ENTRY #1841
2/28/11

THE SONG
: Tenderness, English Beat
THE PLACE: Hermosa
THE WORD: good every time....

This monkey knows how cool goats are.

Anyone want to sign my petition to get Luke Walton traded from The Lakers?

Wonder what the gateway drug was for this freak.


 

 

ENTRY #1840
2/25/11

THE SONG
: Watching The Wheels, John Lennon
THE PLACE: somewhere
THE WORD: someone

Just a reminder, still the coolest Carlos ever......

Remember when I said it was OK to start picking on Hershel? Well, he's still in shock from his laceration so I might have jumped the gun. Hersh, let me know if you think Monday is a good day to point out what a total baby you're being, cool?

I'm working on a script about a director that goes to the dark smoldering depths of hell. It's a thriller, Spike.

I can't believe the hoops Jeremy is jumping through to leave Girl for another job. Look at what they did in his interview yesterday:


 

 

ENTRY #1839
2/24/11

THE SONG
: Power, Kanye West
THE PLACE: everywhere
THE WORD: cool

The only time I don't get mad at Hersh for surfing the web is when he finds gems like this.

Or also the day after he needs five stitches in his hand and is sitting on the stairs pale and about to faint but still trying to act tough in front of Rickk.

Sold!

I just want to sit in on more meetings. That's my goal in life. Fucking kidding me, right?

Ben, I'm waiting on that text or email.......


 

 

ENTRY #1838
2/23/11

THE SONG
: Happy Birthday, Stevie Wonder
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: Mueller!

Ben, it is proper sports etiquette to contact me with your congratulatory words on this within one week of the actual event. If Paul Pierce, by some miracle of God, got this honor, you would already have green and white balloons in your living room.

Pack your bags, employees, we're moving the operation to SF. And Thiebaud, no, we don't want to do our Open House together.

I had to call Spike today to tell him to start using moisturizer on his face. It's not part of my job, he's my friend. It's part of being a good friend. A really good friend, Spike.


 

 

ENTRY #1837
2/22/11

THE SONG
: Let It Go, Tim McGraw
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: please?

Spike made the sad and silly mistake of telling me that since about August, he has not been afraid of my column. Really Spike? Think long and hard about that. Let's talk before my next post, how about that? Do you want me to tell Buscemi that you said the spot he recommended to us was "sort of Wall Streety"?. Ok, then call me cuz we just spent a lot of time together. You know what I mean?

Humans are really making me pursue my move to Mars.

Frosty, the girl that got eliminated last night was Rickk's favorite contestant. I think he'll still watch, though. Right, Rickk?

contestant

I looked on Amazon to see if anyone had written a book about Garth Brooks alter ego, Chris Gaines. I didn't search for that long because I feel like if I take the time to read that book, I send a bad "time management" message to the people I love. And there's some people that I really really love that suck so bad at time management.


 

 

ENTRY #1836
2/18/11

THE SONG
: Shut Up, Blink 182
THE PLACE: universe
THE WORD: Lady Gaga...you officially are lame.

I just scolded Mikey in an email. Looks like that VP title doesn't mean much at times, now does it Fur Ball?

I haven't heard from Thiebaud in at least two weeks. I swear, he's probably working on some "Summer Deck Blow Out" or maybe he's just busy with creative things. I would put your money on my first guess.

Can I get a confirmation on that Pee Wee Herman tattoo? Please say it is fake and don't break my heart? Everyone here think he's really hot. Well, like 6 people here do.

Pee Wee

So many people involved with this story are total dicks. I will let you choose who you think the biggest one is. (Don't leave out the tool that wrote the article).


 

 

ENTRY #1835
2/17/11

THE SONG
: Jamming, Bob Marley
THE PLACE: don't worry about it
THE WORD: your work ethic

I think it's cool that you can take money to the bank and then they can tell you it's "lost in their system". That's a solid deal, I like it. And the cooler part is when you come back with the deposit slip, they can take the transaction number and "hope to locate it within ten days". Nice work, bank with the covered wagon as a logo. Really, recommend you to all my friends.

Oh, you don't cry in front of your trademark attorney? Why? Weird.

Jonze, turn the floor heaters on and get Lance Bangs out of the guest room. Already pissed off at you, it's so cold.

Mikey wants to have a "Cute Dog" contest and Chick is all, "bring it, bitch". Poor Chick, he has no way to communicate what it feels like to be that cute.

Chick

 

 

ENTRY #1834
2/16/11

THE SONG
: Happy (belated) Birthday, Stevie Wonder
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: The Mez, Jamie, EA, Singer from Bright Eyes and Costa Rica Sean (Formerly "Sean Cliver")

Forgot to mention The Turnovers brought home another victory this past Monday. Can I get a "Bird" jersey because The Lakers are embarrassing me right now. Now I finally understand why Frosty has two teams.

I love how much Frosty loves The Bachelor on Monday nights. I really feel like I've never felt so bonded with Eric in the past two decades. And all because of this douche. He's our glue, Frosty.

The Bachelor

Spike and I agree that "douche bag" is terrible to call someone but can't figure out how it feels so appropriate. Interesting.

Mikey let Rickk drive his car today to a meeting. The "gay" in the air between them was intoxicating.


 

 

ENTRY #1833
2/14/11

THE SONG
: My Funny Valentine, Ella Fitzgerald
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: Happy Love Day

No, that's totally cool Pau. You played defense the game before, no need to play two games in a row. You just relax. Dick.

Pau

Oh my gosh, you're so weird Lady Gaga, I'm so intrigued. You must be super smart and know something as an artist that I could never be attuned to. And P.S., when your entrance sucks that bad, your performance shouldn't as well.

Lady Gaga

Happy Valentines Day


 

 

ENTRY #1832
2/11/11

THE SONG
: Ben, Jackson 5
THE PLACE: Boston
THE WORD: word

I can see how this face might annoy you if you were in the crowd at Boston. Or maybe on your couch in LA with your wife, Jen and daughter, Zoe?

Lakers

Thought you said you wouldn't bow to outside pressure, Mubarak? Uh huh, that's like when we gave into the all over print t-shirts....well sort of. OK, bad analogy.

Why would I be stressed?



 

 

ENTRY #1831
2/10/11

THE SONG
: 1999, Prince
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: time travel

Mez, I can assure you, your column is better then mine today. Just a gut feeling.

Jonze, call me up. I'm not coming to NY for cold fucked up weather. I know this is not the place to discuss personal issues but I'm super edgy and am working on a lot of things.

Buscemi would "LIKE" this if it was on Facebook.

Suck it, LA.

traffic on 405

 

 

ENTRY #1830
2/9/11

THE SONG
: We Will Rock You, Queen
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: we

I had to go to the skatepark to get Rickk's signature on something and Mikey went flying through the air and ate shit. Not sure what the name of that trick is but it didn't look hard.

Frosty told me the other night that you can't "lose on The Bachelor if you've already lost at life". Smart and good taste in TV? Stop it, Eric!

I like the color scheme but people, stop fucking around with goats. Stop getting drunk and going on joy rides with them, stop dying them purple, stop jumping on trampolines with them. Just stop. I can't wait for the next civilization of people to come along and realize what dicks we were.

purple goat

 

 

ENTRY #1829
2/8/11

THE SONG
: Favorite Girl, Justin Bieber
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: si!!!!!!!!

Thanks Khloe, The Lakers needed as many distractions as possible. And remind me what you're famous for? Oh, that's right, you and your sisters are gold diggers. "Unbreakable" will be a hilarious name when you guys separate.

Something to smile about.... there's still so much of that left in the world, don't let the Kardashians fool you.

If this was my horse, I would name her Perry. Just sayin'.

pink horse

Spike seems to be so busy in NY that he is emailing Rickk, The Mez and I about his dreams. We'll be there soon, Jonze.



 

 

ENTRY #1828
2/7/11

THE SONG
: Conversation, Alberto Iglesias
THE PLACE: you know
THE WORD: yep

Bird's NFL knowledge is impressive. Even more so when Rickk is looking up the answers on his phone in a trivia contest. If you're not cheating, you're not trying, remember that kids.

Larson, let me know how you're going to handle things if the Chargers move to LA. Thanks.

chargers

I'm busy, I have to go.



