ENTRY #1475
1/5/08

THE SONG: Friends, Led Zeppelin
THE PLACE: Here
THE WORD: Now

My new years resolution was to totally commit myself to this column. To be the very best blogger I could be and make you feel like you're here in the office with us. Make you feel like when the Sparkletts dispenser freezes over and we think it's broken and River had to take the bottle off and figure out why we can't have water, that you're here. Just kidding. I'm less committed to this column then ever. Sorry.

I am adding a new feature. It's called SUNGLASSES, RANCH & A TIE. That's right, more shit about Mikey, Rickk and Spike. Basically each day, I will ask the appropriate person where their "cute little charming feature" would or wouldn't fly. Mikey is the SUNGLASSES, Rickk is the RANCH and Spikey is A TIE.
Here's goes SUNGLASSES, RANCH & A TIE #1: Question: Hey Rickk, would you put Ranch on fish sticks. Answer: Are you kidding? Love it on fish sticks.
Feature already sucks.

Hey Wizard Ben, that loss to the Knicks has to sting something fierce, right? That team sucks and they beat the World Champs? Makes you wonder, right? (Rickk made me write that, Ben. I feel like you and I are bigger then this silly banter).

Just a reminder....

ENTRY #1474
12/22/08

THE SONG: Pop Life, Prince
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: cool

Feds will definitely have a job at my bakery. You can check his Facebook page to see what's he's up to. Right, Feds?

Spike, I think before we have the gambling intervention with Rickk, we need to talk about his other new habit. He's a pot head. Why not pick up a weed habit in your 30's?

If you make a time to talk to Spike on the phone, he's always referring to Eastern Standard Time. So Soho.

Hey Sanger, don't write shit like "the internets over rated" when we're trying to sell a cloud on our site for 100K. You're working against us. You just got your piece of the pie drastically cut.

ENTRY #1473
12/18/08

THE SONG: Getting Closer, Paul McCartney
THE PLACE: year end
THE WORD: please

Mikey's juicing. I'm putting the intervention with Rickk for gambling on the back burner to get this taken care of first. Fucking great, a steroid intervention.

This might come as a surprise but Alex Olson will be part of my bakery when I open it. Long story but we're pretty much best friends thanks to Spike. He gave us a moon man, said to be nicer to each other and also said he thought Alex should be getting laid as much as Mikey. Maybe try some steroids, Alex.

How come when you people send questions in, you never ask Rick McCrank any? He's smart and sensitive.

Spike, the seller is in Florida so obviously even when I'm totally coked up, I don't fan out on people.

ENTRY #1472
12/17/08

THE SONG: Where Is My Mind, The Pixies
THE PLACE: Who knows
THE WORD: Who cares

A couple people emailed me to remind me to update my column. Just so you know, I sit out a few days here and there so The Mez can truly shine. You're welcome, Aaron.

This is my last call for items that we would like to take in trade to give to Art Dump Hershel's girl so that she'll stop smoking. You send us one of these:



A pink gun. She'll only shoot cans and abandoned refrigerators.



2 baby meerkats. Make sure they're friendly, my older brothers already told me that anything bigger then a mouse will kill you if it gets mad enough.



Or a hunky dude. Just to keep Hershel on his toes and maybe go to the tanning salon with.
Keep in mind, we're sending you a signed Mike Carroll deck and a shit load of Royal ash trays that we over ordered. And you're saving Sarah's life.

Did you know that if you're the treasurer of the corporation and you want to resign, it is appropriate to hand that resignation into the President or Vice President? (That's you two, Rickk and Mike).

ENTRY #1471
12/15/08

THE SONG: Keep On Loving You, REO Speedwagon
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: my job

Crankers isn't chopping down trees but he's innovating to keep the kids happy. Here's his newly patented "TreePee" for the holidays.




Spike, there's a bottle of wine on your counter top that Mikey and I couldn't get the cork out of because I think you store your wine at the wrong temperature and the corks are molding. Get your wine fridge checked or seriously, we're not coming over anymore. I'm not kidding this time.

My favorite club? Obviously, Hyde.

This is like watching porn for Mikey. The way she's holding it out......

ENTRY #1470
12/12/08

THE SONG: Hit Me With Your Best Shot, Pat Benatar
THE PLACE: My trainers chin
THE WORD: finally landed a punch!

Looks like Squeak E Clean worked "Single Ladies" into his play list. There's no other way he could be this stoked.




One more thing about how The Mez isn't exactly like a secretary, he never says a word to me on Boss' Day.

Looks like everyone thinks it's cool that Art Dump Hershel's chick is smoking like a chimney or maybe I just need to lower the stakes. We will also take one of these in trade for the signed Carroll deck and the Royal ash trays. It's dangerous but so is smoking.




GOOD SHIT #12: I love agile fat dudes. I sort of just love fat dudes but either way.

ENTRY #1469
12/11/08

THE SONG: Ghost, Tupac
THE PLACE: nearby
THE WORD: HELP!

I'm trying to help Art Dump Hershel help his lovely girlfriend quit smoking. She obviously won't do it just because she loves Hershel so I'm trying to get something good to offer her to get her to quit. You can help. If you have any of these:

Flying Saucer (real one, not the kind they use in Hollywood)



or an old phone. Not too old, those wooden ones are gay.



Or maybe some rare Nike's. A whole collection. If she's going to get into Nike's, she really needs to "get into" Nikes. If you know what I mean.



