back to honoring our northern neighbors soon. Knock Knock Now it's got to the point where the lamer the joke, the more I like it. I guess that part is pretty obvious. Ping Pong update, Smyth got beat by a $2.00 racket! Rick said he was so pissed from Sam talking shit that he didn't get his good $3.00 racket out, used his crappy $2.00 racket and sent Smyth packing. The belt now belongs to Rickoo. Mueller is trying to bounce back but it looks like he's having third grade flashbacks of the body cast. Smyth was said to not be wearing the ballet slippers at the time of the whipping. Jenkins sold all his companies and is now back to being the FUN and Rick is the GAMES in the FUN AND GAMES AT GIRL. Have you heard about it? So hot right now. We're overbooked right now but if you want any more information on coming events call our customer service rep, Phat Phace at 310 628 5016. Still no word on Crusty Demons 5 and 6 so we decided to sweeten the deal. You send us the tapes we send you: A skateboard deck, a Fourstar notebook, Kostons autograph, AND a handmade sign for the season opener for the THREE PEATING WORLD CHAMPION LOS ANGELES LAKERS. That's right, bro. Bring it on. Where's the "ASK MIKEY" column? Good question. Mikey said if the column isn't up by Friday he walks. That guy is brass tacks. Diamond Nick told us today that if he did a store of his own he would have the Diamond warehouse in the back and the store in the front. What? Anyone want a side of Ranch? What about store brand sour cream? Ty Evans has been held up with Pink Dot on auto dial getting the HARSH EURO BARGE edited. In other video news, CORY CAM INC is working on the Mike Carroll careeer ender. Stay tuned for premier and release dates. Tony Larson, girl designer extroidinaire, has got himself entangled in a law suit with intern Bobby Echo. Turns out Bobby Echo used only the photos on the website where Larson looked like he weighed 250 in an attempt to get all the chicks for himself. Bobby Echo can be such a prick. Larson said, "Echo is going to get himself tossed into a fire. He's never seen me mad, I'll break that bitch in two". Wow, those are fighting words. The countdown is just around the corner for the season opener for the THREE PEATING WORLD CHAMPION LOS ANGELES LAKERS and of course the Spike Jonze movie, ADAPTATION.
ENTRY #38 Patrick Ewing has officially retired. I wonder if people in NY are sad for being mean to him his last season there. Gav finally had time to check Crail Tap so we had to fire that one staff memeber that kept writing lame stuff about him. Now, Tim works for Crail so there will be no more making him the butt of the jokes. That will be weird, I mean good. Things that have been banned from Crail: talking about Kelly Bird, Talking shit on The Gav, any of Clivers photo collection and pony tails. It's going to sort of suck now. I mean, it sucked before but it's about to be really sucky, like off the chain sucky. "There was a murder on the table" is what Sam said after his match with Rickoo. It seems Sam spanked Rick and his $3.00 paddle. Mueller didn't look so happy at the end of the day either so it looks like the belt lies with Sammy. Must be the ping pong slippers he bought. Todays Honorary Crail Canadian is the band The Crash Test Dummies. You know what, just so Rick doesn't get all sensitive about Canadians, just go to their website and see for yourself, I couldn't even make this stuff up. In case you don't make it to the site, I'll just include this quote by one of the band members: "Any of you that did see me know what I do is one of the most original and cool things out there. No brag, just quote". Um, OK. Cool. Knock Knock I know these jokes suck now but habits are so hard to break. I'm listening to Flock of Seagulls off of Rick's IPOD, that's probably why todays column is so good. Hime and Megan were both treated for a bad case of name dropping, just don't tell SPIKE JONZE.