 

 

ENTRY #1827
2/3/11

THE SONG
: Love Like A Sunset, Phoenix
THE PLACE: Hermosa
THE WORD: threesome

Someone on The Turnovers turned it over last night at a crucial point in the game. Ah, Rickky! We still love you!

Rickky

 

 

ENTRY #1826
2/2/11

THE SONG
: Two Doves, Bitte Orca
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: here

If you wake up in the morning and take a shower and shave with some R&B music blasting, you're not alone. Right Rickk? Nothing wrong with a little Usher while you get pretty.

The Birds are the only Laker Haters allowed in the Girl Staples season seats. They are sort of a lucky charm. I, personally, think that Birds wife is so sweet, she diminishes the vibe he tries to send to the court but either way, The Ban on everyone else remains in place.

Crankers got skeered and isn't going out with me on Saturday night. He is however, going to come over while I bake cookies and probably watch some Fuel TV together tonight. That's how we do.

Goats don't care if they get arrested.

Goat with police

 

 

ENTRY #1825
2/1/11

THE SONG
: Guilty Cubicles, Broken Social Scene
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: a few more...

One loves scotch, the other loves spread sheets. They both love Fourstar.

Twins

Hersh, can you take your butt beads home? Or at least put them in your office? I feel awkward every time I get ice. Thanks.

beads

Crankers is in town and on Saturday night he is going to be faced with the dilemma of a poker game and a UFC fight with Rickk or Slurricanes on the Hermosa pier with me. Wear a jacket, Ricky. It gets chilly down there at night.

I got Rickk AND Frosty watching The Bachelor now. Michelle, the nut case, was not so much the high light this week. This weeks high light was what a complete bland moron The Bachelor is. He went on a double date in Vegas with two girls, both named Ashley, that Rickk called, "dumpy and horrible". He picked the one that wore a dress that looked like she bought at Windsor Fashion. A lot of crying from the other Ashley that didn't get a rose. Still the best two hours of every Monday. (Hopefully Wizard Ben doesn't have any friends that work at Windsor Fashion. Jesus, Ben, tell your peeps to chill).

That's my brother in law locked in the green room. Sorry, sometimes I have to post things just for The Mez. You feeling that beach lingo, Aaron?

Leo & Charlie

 

 

ENTRY #1824
1/31/11

THE SONG
: Freedom, Jimi Hendrix
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: yes!

Wizard Ben, no more haters in the season seats. We're on an "opposing team" role with Biebel there for Sacramento, yourself for Boston and tomorrow, Mr. and Mrs. Bird for Houston. Either you guys are jinxing us or Pau is as soft as I thought he was. Either way, full Hater Ban in place!

When I get an email and the subject is "as if this shithead couldn't get any worse" I am usually sure it is from Bird. But no! It was from my The Bachelor co-pilot, Frosty! The crazy chick Michelle on the show is crazier then we thought, she's having affairs with dudes from The Utah Jazz! Good reporting, Frosty.

Hersh and I emailed over the weekend about curtains and Burton. Oh, and Hersh, I just won an auction on Ebay!

The smallest Jenkins in the family found out about why I don't skateboard downhill. Or at all. The good news, he's fine! (Weird him and Rickk have the same upper body).

In hospital

 

 

ENTRY #1823
1/28/11

THE SONG
: Fly, Nicki Minaj
THE PLACE: New York
THE WORD: I'm fucking trying to!

Snow Storm

 

 

ENTRY #1822
1/26/11

THE SONG
: Waiting In Vain, Chrissie Hynde
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: vain

I went on "City Search" and wrote a bad review of a business I dealt with. Hopefully they aren't mafia connected, that would suck.

Canada, stop being so awesome! First you ban Dire Straits crappiest song of all time and now you're making sure your strippers are protected. You're ruling as a country.

Jeremy's back from EA's wedding. In case anyone at Stussy is READING this....

Rickk, although the singing gorilla, drunk magician and hilarious mime have all been mind blowing, can you try and score this guy for my next birthday?

Dancing Goat

 

 

ENTRY #1821
1/25/11

THE SONG
: Body on Me, Nelly
THE PLACE: I don't know
THE WORD: Lu?

Dammit!

River and Tough guy are playing Waycott and Mueller in ping pong just outside my office. For some reason, Mueller feels comfortable talking shit to them during ping pong. Hey Mueller, stop by my office, I can brief you on how they got their nicknames and maybe you might want to save the shit talking for the court in Burbank? You're welcome, bud.

Canada, you sly dogs, you came up with a way to never have to hear this crappy song again. Nice work, my friends in the north!

YES! I Got The Koston's on board for "The Bachelor". Here's that nutcase, Michelle, I was telling you about in a clip Frosty calls, "Bachelor Gold". Just an FYI, Eric and I both agreed it would be awesome if she didn't get a rose and tried to kill The Bachelor. I mean, not really kill him, just stab him in the thigh or something. Be pretty cool. And Roger, seriously, not even a drunken make out is OK with this wack job.



 

 

ENTRY #1820
1/24/11

THE SONG
: She Said, She Said, The Black Keys
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: sorry

I'm going for Pittsburgh in the Super Bowl. At least until half time.

We will be closed on January 19th moving forward.


 

 

ENTRY #1819
1/18/11

THE SONG
: Check Yo Self, Ice Cube
THE PLACE: who knows
THE WORD: who cares

If you're not already, which means probably just me and other posers like Thiebaud, you have to start watching The Bachelor on Monday nights. There's a full nutcase, Michelle, on there that is going to go bonkers when she gets sent home. You will not be disappointed. (You might not recognize her right away on the show because when they are just in the house, she doesn't have 7 pounds of make up on like in this photo).

Michelle

I don't care if you subscribe to the "two wrongs don't make a right" theory. You open fire with a gun into a crowd, swat team should just take you out. The universe doesn't need you and after all that target practice, they should get to shoot you.

The Stepbrothers have the flu. Looks like you have to be super cute to get what they have. Oh, and don't worry about their activity level, before they gave into the flu, they went to the ESPN zone and a Laker game.



 

 

ENTRY #1818
1/17/11

THE SONG
: All Of The Lights, Kanye West
THE PLACE: my brain
THE WORD: on and off

I'm speechless on this one. Leave the goats alone, Drunk Fuckers.

Knocked a 12 year old face first into the snow over the weekend. I mean, in case you're looking for a babysitter or anything. Oh, and also, don't spray snow on Bird's wife. You can spray snow on him but if you spray his wife, he has to tackle you.

Mettee, what would you do if Mikey came in your office and said to get three of these made? Make it happen!

unicorncycle

My family comes to Girl to let their kids skate in the park here and they put their own tunes on. Luckily Mikey has the musical taste of a nine year old boy.



 

 

ENTRY #1817
1/14/11

THE SONG
: That's Entertainment, The Jam
THE PLACE: that
THE WORD: there

Spike thinks I'm crazy to write in my column that I might kill him. I changed my mind, I'm going to kill Rickk and Mikey and frame Spike. I know Jonze, I was just born with a big brain. Either way, you're in trouble.

Thiebaud, all that info at the end of your email, like your full name, address, skype address etc. that you tried to make look like you were making fun of by also including how to reach you by smoke signal? Fucking hilarious, dude. Really. Every time I get an email, i can't scroll too far down or I'll fall off my chair from laughing. Real talk.

Yeah, I know you can ride double on them, Rickk. That's me and Neptune on one and the rest of DBM on the other one.

Oh my God, Larson! It's a goat and a unicorn! You have about 305 shopping days until my birthday! Find this thing!

goat unicorn

 

 

ENTRY #1816
1/11/11

THE SONG
: Get Up Stand Up, Bob Marley
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: oh, I'll do it

Can I get a "Lakai or Die" t-shirt? Just sayin'.

Is the ukelele really that heavy that you had to blow this entire video with that piece of string?

Wait, it's a whip it and a shot? I think we found your pitch man.

whipped lightening

 

 

ENTRY #1815
1/10/11

THE SONG
: Holding Things Together, Merle Haggard
THE PLACE: oh...I don't know
THE WORD: fair market value

Jeremy took the day off today. Is Stussy hiring?

Has to suck when the cover is better then the original.

Kobe, can you not make hand gestures to the ref when you don't like the call? You're getting on my nerves.