We'll send you a signed Mike Carroll deck and some Royal ash trays because when we ordered them, we went with the minimum and I think we've sold through about 22% of them. Our forecasting is so on point over here.
Send your offerings to The Mez. He fields all my emails for me. He's like my secretary only he has a mustache and never really works that hard to impress me.

Why would Whole Foods put the new Beyonce album right at the check out on the "impulse purchase" rack? Why? With so many of us struggling to not like that song, pretty inconsiderate. The bad news is I bought it. The good news is I hate it.

My Little Dumpling, AKA E.A. put one of those smily face things at the end of an email he sent me today. One of these :). I thought we knew each other better or was he making fun of me because I'm on Level One and he thinks we're into that shit down here? I'm pretty upset and confused and hurt. Don't assume things about Level One, EA. We have people down here with medical marijuana cards, neck tats and people that have been tasered at the river by real cops.

ENTRY #1468
12/10/08

THE SONG: My Friend, Jimi Hendrix
THE PLACE: Here
THE WORD: Happy Birthday, Jenks. Love you.

Mikey, let me know which one you want. I think chicks would most dig the "Heart Throbber" and think about how convenient it would be to just take off your jacket rather then tracking down a scarf and glasses.

Spike, just in case you want to buy me a gift for being a good friend to you, Rickk tried to suggest a "small Final Flare premier" at your house. He was willing to have it at your house but thought it was too sketchy for the skatepark here at Girl. Let me know if you need any help doing the math on how much he respects your place.

Congratulations to Tim and Kelly Gavin on the arrival of baby Sienna. Can't wait to meet her, Gav. Put that twenty bucks in her tiny little palm from that bet you lost. I'd hate to tell her dad doesn't pay his debts.

GOOD SHIT #11: Mez, if you still have that mustache, I think I found your holiday bonus.

ENTRY #1467
12/9/08

THE SONG: I Found A Reason, Cat Power
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: finally

Fuck you is the new Thank you. Figured that out this week.

Rickk, I bet against the Lakers tonight. Gav made me. I think you should slap him for manipulating me while I'm run down and vulnerable. He just took $50 of my money in the same type of situation. Thanks Rickk.

Spike's coming back to LA this weekend. I was just about to start talking shit on him again when he said he'd come back. He's cool. But when he leaves again, it's open season on celebrated indie directors.

We got the Colen's on board for moving to Portland
so here's the tally:
EA
The Meza's
The Callaways
Mikey (He goes where ever we tell him)
The Smyth's
The Bird's (not the band, Kelly and his wife)
I think at the very least, we have a solid cult. We start stock piling fireworks and you'll see us on the news.

Hey Fat Face, I mean Timmy, look what else is on the world wide web:

ENTRY #1466
12/8/08

THE SONG: Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It), Beyonce
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: kidding

Gav, there is so much information on the world wide web. Look at this;

When Hershel gets married, Mikey, Sam and I are going to plan his wedding for him at a $10,000 profit margin. That's right, Hersh, even when I've had three glasses of wine, I remember what I shake on. That was a foolish move on your part but you shook on it. Sorry, dummy. See you at your wedding.

Every time I see Carnalag I get a little smile on my face. Partly because he's back and partly because I forced him to come back with the power of this blog. It's a blog, right, Mez? Is yours a blog?

They're cuter just a little after they're born. At least that's what I think.

ENTRY #1466
12/5/08

THE SONG: Independent Women, Destiny's Child
THE PLACE: your ears
THE WORD: listen

See Spike, you almost ended up as a topic of discussion in some bar on Fairfax and not the good kind of topic. I knew when I searched the internet and no new Beastie Boys albums had dropped, you had no good excuses. And especially when it's The Mez waiting on you, hop to it.

I know a bunch of us have been trying to get that new Beyonce song out of our minds. Best way to do it is to listen to the words of her other gay song, "Independent Women" and you'll be able to be over her completely. Super effective.

Just hypothetically, if we were to have a gambling intervention with let's just say, Rickk, would we need a specialist like the guy on the show Intervention, or could we handle this ourselves? Not that we're any where near that place at all. No where even close to Rickk feeling remorse after gambling or going back to try to win his money. We are so far from any of that. We're solid.

Yep, he's still that cute. Insane. Oh my God, look at his tongue. Chick, stop it. That's enough cute.

ENTRY #1465
12/4/08

THE SONG: Let's Go, The Cars
THE PLACE: anywhere
THE WORD: now

When Wizard Ben says, "we" he means everyone else at Girl other then him. Mez, this is the second dude you referred that is turning out to be a bit of a jerk.

Smyth's at Target right now looking at cupcake stands. He definitely will be part of the bakery when I open it. Just knowing you need a cupcake stand is plenty on your resume for my bakery.

Spike, Meza thinks you're acting like a snotty celebrated director. Send him the stuff he is waiting on from you. If the thinks that, he'll tell Wizard Ben, The Gav, The Jeffersons and before you know it, you have a reputation as a prick. Believe me, I've been through it.

I have to think of a way to not like the new Beyonce song. I'm trying really hard but I can't help myself. It's so gay, I just have to keep telling myself that.

Bird and I were in a fight for 17 hours. Then we realized that cuts our friend count almost in half and we made up. And my family sort of adopted his wife so he would be alienating his wife's American family. Or something like that.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Rickk and Jenks at just one of the many black tie events they frequent.

ENTRY #1464
12/3/08

THE SONG: I'm The Boss of Me, The Vandals
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: here

I don't have a boss so no one can make me do this column. What do you have to say to that, Mez?