ENTRY #37 Did you know that Mike Carroll is going to have an art show? It's true, some of his current paintings and some of his old sculpture as well as some nudes. I guess he has some insane paintings of his ass that he did while looking in the mirror. I think you know who todays HONORARY CRAIL CANADIAN is. And he's not even Canadian! He's Romanian. Knock Knock Got a message from Kelly Bird today in which he told me "your fucking lame". Everyone knows it's "You're fucking lame" as in "you are". I hate the work it takes to fight with Kelly. Kelly and I got along for about a week. We drank beer and had veggie corn dogs and then Kelly had some Brie and crackers. We went to clubs and I told a bunch of lies to some girls that found out I lied to them and don't like me anymore. They were harmless lies, like "Kelly is my cousin" or "Kelly is Ricks cousin" or "Tim is a friend I made through an exchange program" or "Tim's face isn't fat, the lighting is just weird in here". I thought we were really getting along well. And then boom, friendship over. Really lame. But I have lots of freinds so I'm already so over it. Still trying to get a hold of Crusty Demons 5 and 6. I am willing to trade a deck, and hold on to your hat, a Fourstar notebook! That's right, a Fourstar notebook in addition to the deck. It's like the lottery, only a lot lamer! Just a quick hair update, Kostons wig is so Freddie Fender right now. Or actually it looks like Tony Orlando of Tony Orlando and Dawn. Either way, it's fluffy like a milk shake. (What?) Richard Mulder just got back from NY where he went to a sausage festival wtih Gino and Buscemi. We're offering a free deck to anyone that can show footage of Mulder in a bad mood. Bobby Echo got his harmonica and the fine young man that sent it got himself a deck. Still no word on the Von Zippers from Hime. Michael Leon is about to blow the back door out of Japan with his art show. No nudes in his show but still pretty awesome. Matix has a short called the HARSH GAVIN, Jenkins sold OC-XPLOSION and the Escalade. He got an offer just about the time he was going to launch his new consulting firm. Well, it's not really a consulting firm, it's more of a firm that will scout what's new and cool and fresh for you. Jenkins is in, so it would only make sense that he charge you money to show you what is in. But he will also do things like, name your band, help you pick personalized license plates for your car, help you select a tattoo. In a nut shell, it's like having The Fonz as your assistant. The countdown soon begins for the season opener for the THREE PEATING LOS ANGELES LAKERS and director Spike Jonze's new film, ADAPTATION. (Just a shout out to Spike, maybe send over the photos for us to post so that we can begin the countdown, it could help). Sam Smyth is not feeling Rick's comments regarding ping pong and the coming Ruby belt. "He's a punk and he never makes himself available. If he wants to play, show up".
ENTRY #36 Anyone want to have a facial party? Just checking. Rick holds Escalade Spa parties in his car, so stay tuned for the next one. Shaq is already doing interviews after his surgery. The Big Fella told Jim Hill that he could let all the "Sacramentos and the Yao Mings know that he was coming back with a vengeance". He said this is the year that he, Phil and Kobe have something to prove so they are going to play like they don't have any rings. That's what I like to hear. I can't believe we're only months away from another parade. Lakers are so hot right now. What's this we hear about Rick beating Mueller and Smyth with what appeared to be a $3.00 paddle at the ping pong table? Talk about going out like bitches. Rick said, "Sam didn't even have the ballet slippers on that he bought to play in but I still carry the title". Looks like that Ruby Table Tennis Titan Total Terror Terminator (that's the new name) belt will be spending time in Ricky's office. Hopefully he'll let Smyth and Mueller hang out in his office so they can feel the joy of the belt. Double booking? Not a problem, just call Papa Roach at 310 715 8300 extension 805 and he'll pencil you in. I hope this is the last one.... Knock Knock Wow, those are good. Todays Honorary Crail Canadian is Tommy Chong. He is most famous for all the great movies he did with Cheech Marin to form Cheech and Chong. But we honor him on Crail because he is the first Canadian we have come across that is not born in Ontario. Nope, finally, we find someone born in Edmonton, Alberta. He was a rhythym and blues guitarist until he started writing and directing for movies. I think we all agree that UP IN SMOKE is pure art. Welcome to Crail, Tom. Andy Jenkins is off the deep end with the motocross. So much so that someone is keeping the CRX125 AND buying a new Yamaha with electric start. I know there are a lot of you out there that think electric start is lame but....you're lame too so get lost. Jenkins new line, OC X-PLOSION has a whole divison of clothing that you can go straight from the track to a rager in, just like that. Speaking of Jenkins, he is the official assistant coach of Emmet's new soccer team. If there is one thing the senior Jeknins has passed on to the young son: Losing sucks and it's OK to be really pissed if you lose. You've gotta love that. Stay tuned for Kelly Bird's new magazine PONY TAIL. It's a lifestyle magazine. Just a quick shout out to Tig. Thanks for that e-mail breaking down the reasons why the middle east is angry at America. Good thing you sent me that, I thought this thing was all over an old gambling debt. For the love of god, Tig, go away. You make me think you used an Archie comic book to study history. Lewman, we're waiting. I think you know what for. Bobby Echo the first intern in skateboarding to have e-mail? Awesome! It's just days until we start the fun and games of the countdown to the Spike Jonze movie realese, ADAPTATION and more importantly.....The season opener for the THREE PEATING LOS ANGELES LAKERS!
ENTRY #36 Kelly Bird is in Brazil with a pony tail. Let's just hope he left all his Lakai t-shirts at home, the pony can not be good for marketing. Today's Honorary Crail Canadian is Kelly's pony tail. Born in Ontario of course. Ontario is the home of the pony tail. Knock Knock Stay tuned for the count down to Kelly's pony tail, the movie.
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