Kobe Bryant

 

 

ENTRY #1814
1/7/11

THE SONG
: The Long Way Home, Supertramp
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: ok, we'll do that

Happy to say not one of these 155 drunks were Girl employees. Doesn't mean some u-turns weren't whipped to avoid it but........don't drink and drive kids.

Double shitty days, back to back. Thank you, universe, I'd send a card but I don't have your f'ing address!

Number 9, America? It doesn't look like that when I'm at an amusement park or local mall but OK.

Lu, in case we need a logo for tomorrow night, that's me with the hat on!

 

 

ENTRY #1813
1/5/11

THE SONG
: Waiting for the Day, Gerry Rafferty
THE PLACE: the universe
THE WORD: sad one

R.I.P. Gerry Rafferty...you were awesome.

Who's the general that said something about "if you want peace, you have to go to war...". He seemed like a dick at the time but I think I know what he meant. He was dealing with jocks.

The Artist formerly known as Mike Carroll, My Assistant.

 

 

ENTRY #1812
1/4/11

THE SONG
: Our House, Madness
THE PLACE: our house
THE WORD: madness

 

 

ENTRY #1811
1/3/11

THE SONG
: Two Lovers, Julio Iglesias
THE PLACE: Lu's heart
THE WORD: ....more like three....

The woman at the Japanese grocery market near Girl gives you one pack of soy sauce when you buy a box of sushi. If you ask for more, they charge you. At some point you might be increasing your bottom line by a few cents but eventually everyone just thinks you're an asshole and eats elsewhere. You will learn the hard way not to suck as many people do.

Sanger is doing a bang up job of getting his column pumping for the new year by laying on a beach in Mexico. You're the losing blogger, Carl, and you know what that means when you get to the pearly gates.

My new assistant, Michael Shawn, is back tomorrow. Mikey, the new fashion mags are out and I need ribbon from the fabric store on Beverly. Text me when you land.

Went a little too big on New Years but that's how I do it.

 

 

ENTRY #1810
12/30/10

THE SONG
: Happy Birthday, Stevie Wonder
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: Lu

Welcome to the world, little Ozzy Meza, Congrats to the entire Randoms family that is The Meza's.

Probably the last post of the year and the more things change (almost died, met a perfect hippie in the desert, danced with no shoes on, felt as lonely as I could, lost a friend, made some new friends, found out about perfection, tried cider, learned to like guacamole, work in the same building with the Lakai wonder team, joined another band, forgave someone, happy being flawed, bought my Laker season seats back, got branded, saw more live music then ever in one year) the more they stay the same (love Rickk, Mike and Spike more then the previous year, realized who my best friend was, the boys at Girl are still buying motorcycles, ate a lot of candy, OCD is on fire, didn't go to India, cried a lot, laughed a lot, bought more boots, got a text from Guy that made me cry, got a text from Smyth that made me laugh, The Turnovers are the Burbank champs and Rickk didn't buy a boat).


Happy New Year to everyone, the lovers, the haters and even The Celtics.

Welcome 2011, I've been waiting!!!!!!!!!

 

 

ENTRY #1809
12/27/10

THE SONG
: The Logical Song, Supertramp
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: not so much

Mikey is off to Rome for New Years Eve. Feds, it's on you to make sure he makes it home safe. That's right, hold his hand, hold his scarf, do whatever you have to but get him back home on the 4th of January. And have him rested and ready for handshaking.

Pao, is there any particular reason you decided to not play any defense on Christmas? Just checking. Seemed like an important time to work it into your schedule.

R.I.P. Teena Marie

 

 

ENTRY #1808
12/22/10

THE SONG
: All Of The Lights, Kanye West
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: turn them off when you leave the room, fucker

Someone asked me earlier if surfers are cooler then snowboarders. I'm just not going to get involved in that poignant and important debate.

Jeremy admitted to eating a pot cookie so I wrote up a disciplinarian form on him without him knowing. I did bake the pot cookies but I still have a little problem with the fact that he left us for Stussy a few years ago so that's just how it works.

Jenks, if you're going to buy a dirt bike, will you buy one like this? If not, will you let me know how I can buy this, I'll go trail riding with you. I'm so desert now.

 

 

ENTRY #1807
12/18/10

THE SONG
:
THE PLACE:
THE WORD:

When you come to visit our little warehouse we call home, leave your bullshit jaded agenda at the door. Thanks.

I'm not sure where to stand on the city of Philadelphia. We get people like Hershel so it seems like a good place but then the fans give Michael Vick a standing ovation when the Lakers were playing the 76'ers the other night. Really? Standing O for the guy that killed and tortured animals? Wow, you guys are sort of completely totally fucking lame.

All done calling this dude weird. He's a blast.

Girl holiday party tonight. Lots of sweaters, twice baked potatoes and martinis. Update on that tomorrow.

 

 

ENTRY #1806
12/17/10

THE SONG
: Don't Stand So Close To Me, The Police
THE PLACE: you know
THE WORD: personal space

If you have one of these, would you like to trade it for my lunch box collection? Let me know, I really need this. No, really.

Mikey's warlock costume didn't show up. Don't you hate it when that happens?

That makes two of us, Sasha.

Ripping Off Sanger's Style: #49 Willie Nelson

 

 

ENTRY #1805
12/16/10

THE SONG
: One Good Plan, Secret Service
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: let's email!

Rickk told me two nights ago that his local league could beat The Washington Wizards. Hey, we powered through almost twenty years at this place with blind faith and big dreams, let the dude live.

Spike told me last night that the piece we shot for April Fools last year with him punching Jenkins' shows off Spike's director genius because "I said things like, we should use the sound of lettuce breaking....". Thanks for the reminder, Jonzey.

Mikey went to an NFL game. Jocks? Who?

 

 

ENTRY #1804
12/14/10

THE SONG
: Lost In The Supermarket, The Clash
THE PLACE: Trader Joe's
THE WORD: Mikey

Bird, guess who's coming to Houston? Let me know if you need to talk.

Torrance, come on, not lead in the candy!

Whoever has their Sheppard Pie in the freezer, get it and put it in the dumpster outside. It's been in there since May. If it is still there on Friday, I am putting it in your office, Hersh. I know that doesn't seem fair but I can't only pick on Ben, it would seem like harassment.

And for the new year, anything anyone puts in the fridge has to have your name on it. Seriously grossed out by the stuff you people will put in there.

 

 

ENTRY #1803
12/13/10

THE SONG
: That's Entertainment, The Jam
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: this past weekend, from the plastic guitars to the tow yard in Gardena, simply amusing.

Gav, seriously, you lost him for good. In one day, Rickk and Eldridge played tennis, shot baskets, rode bikes, had a sushi dinner, watched fireworks then had a night cap at the bar they like because it's not "jocky". He's gone Gav, he truly found someone more fun then you which surprises even me.

Don't let Callaway's cardigan or perfectly pressed button down fool you, he's calling people "fucker" left and right.

Ripping Off Sanger's Style #48: Paul Weller. (I'm not putting this in quotes anymore, it's basically my feature at this point).

And speaking of Sanger...thanks for updating, bro.

 

 

ENTRY #1802
12/10/10

THE SONG
: I Missed Your Birthday, Ukellili
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: JENKINS!

For the past ten years, I get Jenkins' birthday wrong and he gets Spike's wrong. Happy Birthday Jenks, love you so much, pal.

I really have nothing to say to you because Rickk said, "can't I say anything without you posting it on Crail...". I made him sound like a jock I guess with the "basketball, boxing, soccer" quote. Really? Really? Spike's playing racquetball, Mikey's partying like a rock star over a SF Giant's World Series win and you and Bird are celebrating a local league basketball Three-Peat.

All I'm doing is reporting the facts.

Sorry.

 

 

ENTRY #1800
12/8/10

THE SONG
: Imagine, John Lennon
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: 30 years. You are greatly missed.

If my attorney that represents me in cases where customers declare bankruptcy sends me a huge fruit basket with nuts and crackers and cheese and all kinds of beautiful fruit, do I thank The Wallace Group or my attorney? Just checking, I hate when I'm rude and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Mikey, can you call me? I have to tell you what you're doing on December 18th. Or text. Or email. But here's one hint: the blue hair is perfect!

Rickk is going to be playing soccer, boxing, playing in his basketball league and skating. No, really. He announced that to us today in his office. I guess he's trying to keep u with Mikey who's doing porn trick he sees on the internet, partying, remodeling his house and skating. All Spike is doing is writing a movie and playing racquetball.