ENTRY #1464
12/1/08

THE SONG: Go Insane, Lindsey Buckingham
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: pretty much all day

My Thanksgiving last year involved a toast my sister made about the previous year where she mentioned "Fully Flared". That was only to be topped this year by Mikey offering that same sister a job as a life coach for the team and then her asking if she would start on the "Beauty and The Beast" tour.
Help me. I'm being held hostage.

ENTRY #1463
11/26/08

THE SONG: Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It), Beyonce
THE PLACE: you know where
THE WORD: you know

Is Mikey still considered a "Nor Cal" guy? Or would that be like Spike still being considered an "east coast" guy?

Last night Rickk and The Gav made a bet that the current Laker team could beat the Bulls most wining season record. Gav says they can't, Rickk says they can. I thought for sure it would take at least ten more years before these dudes were doing nothing but sitting on their couches in Fila sweats texting sports bets back and forth. Bringing sexy back for sure.

Spike, I played the message you and Sam left me this morning for Rickk and he said you two had officially become as funny as your dad. That's a compliment all packaged up in a sock in the gut.

GOOD SHIT #11: I don't care, I like fighting.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is my nephew, Davers, Girl employee #4 when we started this circus.

ENTRY #1462
11/25/08

THE SONG: Below The Belt, Minutemen
THE PLACE: world wide web
THE WORD: YOU SUCK

Smyth, will you tell me what exactly you do on your phone to get the bill to 78 pages?

They didn't take home "Cutest Couple" at the 15th Anniversary picnic for nothing. My Little Dumpling and Carnalag. Almost too cute.

GOOD SHIT #10: Please be true!

Last night Rickk put a weird twist on his shoulder rehab by not doing the exercises that the physical therapist listed for him to do and instead drinking an entire bottle of wine. He's so eastern medicine.

I'm trying to track these shades down for Mikey. I need them by 12/31/08, at least by 8PM.

ENTRY #1461
11/24/08

THE SONG: Big Mouth Strikes Again, Morrissey
THE PLACE: LA
THE WORD: yap yap

We're moving to Portland for the goats. Right, Mikey?

I decided last night when I was falling asleep that, in a way, we're all DJ's. Kidding.

GOOD SHIT #9:


You know how I know that Girl has the best skaters in all of skating? Rickk told me so.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is a Rickk and Spike's nephew, Jake. Only Spike would put a child in this type of danger. I'm sure Jake was in tears within 3-7 minutes of this photo being shot.

ENTRY #1460
11/21/08

THE SONG: Tipsy, J-Kwon
THE PLACE: Conference call
THE WORD: Spike

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being totally crappy and 10 being off the hook (what?), my week was about a 2. Then I got this photo from Tap fan, Spencer that his wife Sharon shot. My week is now an 11. That is a beautiful goat.




Jenks, I'm not sure if my column is the appropriate place to tell you but Spike's the new Art Director. I figured you'd understand since people break up on Facebook, this seems way less harsh then that. Have fun with your new boss.

Sales Meeting update: The gambling is going just fine.







ENTRY #1459
11/20/08

THE SONG: Cold Desert, Kings of Leon
THE PLACE: Palm Springs
THE WORD: later

No offense to the wake skate community and my new friend that is the wake skate team manager at DVS but "Wake surfing" sounds way less gay.
Just sayin'.

Spike, Rickk doesn't want me to talk about his gambling in this column anymore. He says it isn't any of your business and he enjoys it the same way you would go play racquetball or bowling. So from now on when he's gambling, most likely I will have to write that he's bowling. So much code.

He's tired of everything, too.

ENTRY #1458
11/19/08

THE SONG: Ten Pounds, Brittany McDonald
THE PLACE: Gav's mid section
THE WORD: thick

When The Gav shows up at your house on your birthday, you just might end up at the Podium sales meeting arm wrestling reps and rubbing elbows with the wake team manager. Probably won't be running for any political office any time in my life after that behavior.

Which brings me to my next subject. We're bringing The Wake back to The Ring. Not sure why but we are. There was nothing in this video that I felt like if I practiced for two weeks, I couldn't do. I'm just saying, if I applied myself, I could be sponsored by February.

They're not food, jerks!

GOOD SHIT #9:

ENTRY #1457
11/18/08

THE SONG: I'll Wait, Van Halen
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: a little while

Rickk made it to the round in the poker tournament where you don't make any money and you leave the casino bummed. That's pretty much a lot of the rounds, right? Kidding, Spike, he wasn't at the casino all night.

Carnalag took it upon himself to come up with that "cheaper then hay" slogan in the Crail store. When you grow up in Yucca, you know the price of hay. I wonder if that cracked EA up?

Almost had to bring back the HONOURARY CRAIL CANADIAN.....

Larson, buy me one of these with your DC cash.

ENTRY #1456
11/17/08

THE SONG: So Hot, Foxy Brown
THE PLACE: my living room
THE WORD: UFC 91

You can't even tell there's bottle rockets and sour patch kids in his desk drawers. Sweet placement of the Buyers Guide.

Gav texted me yesterday and we placed a bet on the Chargers/Steelers Game. The way you know who The Gav took is whoever lost.

ENTRY #1455
11/14/08

THE SONG: What Is It, Bad Religion
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: me

Staba, keep us posted on the bike for Lu. So far we have this being offered as a loaner until we get one we can keep. Problem is, this just isn't Lu's style. I know beggars shouldn't be choosey but we are.




GOOD SHIT #8: Mikey, you can borrow Brad's truck? You have camo shorts?

GOOD SHIT turned into Craisglist for Mikey. Sorry about that.