 

 

ENTRY #1799
12/7/10

THE SONG
: Middle Of The Road, Pretenders
THE PLACE: Middle of the road
THE WORD: who cares

If you work on Level One, poop on Level One. Level Two doesn't appreciate the deliveries. (Jenkins, remember at the old building when you got all upset because I asked you to eat later and poop at home?). I'm funny.

Sometimes when Lu and I are bored on a Saturday night, we just jump in a cab. Mez, let me know if you need any help on the Chocolate video, Lu filmed this whole clip.

Eldridge showed up with a real tree for me today! He's saving the community, Rickk still looking after the squirrels.

This is an apple trick, not THEE apple trick. Mikey trademarked the real one. And someone's butt is in the one that Mikey owns.

 

 

ENTRY #1798
12/6/10

THE SONG
: He Was The King, Neil Young
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: R.I.P. Don Meredith. You are the only thing I ever loved about football.

Gav, I almost called you yesterday to see if you wanted to put a wager on the Chargers/Raiders game but then I remembered that Rickk always tell me you're the biggest ass better in the world. Either way, hope you enjoyed the game. Oh, he also said you couldn't be on The Turnovers. Call me if you want all the details of what he said.

Our Feng Shui is so in place right now here at Girl. I'm on Level One and my OCD is pretty gnarly, throw River and Callaway in and this place is all out of wack. But Bird and Scotty J just moved in on Level Two so our OCD is so balanced and peaceful. Feels like a temple. Lovin' it.

Watched a sea lion dive for fish for about two hours yesterday. That's called "living on the edge". Don't try it.

 

 

ENTRY #1797
12/3/10

THE SONG
: Get Over It, Eagles
THE PLACE: Cleveland
THE WORD: You couldn't win with him, you can't win without him, he made an ass of himself in his fireworks presentation at Miami and he's not a king!

The Fucking Van is going to Vegas tomorrow with a semi sketchy crew. Mikey's going to be in it, everyone else is pretty normal. Sorry Mikey, you throw the "sketchy" meter way off. EA, you have my cell, Rickk gets deported with a felony and under no circumstances EVER EVER do you go anywhere with Mikey that is presented to you as, "...I heard about this one place....". God speed, fellas.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #47: Chick.....hasn't changed his collar in eight years. Simple, elegant, fucking cute!

Bird works here now. Has a very distinct knock if he's at your door.

 

 

ENTRY #1796
12/2/10

THE SONG
: We Are The Champions, Queen
THE PLACE: Burbank
THE WORD: Turnovers!

Finally a Three-Peat that Ben can be a part of with us! Three years in a row! Nice job, dudes!


Yesterday Eldridge went to buy a christmas tree from a lot that gives all the proceeds to the community. Rickk got a fake tree so a tree wouldn't get cut down. Now Eldridge is talking shit on Rickk saving the squirrels vs. him saving the community. Rickk? Anything?

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #46: Danny from Grease. (Please note, it's Danny from Grease, not Travolta!).

Don't hand make your holiday cards because you have to up yourself every year and if you send a regular store bought card, people talk shit on you. I might just get store bought ones and just write, "Yep, Fukcer, in August I got half my stomach cut out and have been playing catch up for 4 months, how are you".

Thiebaud, you're not that busy. You're blowing it.

 

 

ENTRY #1795
12/1/10

THE SONG
: Beautiful Day, U2
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: World Aids Day

Meet up people.

Girl Skateboard Company is a proud partner!





 

ENTRY #1794
11/29/10

THE SONG
: Sweet Memories, Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: Leslie Nielsen


Rickk tried to nurse a cold/flu yesterday by playing basketball with Eldridge, watching the sunset with Eldridge drinking scotch then drinking more scotch while watching the Lakers miserable lost to The Pacers. Needless to say, he feels shittier today

Also, Rickk finally agreed to buy a boat and Eldridge suggested they just build one. Cool, I'll be on land with the Coast Guard on speed dial.

Put his trio in, Miami. Your other trio is stale hype.


Roger got a rose this weekend. Weird.

 

 

ENTRY #1793
11/23/10

THE SONG
: Fun and Games, Lee "Scratch" Perry
THE PLACE: not here
THE WORD: not now

We're going to start our "no bullying" campaign as soon as Ben picks another team to like besides the Celtics.

Our good friend Nate started a cool foundation to commemorate his dog Murphy that passed away. Long live Murphy.

I've been totally struggling trying to figure out why Mikey had blue hair for Halloween. Finally. Super funny Mikey, Super.

 

 

ENTRY #1792
11/22/10

THE SONG
: Dance Party, Meadowland
THE PLACE: Hermosa Pier
THE WORD: non stop

Hermosa Beach Pier Rave....weird



Don't let the blue hair fool you. He's worried about his fitness and health. Frosty, as usual, over it.

 

 

ENTRY #1791
11/19/10

THE SONG
: For You Blue, The Beatles
THE PLACE: Mike's hair
THE WORD: enough

Today I told Spike's assistant that we should kill him and throw his body in the Hudson. Then I cc'd him to scare him. I know, super smart, that's why I'm in charge.

How is everyone hanging out with a goat but me?



The Gav came over last night at midnight for a few drinks, cookies and a grilled cheese sandwich. He jogged to the guest room so I think he burnt it all off

Thank you to everyone that made yesterday magical and special.
It is nice to be so surrounded by love.

 

ENTRY #1790
11/18/10

THE SONG
:
THE PLACE:
THE WORD:

For one of the first times.....speechless!

 

 

 

 

ENTRY #1789
11/16/10

THE SONG
: My Band, The Beatles
THE PLACE: Joshua Tree
THE WORD: May

Rickk......did someone throw an air ball last night in the Turnovers game? I feel like you forgot to tell me that. A little BIRD mentioned it....weird.

Going to Zumba class tonight at the gym. Not that it's gay or anything but it's super gay.

Thiebaud, seeing that I handled Canada on the high road which you know I haven't been on in quite some time, shouldn't you be out shopping for my special SF birthday gift?

Why is it asking so much to ride bikes or just play in the yard with a goat? It's starting to feel like my prayers are not reaching God.

 

ENTRY #1788
11/15/10

THE SONG
: Turn The Page, Bob Seger
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: the band

I think Rickk and Justin went to a strip club last night and pretended that Justin locked his keys in his car. They "went to play pool and then got a slice of pizza" after the Laker game. I was waiting to hear the dog ate their car keys. Gav, can I get a B.S. reading on this story?

Good thing I'm not sensitive, four people told me they aren't ever drinking my Margarita's again. I think Mike Mo will still drink them.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #45: Joe Strummer


 

 

ENTRY #1787
11/10/10

THE SONG
: Start Now, Rancid
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: it's for you, Lu

Sometimes to have a big heart, you have to have a big ego. There you go, Spike, little wisdom you'e been trying to string together yourself but even I have to do that. Jerk.

Rickk is going to a bachelor party in early December and when he was telling me about it, he said, "not the stripper kind" but then he also said "Mikey's going". Not that I think Mikey's a full blown creep but does he even go to bachelor
parties that are "not the stripper kind"?. I didn't even know he went to get a coffee if nudity and weird shit wasn't involved.

So ASR went out of business which reminds of when we pulled out of the show ten years ago and Thiebaud sent an email the next show all in a panic about if he should keep attending the show.
I mean, look at our old booth, Jim. Look at all the millions of dollars we were making! Incredible! And also look at Callaway, white shoes, size 38 chinos, should we fight to get it back on it's feet? One more point for Thiebaud.
(Theibaud was calling me right as I was typing this, straight to voice mail, that was scary).



Today in a meeting with Jenkins', Callaway, Rickk, The Mez and Smyth, Smyth had on a cardigan and used the phrase "high brow". No seriously, it's really ticking over here.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #44: Paulina....and she married a Rick Ocaseck.


 

ENTRY #1786
11/9/10

THE SONG
: Shut Up and Let Me Go, The Ting Tings
THE PLACE: there
THE WORD: please!

I hate when I have to write this column in a rush, really takes away from how good it could be. Ya know?

The Turnovers have a big game tonight which means three things: technical for Bird, technical for Rickk, a lot of yelling at Mueller.

Hey Mikey, you know those zits you get on your neck? I got one and am so grossed out. I'm trying to think of when we last hugged, did our necks touch? Seriously, don't give me neck zits, I have enough problems.

I want a goat to go on bike rides with. Lucky!

 

 

ENTRY #1785
11/8/10

THE SONG
: Oh Me, Nirvana
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: hmmm....

Rickk and Hershel will be getting their holiday bonus docked for taking my car without asking. You guys look gay in it, FYI.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #43: Bill Murray



CUTE COUPLE ALERT! River and Tough Guy, EA and Carnahan, watch your back! Rickk and Eldridge are right on your heels. When they hang out, they always make a day out of it and sometimes a day and a night. Yesterday they met at Rickk's, took one car to go skating then went to the Laker game and enjoyed a Victory over Portland together. Mikey, you're a distant memory when Justin comes around. They look really happy and they're both pretty cute.

If I had as much money as Meg Whitman and my hair was stringy and lifeless......never mind, that's so not cool.

Mikey, I want this for my birthday. I'll need a large farm to raise him on as well as a trainer. Thanks, love you.


 

 

ENTRY #1784
11/5/10

THE SONG
: What's My Name, Rihanna
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: three-peat, Ben

Mikey came in my office today with a bag of poop. He's just weird.

We're having a softball game a week from today. Get ready for some dude from Yucca that The Desert Twins bring in who hits a home run every time he gets to the plate, really strong margaritas and poor sportsmanship. Bird, Frosty, Rickk, can you guys just argue every third call instead of every single call? Thanks dudes. Oh and Mikey, whenever Rickk picks his team when you're not here, he always let's someone else pick you. When I asked him about it he said that you're really good at skateboarding but not co much at other sports. (Rickk, let me know if I was not suppose to tell him that and I'll post a correction).

Mikey, maybe a chick just into a little weed might be what you need?

I gotta go. Have a good weekend

 

 

ENTRY #1783
11/4/10

THE SONG
: Friends, Led Zeppelin
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: DBM

I'm going to just reply to texts or emails from Rickk, Mikey and Spike for the next few days with: "check my column".

Mikey, you'll need to be in my office tomorrow between 10 and 3. I think you know why.

Spike, you're blowing it.

Rickk, good job getting pants that fit that Roy Clark ass properly. Only took about 6 years. Which reminds me, did you know that Mikey, Spike and Rickk don't wear denim? True story. Spike will wear some crazy tight white cords and Mikey isn't afraid of a scarf but they just don't do denim. Fun fashion facts.........interested in that as a feature, Sanger?

I've been watching "Let's Make a Deal" to try to come up with a good Halloween costume for next year. I never said I didn't suck at life, just said you might, too.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #42: Patti Hansen....honorable mention, Keith Richards

 

 

 

ENTRY #1782
11/1/10

THE SONG
: Forever My Friend, Ray LaMontagne
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: forever

It's my birthday month. Yep.

When you say anything, does that include cleaning the men's bathroom on Level 2? Careful when you say "anything". Aloha.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #41: Tony Montana




Turnovers update tomorrow.

 

 

 

ENTRY #1781
10/29/10

THE SONG
: Happy Birthday, Altered Images
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: Nate Hershel Baltimore

I love you, sweetness!

 

 

 

ENTRY #1780
10/28/10

THE SONG
: Hot Blooded, Foreigner
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: 103, literally

Time to start talking shit, Ben. Remember, it's unfair, but it's one sided. I talk the shit and you listen because you don't want to ruffle my feathers come holiday bonus time. Ben, did you cry when they got their rings? Unrolled the new banner?

I got so sick of seeing Meg Whitman's bad hair that I switched from TV to reading. She makes me even want to stop buying from Ebay. Bangs, Meg, bangs. And don't where a belt when your build is 26, 44, 55. I know, I'm shallow.



Spike, can you call me more when you are giving directions to a cab driver as well as getting in the elevator at your building? It's really nice when I'm sick. You know my tolerance level is half the normal adult, don't test me.

 

 

ENTRY #1779
10/22/10

THE SONG
: Happy Birthday, The Ting Tings
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: Jonzetown!

Happy Birthday, Spike. And Thiebaud, sorry you had to get punked in the process. I think you've learned two things: 1. Don't trust me and 2. I might be more of an asshole then you originally thought.
Love you Jonze, keep up the good work.

in honor of Spike's birthday, a photo of him kissing Oatsie, my stuffed bear that he and Lewman lit on fire one time. Lewman, you're on Team Fucker, I just remembered how bummed I was when you two did that.


Also, in honor of Spike's birthday, a clip from his favorite movie. Or wait, is it my favorite? One of us loves it.

 

 

ENTRY #1778
10/20/10

THE SONG
: We Are The Champions, Queen
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: yep

Just got this correction in from the Captain of the Turnovers, Rickk:
"We're 6 and 0 not 5 and 0.And moved up a division.
get it straight"

 

 

 

ENTRY #1777
10/19/10

THE SONG
: Candle In The Wind, Elton John
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: no word, sometimes the song is just going to be a song I happen to hear and like so suck it.

The Turnovers managed to keep their perfect record last night despite Rickk being short his partner in poor sportsmanship. They're 5 and 0 people, simply amazing.

It's Tuesday and three people have cried in my office. Maybe one of them was me but I still think I got a good thing going here.

Mikey, did you get my birthday present yet? Exactly one month to shop from today. It's in your price range, too.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #40: Bruce Lee

 

ENTRY #1776
10/18/10

THE SONG
: So Much To Say, Dave Matthews
THE PLACE: you know
THE WORD: shut it

Magic Johnson sold his Lakers shares. What next?

 

 

ENTRY #1775
10/14/10

THE SONG
: Real Cool Time, The Stooges
THE PLACE: you know...
THE WORD: real cool

If you're a stylist in the California area, can you reach out to Meg Whitman and let her know that she needs to put that hair in a pony tail or cut it into a proper length bob? It's really bothering me. If you can reach her, contact my assistant, The Mez, and he will forward your resume.



Just did a "straight to voice mail" with Thiebaud. Dammit. Means he's back in the office and ruining the f'ing market. Can you just email me, Jim? That way I can get my talking points together before I call you back?

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #39: Boyz II Men

 

 

ENTRY #1774
10/13/10

THE SONG
: Crush, Dave Matthews Band
THE PLACE: Vegas
THE WORD: yep....

Mikey, here's another birthday present that I want. Shopbop.com, probably like a medium. Thanks.


Lu, would a peace sign be out of the question for future ink? With this tree underneath it?

Theibaud had shoulder surgery so if that means he's out of the office and we can finish out this 4th quarter not having to compete with Walmart type pricing, I think we'll be good.

Dave Matthews Vegas Quest sign up sheet starts now! Mez, if anyone stops in, get their name and email address. Start the list off with me, Lu, Rudy, G Riz and P Love. Go ahead and throw Mikey in, he's a blast.

I realized last night, even when Bird agrees with me, he's yelling at me. Pretty interesting.

Spike's birthday is coming up and we offered to have a party for him and he's being all sassy and like, "i don't know if I want a party....". You know what Jonze? Why don't you watch an episode of Hoarders and see how they find those lonely people buried alive and think about if you really want to hang on to your friends, Fucker. No one's asking those people if they want a birthday party.

 

 

ENTRY #1773
10/12/10

THE SONG
: Sweet Shoes, CMG and We Are The Night
THE PLACE: my heart
THE WORD: be still

Mikey, I'm not saying you would but just in case you ever get hammered and think about it, don't send pictures of your wiener to girls. It didn't work out well for Brett Favre and they say it's hurting his jersey sales. You don't want board sales to take a hit, Thiebaud killing us as it is.

Lil C! We already said we adored you, you didn't have to put a baby in your band!

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #38. I wanted to marry the leader or a free country, dammit. Carla Bruni.

 

 

ENTRY #1772
10/11/10

THE SONG
: In God's Country, U2
THE PLACE: Joshua Tree
THE WORD: dreamy...........

Happy Birthday Artie Lange!

Jenkins' put an all time band on the Jackass movies, hasn't seen one of them. Does that make him better then us? Spike, I think it make you look chumpy.

If these feet are a 6 on the Dirty Feet scale of 1-10, I would say my feet were about a 13 all weekend.