Hershel started a thing today called, "Formal Friday's". Basically he and Rickk have ties on.

ENTRY #1454
11/13/08

THE SONG: I Miss You, Bjork
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: Lu!

Spike, bad news, you won't be a partner in my bakery. The good news is you'll get 10% off when you do come in. Mikey, that's right, you're VP of cupcakes. That means even during the day, you wear the scarf and the shades.

This morning I was in a meeting with Rickk and The Mez and I couldn't help but wonder why The Mez has a mustache and Rick has feathered hair. Weird, I know neither of them work in gay porn. (Right when I was typing this, The Mez came in my office, it was weird).

Almost every dude in this building right now has plaid on. The company that trends together.......

My sister, Sue, works for the County of Los Angeles and got to wear an orange safety vest and carry a walkie talkie for the earthquake drill the county held today. Finally, I don't have the worse job in my family.

GOOD SHIT #7: When we move to Portland, looks like Mikey will make friends easily.

ENTRY #1453
11/12/08

THE SONG: Money Power and Respect, The Lox
THE PLACE: sure
THE WORD: why not

I think I'm getting a new assistant. Sorry Mikey, you had your chance. Plus, you're busy being Vice President of Global Doubt.

This is the style bike that would be perfect for Lu but we're not going to be picky. Staba might have something in the works but we're still looking.

You know who's crying a lot less and bossing people around and acting like a pushy son of a bitch a lot more? Celebrated director, rhymes with "Mike".

GOOD SHIT # 6: One more reason we're moving to Portland.

ENTRY #1452
11/11/08

THE SONG: 19th Nervous Breakdown, The Rolling Stones
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: right about now

Usually The Mez has inside breaking information like this but since he is now keeping "Wizard Hours" like Ben, he doesn't have his finger on the pulse of anything anymore. The breaking news is that Mikey picked the song that he's going to skate to in the Chocolate video. Mikey, did you want me to not put that in my column? I won't tell anyone what song it is.

You ever feel like everyone around you is a total prick? Me neither.

The Gav and Rickk had a $50 bet going that Barack Obama was going to make a special appearance at the Madonna concert last week. As if that isn't disturbing enough, Gav called to actually tried to collect on the bet. Ever feel like everyone around you is semi-retarded? Me neither.

GOOD SHIT #5: Getting tubed is awesome.

I know bicycles don't grow on trees but we're willing to barter some really great stuff in trade for the right one for Lu. It doesn't have to be fancy but that wouldn't hurt. If you're in the Oakland area and want to trade us some stuff for a bicycle, send a photo of your offering.

ENTRY #1451
11/10/08

THE SONG: So Wrong, Patsy Cline
THE PLACE: Near a goat
THE WORD: banned!

Lu's back in Cali. Oakland to be exact. If you live in the Oakland area and have a bicycle that we can barter with you for, email us. She'll probably be as happy as she is in this photo if we can get a bike for her.

Hey Bird, my eye is all healed up and it wasn't from the gym. But cruise over, I want to give you a big, "Sorry Yao sucks" hug. Love you.

GOOD SHIT #4: www.youtube.com/

Last night Mikey and I talked about the chemicals Rickk puts on his feet, being cool, emails, Spike, business lunches and keeping secrets. Hope I didn't just ruin his street cred. Oh wait, did he already do that?

ENTRY #1450
11/7/08

THE SONG: Never Going Back Again, Fleetwood Mac
THE PLACE: USA
THE WORD: finally

I'm feeling good all over accept in my right eye where I have hives or some sort of infection that Bird says I contracted at the gym. Remember a while back when I mentioned that he and I had a new kick in our friendship step? That seems to be coming to a screeching halt.

Spike is back on US soil.

Rickk, Gav, Mikey, Bird, Frosty and a few other dudes are at the Madonna show at dodger Stadium. Team Sassy can't be stopped.

GOOD SHIT #3: It's 17 minutes long but book mark it.


Hey Mez, sorry for stealing your column the other day. I wanted to see what it might feel like to be you. So I did that, ate some snacks, walked really really slow out to the skate park and peaked in. It was cool. It must be super cool being you.

Don't look at the freight that has to be received. Look at the beautiful trees.

Motto: That's What's Up

CURRENT ENTRY
11/5/08

Clip of the Day. BA with a little demo action from Mapquest.

Q & A Section
From Clif,
Q: I saw a Toyota ad where people are gettin "wild!" and living the good life because of their Toyota SUV aka racing kiddie trikes down a paved hill. In the print ad threre's definitely a pair of MJ 3 Highs and I'm pretty sure the 4 star Howard co-labs and what looks like a helmeted Andy Jenkins wearing a 4 star hoodie. Am I going insane? Or did the man throw you some sweet cheddar to get all dew tour on trikes?
A: I did get some sweet cheddar, and so did my kid (for college purposes, of course). I tried hard to pass on this commercial, but when they dangled the carrots, what was I supposed to do? And besides, it was shot just a few blocks from my house and I got to race Big Wheels all day. Fuck it. My only regret is that it didn't run longer to keep the cheese
flowing.--Andy

Send your questions here.

Gotta go. The countdown meter is calling...again.

ENTRY #1449
11/4/08

THE SONG: New Life, Depeche Mode
THE PLACE: USA
THE WORD: today

GOOD SHIT #2



Spike called from London and said he wished I was English.

Mikey didn't call at all.

Rickk went to lunch with Smyth, The Wizard and the fat Japanese kid from Podium.