Sometimes I have to post just for my friends. Sorry.



 

ENTRY #1771
10/8/10

THE SONG
: Sara Smile, CMG
THE PLACE: who cares
THE WORD: ruler

Lil C still the coolest cat ever.....

So if you are in a helicopter between now and let's say, next weekend and you see any girls in the Joshua Tree area roaming lost and dehydrated, email The Mez. Mez, tell Callaway. He'll send help.

Have a good weekend.

 

 

ENTRY #1770
10/6/10

THE SONG
: Out Of Control, Rancid
THE PLACE: Joshua Tree
THE WORD: yep

I don't want to make it sound like Bird and Rickk are taking their park and rec basketball league too seriously but Rickk thought he broke his femur and Mueller got screamed at by Bird 6 times during Monday nights game. They are undefeated, though. Just ask them.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #37: The best part o Fleetwood Mac, Stevie.

I just watched my phone ring, it was Jim Thiebaud. Can I help you Jim?

 

 

ENTRY #1769
10/4/10

THE SONG
: King Without a Crown, Matisyahu
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: sucks

I thought for sure when I saw this headline it was going to be Hersh that built it. And on company time too.

Is it too early to start making my birthday list, Mikey? I know it takes you a little extra time to prepare, which is why we had to order your lunch for you and you were 45 minutes late for lunch but anyway, I'll start throwing out some suggestions. Here's #1: Cuisinart Griddler.


"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #36: The King of Queen, Freddie Mercury.

 

 

ENTRY #1768
9/30/10

THE SONG
: Right Above It, Lil Wayne
THE PLACE: right above it
THE WORD: right above it

You know what's weird? If you are on my short list of people that I would like to knee in the nuts, you just might be on a long list of people that would like to do it ahead of me. Wear a cup, buddy. I know it's warm in the I.E. but just looking out for you. Kind of.

Callaway announced yesterday that he will no longer be the diplomatic "non asshole" part of the crew so that position is open. Bird? Resume?

I started kickboxing again. Just an FYI in the event that you decide to fight Lu in the bathroom at Sharkees and I'm her back up.

Mikey! If you were fat and ten years younger......stokeage!

Here's proof he use to hang out with us. Larson, seriously, we're so over you ignoring us that we're ignoring you.

 

 

ENTRY #1767
9/29/10

THE SONG
: Worried Shoes, Karen O and The Kids
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: anthem

Mikey, you're welcome. I'd like to be a bridesmaid. Love you.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #35: John Delorean


Today was Jordan Mitchell's last day and he decided to not say, "this place is a cluster fuck" when walking out the front door. Our last sales manager said that when he was leaving. No shit, buddy.
Bon Voyage Jordan, we will miss you. Way more then we miss Larson. F'ing Larson.

Really? Neil Diamond and LL Cool J all in the same breath? OK, fine.
The list of 15 artists nominated to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame are Alice Cooper, Beastie Boys, Bon Jovi, Chic, Neil Diamond, Donovan, Dr. John, J. Geils Band, LL Cool J, Darlene Love, Laura Nyro, Donna Summer, Joe Tex, Tom Waits and Chuck Willis.

 

 

ENTRY #1766
9/28/10

THE SONG
: Calm Before The Storm, Fallout Boy
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: pretty soon

Rickk's trying to get Level Two on "Hoarders". They're doing pretty good.


Lu, for those people
that aren't on Facebook.....

Really don't have anything to say. Sorry.

 

 

ENTRY #1765
9/27/10

THE SONG
: Is It Getting Hot In Here, Clark Crawford
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: fucking hot

Hey Spike, thanks for letting me stay at your place. Can you get some groceries for when I come back? Looks like it will be late October. And not weird rare hipster cereal, real food. I already think you're cool, just get some crackers or something. Jesus.

Smyth suggested we have "Board Short Wednesday" because of the weather. If you get that in place, Sammy, let's wear underwear guys. No one wants to relive that ASR where Rickk had the Fourstar mesh shorts on with his wiener poking out at everyone.

Char, send someone to get this. ASAP. (And when I say "someone" I mean Hersh)

Mikey, we ordered you an ankle bracelet. You can still drink and do drugs, that will help us track you.

 

 

ENTRY #1764
9/24/10

THE SONG
: Only Love Can Break Your Heart, Neil Young
THE PLACE: everywhere
THE WORD: love

Short list of people that I'ld like to kick in the nuts is still short but if you're old company rhymes with Wactive and your personal name rhymes with Pain, might be on that list.

Spike is at physical therapy for his shoulder. Just annoying so I had to write it. On a positive "Spike" note, I got to see him do an amazing Q and A where he kept losing his place in what he was talking about and had to ask the commentator twice, "what was I saying". You were saying that you should skip Q and A's in the future.

I'm going to be on Oprah. Long story but true. And I'm going to have to be a little phony so just a heads up. Not like super phony but like the way Rickk nods when he's acting like he cares what you're saying. Ask Reda, he does an amazing impression of it.

Gav must be out of his mind with an actual skate event in Vegas that he had to attend?? Normally it's a photo show in Fullerton. This is pretty golden.

Ripping Off Sanger's Style #34: A boy named Sue.

 

 

ENTRY #1763
9/21/10

THE SONG
: See You Later, Elliott Smith
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: later

Happy Birthday to Paul Nett. He's the guy that use to be an extended friend through Tony Larson. Then we decided we liked Paul better then Tony then Paul got flakey then we decided we were over both of them. But then they send photos of their kids all the time and they are super cute so it's a very difficult situation.
Either way, Happy Birthday Paul. We sort of love you!

I won't be here but wanted to lay some ground rules should Char and Hersh's brain child, "Pajama Friday" come to fruition.
Men at Girl, these are not pajamas



These are pajamas.


Here's a short list of who's not in charge when I'm gone:
Hershel
Any Celtics Fans

 

 

ENTRY #1762
9/20/10

THE SONG
: Don't Sniff Coke, Pato Banton
THE PLACE: I don't care
THE WORD: coke. Thanks.

Spike, I'm not sleeping in that smaller room, seriously. I want the big room. Let's not kick this trip off with me throwing a tantrum and you stressed out. Just remember that I almost died only a month ago and what if I die a month from now? You'll feel like a shit head, right?

Does anyone have a bike they want to trade me for a Spike bobble head? The bobble head is hand made, pretty cool....if you're into Spike.
I'm looking for something like this:

I made Jenkins' captain of Team Fucker just before he took the stage to speak in front of a crowd and I haven't heard from him. True fucker style.

Rickk was trying to claim I jumped the shark with my choice of Machado in my style column. Standing by it and here's "Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #33: Buttons. Yeah, I thought so.

 

 

ENTRY #1762
9/17/10

THE SONG
: Bend In The Road, Donavon Frankenreiter
THE PLACE: life
THE WORD: fuckin' A

The other night Rickk explained who T.I. was to me. No really, when I am not here at my desk I live in a black sealed pod with no sound. Freak.

Jenkins' is on Team Fucker. He left for Melbourne, where he's going to speak in front of a bunch of people, an forgot to say "goodbye". So he's captain for now. Although with a team like Mikey Spike and Rickk, he's got some competition for that spot.

Jeremy, don't get mad but I think you should try out for one of these parts.....the lead? Mike?

Supra Pete said he had never seen my dog. Please.......

 

ENTRY #1761
9/13/10

THE SONG
: On The Floor, Julian Marley
THE PLACE: paper towels and other crap....
THE WORD: near the boys bathroom

Hersh, after you surf the net until lunch time then eat lunch then skate the park, don't leave your gross paper towels around the bathroom. If Ben wasn't so lazy, I'd totally have him decorate your office.

Took a lot of flack for that Machado choice. Whatever. Standing by it. Can you do this?


They're making a new rule on Craigslist where you can just be a whore and try and sell sex. There's other ways, Mikey.

 

 

ENTRY #1760
9/10/10

THE SONG
: What I'm Fighting For, Matisyahu
THE PLACE: decency
THE WORD: msrp....fucking right

Jenkins, you can be on Team Fucker but you're missing some of the key components. Let me talk to the panel, might be able to squeak a spot for you for all of your "no shows" from 2000 to just last year. That was some real Fucker stuff.

I didn't know about the career in darts or that we should call you Rocky. Interesting.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style": #32 Rob Machado. I feel like I could take some heat for this one but it's not like I picked a snowboarder. Sorry.