ENTRY #1448
11/3/08

THE SONG: November Rain, Guns N' Roses
THE PLACE: Torrance
THE WORD: whatever

ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME, MEZA is being cancelled. I'm irritated with him for not dressing up for Halloween so no more special features for him.

I'm replacing that with a new thing called GOOD SHIT. I was going to call it SUPER GOOD but then I realized my demographic isn't just Rickk and Spike, it's Mikey, too. So it's called GOOD SHIT and it's just stuff I like. Maybe you'll like it too and you can add it to your "blog" or maybe you'll hate it and you can add it to your blog.
GOOD SHIT #1: Entertainment

This is how you treat goats.

ENTRY #1447
10/31/08

THE SONG: Stacking My Riches, Queen Boyz
THE PLACE: Some drawer in Mikey's house
THE WORD: responsible

Yesterday Bird tried to talk to me about production numbers dressed like this. I can't even remember what I said back to him. That's our VP in the background. He's into such weird shit that Bird dressed like Mr. Bill doing business means nothing to him.

I'm trying to figure out what made me feel like I needed a degree in Jiu Jitsu, the pilates thing with Mikey is his inner gay man but Smyth broke down the caesar salad thing for me and I think we might not be totally screwed after all. He just cares about his health and after realizing the cheese in a caesar salad washes away a lot of the lettuce taste, he was into it. That's gangsta if you ask me.

The East Coast Cry Baby is coming back next week. Finally, things are a wreck with out him.

You know how I know Rickk's good at tennis? He told me.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is a photo of Spike in front of our old house on Gramercy. You'll notice the grass is pretty dead. One night I mentioned that to Spike and he looked at me and basically said that we cared about different things. I'm not still holding a grudge, selfish is as selfish does. Or something like that.

ENTRY #1446
10/29/08

THE SONG: She's A Rainbow, The Rolling Stones
THE PLACE: Hersh's Car
THE WORD: Lesbian!

Sometimes I deal with Mikey and I realize why he irritates The Mez and Rickk. On the bright side, Mikey, you never irritate Spike.

Next month I test for my first belt in Jiu Jitsu. This place gets gayer by the day. Rollerskating, pilates, Jiu Jitsu, Smyth eating caesar salads. We're slippin'.

Hey Wizard Ben, tours over, everyone's back, might want to come to work, freak. I said when we hired him he didn't need an office and Rickk assured me he needed one. Right.

This machine milks two goats at one time.

ENTRY #1445
10/28/08

THE SONG: Up North Trip, Mobb Deep
THE PLACE: Sacramento
THE WORD: Mez

ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME, MEZA #6: There's internet in Northern California, Mez. That's where all this shit started.

Here's Jonzey on his birthday before he left for NY. I'm waiting for an update to see how the east coast has changed him.





I have work to do. I think Sanger updated today, check out his shit.

ENTRY #1444
10/27/08

THE SONG: Across Country, Ill Lit
THE PLACE: The Fucking Van
THE WORD: My Little Dumpling

Spike moved to NY. We were going to try to move the company there with him but it got too confusing. Now we're thinking about moving he entire company to Oregon. He'll move there once he realizes we're happier then he is.

Spread Sheet? It was "everyone in plaid and a cool hat" for this shot? Why'd you blow it by skipping the plaid part?

When Mikey doesn't have time to text me, he takes a photo of what he wanted to tell me and then emails it to me. Now you know why he's the Vice President of the company and you're not. Big brain.

ENTRY #1443
10/24/08

THE SONG: Leaving On A Jet Plane, Peter, Paul and Mary
THE PLACE: LA
THE WORD: Spikey

ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME MEZA #5: Aaron called yesterday to ask me a question and since I have caller ID I could tell he was calling from home. Out doing interviews, Aaron? You're only lying to yourself. And God knows, too. And me. And now your parents.

Checked in with Smyth last night to find out he was checking stuff out on YouTube in his hotel room. Other then the actual talent he has to manage, well, maybe just Frosty, Rickk, Mikey, and Crankers, his job seems pretty sweet.

Sometimes I feel so grateful that Mikey isn't a girl. So grateful.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD TODAY is the first Cadillac Rickk owed before he and Mikey got those matching Escalades.

ENTRY #1442
10/22/08

THE SONG: Birthday, The Sugarcubes
THE PLACE: Earth
THE WORD: Spike

Happy Birthday, Spikey. Love you tons and tons.

Last night Spike was explaining something to me and he said, "you're a woman, I'm a man". He's super smart. He's like, Hollywood smart.

If you have a bad habit and you break it because of a slogan you read on a bag where you bought a pair of yoga pants are you sharp or retarded? That's what I was worried about. The good news is I'm off the Diet Coke.

Two scarves, sunglasses and his hat bill flipped up? He's hammered. Hopefully this photo wasn't shot in a roller rink.

ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME, MEZA #4: After realizing that he didn't like the vibe around the office when Rickk, Mikey, Sam, Ben and Spread Sheet are not here, he made up some story about having to finish some work outside the office. Whatever, Aaron. Those dudes don't bake cookies, now do they?

ENTRY #1441
10/21/08

THE SONG: Yes We Can, Boy George
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: sell out

Called Smyth yesterday, who's very busy on the Fourstar tour to ask him a question and he was pretty frustrated that while walking down Bourbon street in New Orleans a fellow offered him a Jaeger bomb but that's not what Sam felt like he made for him. Sam said he could have gotten into it with the guy but he had to get to the hotel to meet Max. I tell ya', If Carroll hadn't raised the bar last month by screaming, "I'm in the bowling alley and Rickk's in the roller rink", I might have thought Sam was blowing it but thanks to the company he keeps, he's winning.

Spike, Rickk called you "fuckface" not "asshole". Sorry for that mix up.

Yesterday Bird and I had lunch together and we ordered the same thing. I see a friendship on an upswing.

Rickk, that video you made for The Mez from that thing you went to in Ramona was pretty ground breaking. Looks like Spike's film making has really rubbed off on someone.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Mike Smith. He use to have a boat called "The Guppy" and it broke down in the middle of the ocean in the middle of the night one time. He doesn't look worried.

ENTRY #1440
10/20/08

THE SONG: Here We Go Again, DMX
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: now

I like how you talk a lot of shit on us but still put us on your resume. It's cool. For both of us.

You know how I know Rickk's good at poker? He told me.

Spike, you know when we were talking earlier and you said, "Rickk's going to be bummed, huh"?. He was. He said, "thanks for the vote of confidence". I think he also might have called you "jerk" or "asshole". Figured you'd be surfing the web before we spoke again so here you go. Love you.

My sister was here earlier and got a Fourstar sweater for her husband. When she took it out of the package, she said, "Wow, you guys make cool stuff". You think she really thinks that or just liked that it was free?

ENTRY #1439
10/16/08

THE SONG: Oops! I Did It Again, Britney Spears
THE PLACE: this column
THE WORD: forgot to update

(Any time I use a Britney Spears or Eminem song, it's a nod to Mikey)

I'm not going to talk about Spike crying anymore. His birthday is coming up and he's not speaking to me. The good news is that Rickk and Mikey are reaching an emotional peak so there might be two cry babies to replace him.

Ben, that was a comeback for the ages. I hope J-Col didn't have to endure that alone.

ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME, MEZA #3: After some email correspondence today, I realized that The Mez is ready to get involved in F-U-money. This is going to be good.

Gav, you have some room left that isn't inked, yet, right? Get on this.

ENTRY #1438
10/15/08

THE SONG: On The Road Again, Willie Nelson
THE PLACE: The Road
THE WORD: Fourstar

Hey Mikey, I got one of those clip on IPOD things that people wear when they work out. It's pretty gay but it comes in 6 colors and I have a Target gift card so if you want one, I'll get you one. FYI, I'm not getting one for Chief Clipped Wing or Cry Baby Jonze.

Oh, Spike, for you: The sorrow that has not vent in tears may make other organs weep. (Henry Maudsley).

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Tone being very Un-Canadian.

ENTRY #1437
10/14/08

THE SONG: So Sick, LL Cool J
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: us

EA left on tour with Team Fourstar. He sent an email out to everyone here saying how long he'd be gone and how to reach him. What a nice dude. Rickk? Mikey? Mez? Can we get some of that out of you guys?

Spike and I are in a real fight. Not a pretend one. He made me cry before I had to go into a meeting on Friday morning so my eyes were all swollen in the meeting and someone in the meeting asked me if I had been out the night before. I'm actually mad at Rickk, Mikey and Spike because, well, I just do it that way.

ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT"S ME, MEZA #2: Cool city guy has toned his attitude down a little, might be moving to the suburbs, miles away from where the cool kids play. Happens to the best of us.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Jonze doing his best impression of a sad baby bird that needs a worm? Photo after this one is probably him in tears.

ENTRY #1436
10/13/08

THE SONG: Fade Away, Mary J Blige
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: now

ENTRY #1435
10/10/08

THE SONG: It's All About Me, Mya
THE PLACE: everywhere
THE WORD: you

I'm taking River and Tough Guy back. Can't believe I fell for anything written in The Randoms. Be warned, there' s no fact checker over at that column.

For everything else, check The Randoms.

ENTRY #1434
10/9/08

THE SONG: Going Back To Cali, Notorious B.I.G.
THE PLACE: Oakland
THE WORD: LU!!!

Well, I never thought I would say this but Mez, you can have Tough Guy and River. If they're second guessing the power of my column then have them.
And Tough Guy and River, hope you're happy in skate nerd world. And maybe you'll even get your own "Fun Fact" feature. Jerks and traitors. And Tough Guy, I'm taking the boat.

Rickk welcomed Crankers to the states with a warm night of chocolate chip cookies and an episode of Intervention on A&E. I'm pretty sure Crankers isn't going back to Canada.

Spike, do you love this picture? Are you crying?

ENTRY #1433
10/8/08

THE SONG: Bloodsucker, Deep Purple
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: always

For Spike: If you cry in the rain, does anyone know you're crying?

I'm adding a new feature to my column titled, Are You There God, It's Me, Meza. It's basically going to be a daily glimpse into how I think The Mez is feeling, what's going on with him, his mood and fashion. I think he's spent far too much time under the radar for how truly special he really is.
ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME, MEZA #1: The Mez is wearing a Lakai t-shirt today. Looks like a size large, navy in color. I think he fines the darker colors slimming and it's a great way to make Rickk and Mikey smile.

Crankers is so Hollywood now. If he comes to visit, demands sparkling water, fresh towels and whole wheat bread. But we're still BFF.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today answers the question, "What does Rickk's profile look like with a pony tail and his shirt off". Freak.

ENTRY #1432
10/6/08

THE SONG: Karma, Alicia Keys
THE PLACE: Vegas
THE WORD: Later OJ!

Spike, just wanted to let you know that Rickk can still go to "The Arcade" with the broken shoulder. He won $370 on Friday so hit him up for lunch or some hookers or something.

Click The Vacant Cloud. We're selling something dreamy. When I say "we", I mean River and Spread Sheet.