 

ENTRY #1759
9/9/10

THE SONG
: Who's The Boss, CMG and We Are The Night
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: who cares

Here's a possible name for it: BP TOTALLY FUCKED UP.

Hersh, can you rehearse this with Jeremy? I want to see if we can replace EA since he's getting hitched.

I've been working 20 minute days. I think I might get fired. (Fingers crossed).

The other night Bird told me that three times in one week he almost got into "altercations" with people and he couldn't figure out why. Weird.....Bird....

 

ENTRY #1758
9/8/10

THE SONG
: Forever My Friend, Ray Lamontagne
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: Pikor

Carnalag, I ordered this for you. I knew EA was going to leave you. He comes off very demure but I knew you weren't enough for him. I also think a support group with Tough Guy and River can't hurt.

Every time Thiebaud texts me just to see "how I'm doing" I think to myself, "uh oh, what product blow out that we'll never recover from did he do now"?.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #31: The Original Team Fucker



Moment of silence, please.

 

 

ENTRY #1757
9/2/10

THE SONG
: Go Home, Bad Veins
THE PLACE: home
THE WORD: go

Last night the valet said "you smell really good...like a hippy". What does that mean? Bird, can you email me. Baffled.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #30: Frosty. Jesus, Sanger, now I feel like you ripped me off.


Fainted today. Pretty cool year so far. Might have to get the roman numerals for 2010 tatted somewhere to remind myself not to throw around "this has been a shitty year".

You might not remember Lil C, Carlos Guiterrez, the former employee here at Girl. He called this gangster that worked for us a "buster" and almost got his ass beat. But he did the brave thing and grabbed the intercom and buzzed me really fast when he was getting choked. Anyway, he decided to leave us and be a rock star and we're backing it. You should too. CMG and We Are The Nights..........buy it. Itunes.

 

ENTRY #1756
8/31/10

THE SONG
: Happy Birthday, Altered Images
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: It's your day, Rickky! Hot Butter Knife someone!

P.S. Reda said if you were up for it, he would date you.

 

ENTRY #1755
8/27/10

THE SONG
: Fade Into You, Mazzy Star
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: ere I go.....

Thanks Thiebaud. You'll have "ruined the market" on your photo in the skateboard high school yearbook. Oh, and maybe "wrote bad poems" too. And don't try to take this up with Spike when you run into him, he acts like he's listening but then texts me and we laugh at you.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #29: Bob Marley.



Mikey explained to me today his current big dilemma. The new 7 series and the mandatory package it comes with. I feel so bad thinking about the pressure of his job. Just breathe deep Mikey, God will help you make the right choice.

Hershel, take care of that hair style. Take a look around the office, we have a "No Tolerance" on high hair for men at Girl. We let Peter rock that pompadour for years and then he caught on.

 

ENTRY #1754
8/24/10

THE SONG
: Happy Birthday, Stevie Wonder
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: Michael Carroll

Go fuck yourselves. At least when I don't post for a solid week it's because I literally almost died.

Happy Birthday to the hardest working VP in all of VP history. Love you Mikey.

 

ENTRY #1753
8/11/10

THE SONG
: Exhausted, Foo Fighters
THE PLACE: yep
THE WORD: earth

 

ENTRY #1752
8/9/10

THE SONG
: Mine, Taylor Swift
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: I already said, mine

First things first, thanks for updating your column, Sanger. You landed on Team Fucker, pal.

Wizard Ben finally came in and saw his remodeled office. He said, "it's way worse then I had thought". Hersh, Chuck, Tough Guy, nice work team. The bummed looked on his face can only be matched by our Championship next year!

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #28: Robert Plant, pre 1983.

 

ENTRY #1751
8/4/10

THE SONG
: Love the Way You Lie, Eminem
THE PLACE: yep
THE WORD: nice pull

Saturday, Jenkins and Spike were saying that sometimes when you're an asshole, as you get older you become more of an asshole. Just sayin'.

Mikey and I have been working together on "window treatments". What? You already know we're the gayest company in all of skate. Anyways, Mikey, I was thinking this for the guest room in case the Colen's come over?

Rickk's entire family has 2% body fat. Euro freaks.

Sometimes it's fun to just find out about what the brand you own really means, where is stands and if it's pure.

“Lakai is pure skate; whereas Element is a core skate brand extending into enviro-focused lifestyle footwear,” said a Billabong spokesperson.

 

ENTRY #1750
7/29/10

THE SONG
: Never Say Never, Justin Bieber
THE PLACE: near by
THE WORD: whatever

Oh, you don't just call it "Bong"? Yeah, neither do we, fuckhead.

 

 

ENTRY #1749
7/27/10

THE SONG
: Walk Away, Black Sabbath
THE PLACE: whatever
THE WORD: who cares

Wizard Ben, guess who's birthday it is today? Yep.




Hey Sanger, Spike is king of Team Fucker and now you know why? It wasn't even a pool party and when I left he said, "you're lame and being a shitty friend". If you want to turn on him together, call my assistant and we'll meet about it. (Meza's extension is 120).

I figured out what Transgender Hersh does when he's not surfing the web. He fills out "Request for Time Off" forms. Hersh, do me a favor, make a little sketch of when you WILL be here. Thanks buddy.

Rickk explained to me who "Drake....the rapper guy" is. Thanks pal. I'm in a silent completely black pod when I'm not here at Girl.

 

ENTRY #1748
7/26/10

THE SONG
: Three Little Birds, Bob Marley
THE PLACE: a tree
THE WORD: nice

Ladies, guess who's little dumpling of an ass is off the market? That's right, EA popped the question to his lucky gal. Congrats to both of them. (Hey EA, no first dance at the wedding to "Road to Joy". That would be gay).




"One foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel".

 

ENTRY #1747
7/23/10

THE SONG
: Pool Party, Randy Newman
THE PLACE: i don't know, Spike
THE WORD: i don't know, Spike

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #27: John McEnroe. I like his style of sportsmanship. Sort of a combo of Frosty and Rickk combined with a little dash of Rasheed Wallace.

Speaking of Sanger, how about updating your column, before you become a standing member of Team Fucker? Thanks buddy.

Finally Thiebaud and I had a mature text exchange. No name calling, no accusations, no having to tell him to stop pricing items at a rate that will sink the small aspect of the industry that still stands. It was really special. Memorable some might say.

Oh, yeah, you guys are totally handling that thing, BP. Don't even worry about it, it's fine.

 

 

ENTRY #1746
7/19/10

THE SONG
: That's A Great Song, Ben Harper
THE PLACE: not that song
THE WORD: sorry.

Ben, seriously, come to your new Laker office. It's the bedroom every little Laker fan wished they were lucky enough to ever have. Or if you have two teams, like say, Frosty, it is half the room you wish you ever had. Or if you have three teams, like say The Jefferson's, it is about a third of the office you wished for. Either way, come in, it's beautiful and pretty permanent.

Mikey, are you still single? This girl looks like a blast. If you're not, Spike are you? Trampoline in a dress? She's crazy.

The cap BP put on the leak is now leaking but the good news is, "it's nothing to worry about". Cool. That's awesome.

Bird wants to ask the women of Hermosa to wear a cover up if "you're just going to let all your shit hang out". He's the best guy ever for PSA's.

Chick? Really? You have to stop being so cute. It's too much.

 

ENTRY #1745
7/13/10

THE SONG
: Conversation, Alberto Igelsias
THE PLACE: shut up
THE WORD: shut up

Looks like you know who to pick first when we're picking softball teams this year, Tough Guy. Oh, and productivity? Why should I be worried about that? Rickk's in the skatepark with
a French bulldog and Mikey's walking around showing people of photos of his remodel. We're fine!




Carnalag and Hershel, leave french fries on the coffee table again Hersh is fired. I know Hersh, seems unfair but life isn't fair and I can tell you haven't learned that lesson yet. But, we will have
a going away party for you when you're fired. Cool?

 

ENTRY #1744
7/12/10

THE SONG
: One Day At A Time, Tupac
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: i yie yie!

I got a moving violation that I am going to fight in court. I hope the judge likes tears because that's my ammo.

Does anyone want to trade one of Spike's moon men for a really cool bike or something? (Settle down, Jonze, let's see what we get as offers before we get in a fight).