I can't do this column today. Too much crap to do.
Here's a pretty picture.

ENTRY #1431
10/3/08

THE SONG: Friday I'm In Love, The Cure
THE PLACE: my office
THE WORD: CPA

We have a position open for a nanny for Mikey. The pay is decent and includes bonus' for keeping him off the dance floor at the appropriate times and also cutting him off right when he starts using the word, "seriously".
Interested candidates please forward your resumes to the dude at the Randoms.

Guess who's in town? My best friend, Crankers. Probably some porn convention or something going on.

That's all.

ENTRY #1430
10/1/08

THE SONG: My Mistake, Smashing Pumpkins
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: Rickk, Mikey and Spike

They're back. Ban pulled. I was angry at Rickk for roller skating drunk and breaking his shoulder. And if I'm mad at one of them, I'm at all of them. But I had no idea Rickk was shooting the duck and carrying a sign while he was doing it! Super sorry to all three of you, I should get the facts before I judge anyone. (At lunch today, Spike didn't cry at all, Mikey almost cried once and Rickk teared up).




Mez, don't take stabs at me in your motto. You already know Rick named you first as people that I could beat up. And the reason I didn't use the Bob Seger version of that song is because he's supporting McCain. I guess you are, too.

Redeem Team update: In the last game, word on the street is that Bird ripped his jersey off and walked off the court. That's what I'm talkin' about!

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD is Jonzey when bob hair cuts were cool and crying wasn't.

ENTRY #1429
9/30/08

THE SONG: Turn The Page, Metallica
THE PLACE: Here
THE WORD: Now

Today is a turning point in this column. Starting today, I have had to ban Rickk, Mikey and Spike from this column. Don't start worrying about what will happen, I have plenty of other people that cry a lot, stick apples up people's butts and break their shoulders roller skating. Yeah, roller skating. And it's a tough time to say good bye to the three of them after Rickk pulled off such a proud moment but we have to do what we have to do. Later, Goofs.

What if people called you "Crabmeat" behind your back and you didn't know? It wouldn't matter, right? Because you didn't know.

An update on the Redeem Team, the b-ball team that Bird, Mueller, Callaway, Guy and Koston play for. (I can talk about them now because Rickk is off the team). They lost again last night. Bird said they made 4 baskets in 20 minutes. That's Sparks type play, guys. I wish I could hear how pissed Bird and Frosty are at the end of a game.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Mark riding the exercise machine in my old living room. I lived with a celebrated director at the time.

ENTRY #1428
9/29/08

THE SONG: Smart, Helmet
THE PLACE: Washington
THE WORD: roller skates

You know what gives you real peace of mind when it comes to your President and Vice President? Getting a hold of the Vice President to see if he can help you reach the President only to have him scream, "I'm in the bowling alley and he's in the roller skating rink, it's hard to hear". Idiots.

Spike didn't disappoint with the tears yesterday. Once on the way to Staples, twice at lunch and once on the way to his office. Basket case. But awesome basket case that I dearly love.

What do we need Wizard Ben for?

Level 2 is coming apart at the seams. First someone pooped up there and didn't flush and Mettee had to send out a mass email. Then someone turned the heat on full blast and Tough Guy had to send out a mass email. Level 1? We're just getting things done.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is pretty much the best roller skater that works here.

ENTRY #1427
9/26/08

THE SONG: Cry, Mandy Moore
THE PLACE: wherever Spike is
THE WORD: tears

Spike, don't watch this, way too emotional.

His original oils are awesome.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is an example of why you shouldn't ever email me and tell me "enough Rickk, Mikey and Spike". You know, deep in your heart, there is never enough of them.

ENTRY #1426
9/25/08

THE SONG: Guilty Conscience, Eminem and Dr. Dre
THE PLACE: Mikey's conscience
THE WORD: In 'N Out cup

Alex, totally not cool. Tough Guy and I laid claim to this boat long before you and your fancy photographer decided to do a photo shoot on it.




If Rickk had continued to play football in Canada, he would have ended up playing in he CFL. How do I know? He told me.

Smyth, you little texting social butterfly nut! Your phone bill was 48 pages. You're good.

Word on the street is that someone in the building got a tat by Kat Von Dee. Say it aint so, Wizard Ben?

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is The Gav in our old production office on Kashiwa. I can't tell who the other guy is. I thought it was Hime and then I thought it was Ferguson. Oh well.

ENTRY #1425
9/24/08

THE SONG: Listen to Me, Buddy Holly
THE PLACE: your foot
THE WORD: Rickk

There is a strong possibility on Sunday, either at around 11AM or around 6PM, that Spike will be crying. I'll get photos regardless.

There was a paper cup left on the table upstairs from In' 'N Out. Mikey, if you and I are going to remain close, you can't do shit like that. It over shadows all the other bitchin' stuff about you.

This picture is so crappy, it makes your eyes hurt. This is me and Tough Guys boat. He just needs to take the time to drag it off the property across the street. Come on, Tough Guy. You're not going to be the skipper if you can't even bring the boat home.





Gav, someone asked me if you had a goth brother.

ENTRY #1424
9/23/08

THE SONG: Cry Wolf, Stevie Nicks
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: always

After a discussion of my current kickboxing regimen, Rickk broke down for me who he thought I could beat up (here at Girl) and
why:
The Mez, Hersh, Mettee and Waycott would be an easy fight. "You could easily kick all of their asses".
Wizard Ben would be a fair fight.
He thought I couldn't beat up Spike or Mikey because "they both have that weird pent up anger".
He thought Smyth, Carnahan and EA had too much street fighting experience.
And Coleman, "he knows about good whiskey, probably has some weird fighting skills".