"Ripping off Sanger's Style" #26: Coolest drummer ever, Charlie Watts.


Hey Tough Guy, unless you want me to let Wizard Ben decorate your office when The Kings get eliminated next year, can we get a jump on decorating his office? He's got a newborn, he's exhausted, do you understand how bummed he'll be if he comes into the masterpiece that we had originally planned? And Hersh, you were Committee Chair for this project. You're fired.

 

ENTRY #1743
7/9/10

THE SONG
: Everything is Fine, Josh Turner
THE PLACE: everywhere
THE WORD: duh!

Ever wonder if you could be the V.P. of a company or even the V.P.'s favorite employee? Ever wonder how we stay afloat?

 

 

ENTRY #1742
7/2/10

THE SONG
: 4th of July, Soundgarden
THE PLACE: USA
THE WORD: go nuts

Spike's in Yemen.

Waved to Mikey last night but didn't speak to him.

Rickk upstairs bumming that Ghana got eliminated.

Have a Happy safe 4th of July!

 

ENTRY #1741
6/30/10

THE SONG
: Change The World, Eric Clapton
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: We're standing by, Wendy. Love you

I should probably talk this over with my partners but if anyone at Billabong wants to buy us, and when I say "us", you get Spike too, give me a call or email The Mez. You own everything else, might as well take us over. We're hard workers and half of us have never even cried in the building. Five of us know CPR and how to save a choking person and seven of us are forklift certified.
And the cherry on this deal, Mikey. Please.
I know it seems unaffordable and too good to be true but give it a shot.

 

ENTRY #1740
6/29/10

THE SONG
: Cute, Count Basie
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: Chick.........dammit.

Hersh, your ice dildo is still in the fridge, it just doesn't have the sock on it. Take it home or get a frat freezer in your office. It's not fair to the rest of us.

Chick is still cute, in case you've been wondering.

 

ENTRY #1739
6/28/10

THE SONG
: Talkin' To Myself, Eminem
THE PLACE: my office
THE WORD: yep

Got an update from The Beauty and The Beast Tour. Spike got sick, Malto got 3rd, one guy on Anti Hero got into a scary collision and Rickk was scared and they're camping in the center of the Swedish Coachella.
Yeah, Mez, I have to do skate updates because you're just sunning yourself in Copenhagen, dude.

In Paris, Spike told me that Thiebaud tried to break down how he prices completes and Spike was laughing because he only asked to pile on that I called him out. But either way I told Spike the market for completes might recover in about two seasons from Jim's shot calling.

This is what I've been working on all day, helping this chick find Mark or Sean or whatever.

Where do you exchange your foreign money if you forget to do it at the airport? Email The Mez and he'll let me know.

I don't think we've ever posted photos of Rickk's older brother, Sven. He's a sculptor that lives in Toronto. Much more gentler and no hand or foot sweat.

 

ENTRY #1738
6/24/10

THE SONG
: Looking for Nothing, Aimee Mann
THE PLACE: nowhere
THE WORD: nothing

Spike's super cool.

I'm always surprised that they really have FRENCH fries and FRENCH manicures in France. Those both seemed like ideas that were hatched in Huntington Beach.

Wizard Ben, did you ever think I would post a photo of Paul Pierce in my column? Even in France, I don't forget who the World Champs are, Ben.


Mez, if you're just going to post a photo and a quote, people will think we're going out of business. Stop fucking around. FYI, check with Jeremy, I fake fired him last week just to scare him.

 

ENTRY #1737
6/18/10

THE SONG
: I Love L.A., Randy Newman
THE PLACE: not Boston
THE WORD: what up, Ben?

Roger, can you check with Hersh about documenting the decorating of Ben's office. We had a detailed meeting about it today and thought you would be the best candidate to cover it. Thanks buddy. And check with Mikey but posting on Facebook about burning things down is a Girl "no no". Thanks Rog.

Wizard Ben, it's going to be a long long sweet purple and gold summer. Your office will not disappoint.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style": #25 Phil Jackson

 

ENTRY #1736
6/17/10

THE SONG
: Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson
THE PLACE: San Diego
THE WORD: Larson, handle that freak

Wizard Ben, I feel a decorating party coming on..........it's so purple and so gold. Check your crystal ball, tell me what you see. (Chuck, Party City, pronto).

Cooper and Callaway are forwarding me emails that just say "FYI" and "WTF". You guys, "OMG". Fags.

Someone did email and ask who made the pants Spike was wearing in that video the other day. He's a young celebrated Hollywood director, I'm guessing Rag and Bone? Spike?

Mikey asked me not to tell anyone that he and Rickk discussed what they were packing for the Beauty and The Beast trip. Kidding, right? Bring your little dogs, that would be so cool! And if you
happen to be on the Beast side of this trip and read this, don't judge. They've been side by side for two decades, things happen.





ENTRY #1735
6/16/10

THE SONG
: Tomorrow Night, B.B. King
THE PLACE: Staples
THE WORD: yep

he only thing we care about is not caring? Stop it, Mez. That's ridiculous.

Wizard Ben, I just wanted to apologize for Zoey being the youngest person to ever get thrown into this Lakers/Celtics mix. Don't blame June, she was just the messenger.
Here's some tickets I found for you.

I don't know anyone that's going to a rave in July.

 

ENTRY #1734
6/15/10

THE SONG
: Solo Dolo, Kid Cudi
THE PLACE: Staples
THE WORD: Rickk

Pao, any chance you can rebound and not forget that your 7 feet tall. Thanks, fucker.

No, those are not Lakai pants.




"Ripping Off Sanger's Style": #25 Darby Crash, R.I.P.



 

ENTRY #1733
6/14/10

THE SONG
: Time is Running Out, Muse
THE PLACE: LA
THE WORD: Pao....big goof set up.

Mikey, can you call me? We're about to be in a pretty big fight. Probably starting around 8 tonight?

Wizard Ben, my sister sent me an email asking what I would do with you if the Celtics beat the Lakers in the finals. I said, "fire him". She said, "that would be funny". Runs in the family!

Holy fuck, River has grey hairs! He was like, 11 when he started working here. I yie yie!

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style": #24 Jacques Cousteau.

 

ENTRY #1732
6/11/10

THE SONG
: Going Home, The Rolling Stones
THE PLACE: home
THE WORD: suck it, Manhattan Beach and your shitty ass parking set up.

Mikey, where in the hell are you? I'm about to make Spike the new VP so call me.

This is the funniest part of their site.

Whatever Wizard Ben.




"Ripping Off Sanger's Style": #23 Arthur Lee

 

ENTRY #1731
6/10/10

THE SONG
: Never Say Never, Justin Bieber
THE PLACE: you never know
THE WORD: never

Gav, I only know this because I have a sister that went to modeling school and modeled at the local mall in Torrance, but whenever your head is twice the size of the other people that are going to be in a photo with you, stand behind them. It brings their head to the forefront of the photo and you appear smaller. You're welcome.




Wizard Ben, let's keep Zoey away from any NBA games on television this evening. No need for her to see you cry at such an innocent little age.

Just look under "OUR BRANDS" and you know what to boycott.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #22: Terrence Trent Darby. I know, I know. But I saw him live once and his costumes were cool

 

ENTRY #1730
6/9/10

THE SONG
: Slippin', DMX
THE PLACE: this column
THE WORD: sorry

Hersh, last time I'm going to ask, get that ice sock dildo thing that you said is for "sports purposes" out of the freezer. Freak

Hey Wizard Ben, you didn't let Zoey watch TV last night, did you? That's bad parenting, FYI.

"Ripping Off Sanger's Style" #21: Barbara Feldon....99

 

ENTRY #1729
6/2/10

THE SONG
: Whatever, Godsmack
THE PLACE: who cares
THE WORD: yep

I knew Ben was going to have his baby right during the week when we are "re-doing" his office. Congrats to Ben and Jen on the arrival of Zoey! We love you.
(Her favorite colors are purple and gold if anyone wants to send gifts).

Hersh, that weird sock ice dildo you have in the fridge is disturbing. Think you can take that home? Thanks, pal.

Every time Rickk's basketball team has a game, he has a story about how he or Bird almost got in a fight. It's a rec center, Team Poor Sport, cool your jets.

"Ripping off Sanger's Style" #20: Annie Lennox

 

 

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