The casino is now called, "The Arcade". Makes your gambling addiction seem more fun.

Crying is still called crying. Sorry Spike.

Mikey, she's goth, cuts herself and is into apples? Holy dream girl.

ENTRY #1423
9/22/08

THE SONG: Done Too Soon, Neil Diamond
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: now

Spike cares more about my happiness then I do. (There Spike, is that how you wanted it
written?).

And Rickk still cares more about gambling then Spike's emotions.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Eric Bonerz in my old office. Eric edited the Goldfish video which is why when you watch the credits, his name scrolls a lot slower then the other names. He's awesome. (Eric, see that painting in the background? Bring that to me).

ENTRY #1422
9/19/08

THE SONG: By Your Side, Sade
THE PLACE: Rickk's side
THE WORD: me

Spike called me yesterday and accused me of fanning the flames on his relationship with Rickk. Fanning the flames? I'm trying to build a bridge between a cry baby and a gambling addict, you ungrateful brat. Maybe if you can clear some of the tears out of your eyes you can re-read what I wrote, you'll see that I'm the one doing all the work here.

Why does this photo look like police evidence? The other thing to note about this photo is the guy on his feet is the only one blacked out.




Larson saw this mime in NY. He was most pissed off that she was a shitty dancer. I am more bothered by the fact that mimes don't wear beanies, they were berets and this is the first one I've seen with a beer gut.

ENTRY #1421
9/18/08

THE SONG: Happy Birthday, Stevie Wonder
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: My sweet sister, Sue. I love you!

Hey Wizard Ben, I know we gave you a company credit card but what'd you buy at Rite Aid in Hollywood for $43.28? Sketchy looking purchase.

Crankers name will remain just that, Crankers. We sorted it all out. I might even start calling him Sweet Crankers. (That sounds gross, right?)

Don't want to complicate the "Spike is a cry baby/Rickk has a gambling addiction" issue. But Rickk, talk to The Mez. He weighed in and I literally had to convince him that Spike was a bigger cry baby.

An article about cheating and poker? Rickk and Jim?

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is proof that maybe The Mez is right. Is Rickk crying because his house is so shabby chic? Frosty, see that painting on the wall above the couch? Can I get that back from you?

ENTRY #1420
9/17/08

THE SONG: Cheating on You, Franz Ferdinand
THE PLACE: Deluxe
THE WORD: Jim?

J-Col and Wizard Ben, what happened last night? The good news is if Boston loses tonight, at least you have tomorrow with no game. and no game means you can't lose. Just looking out for you two kids. You seem sweet. I mean, other then the entire Boston thing, you seem sweet.

Let's hang out and be cool.

When you see sweat pants and dog tags in the catalog, Rickk is 100% in charge.

Apparently Rickk and Spike aren't going to make the effort to work together to solve their feelings about one of them being a complete gambling addict and the other being a complete and total cry baby so once again, I have to help. Rickk, Spike's just a baby, get use to it.
And Spike, if you go down this list, there's like 5 things on here that don't apply to Rickk. Well, maybe four. Definitely three.

ENTRY #1419
9/16/08

THE SONG: Having a Blast, Green Day
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: always

Hey Rickk, you know how you know if you're the boss? Are we making dog tags? I'm kidding! But are we?

Just wanted to apologize to J-Col for having to drag you through the mud in this column simply because you're married to Wizard Ben. He should have told you that he was bringing this into your marriage. And while we're talking about your husband, I don't know where he is during the day but he's not coming into the office. Just a heads up.

Mikey, look how big this apple is. Freak.




There is a slight chance that Crankers might be getting a new nickname in this column. I'm waiting for some correspondence from him and then I'll confirm. Do the right thing, Cranky, we have your episode of SKATE that we can post. You know the episode, you have that totally cool line, "hey dude, I don't want to tell you how to work your run....". Remember that episode?

Not to start a fight but Spike thinks Rickk has a gambling problem and Rickk thinks Spike is a cry baby. Seems like you two should talk because both things could be true. I'm kidding. You're both awesome, neither of your ever really gamble or cry.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Frosty and Mikey. The time stamp on the photo says 1988 but I don't think that's correct. They look like they're in a casino which would explain why Frosty had to break out his fancy Nautica polo.

ENTRY #1418
9/15/08

THE SONG: Vampire, Sinead O'Connor
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: choose

Congratulations to River and his lovely better half, Sarah on the arrival of their new son, Jackson.

Hey J-Col and Wizard Ben, what are we doing to prepare for the Tampa Bay game tonight?
(FYI, Ben, your wife's new name is J-Col).

On Friday, Frosty and I were texting back and forth about an upcoming UFC fight. Retarded. Both of us, Eric, don't get huffy.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD is a young Callaway before spread sheets were cool.

ENTRY #1417
9/12/08

THE SONG: No Time, The Guess Who
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: now

ENTRY #1416
9/11/08

THE SONG: So Hot, Foxy Brown
THE PLACE: Here
THE WORD: Dog Tags

Mez, I spoke too soon. Thanks for the most recent Alex Fun Fact, made last night a lot easier to deal with. You're the best.

Bennifer (A.K.A. Wizard Ben and his wife), imagine how lame that would have been if you would have been in that Red Sox game last night? Sit there for almost 6 hours to lose? That would have totally sucked for you two.

Spike told me yesterday that people in Hollywood get to work around 10AM and go to lunch around 1PM. Not sure how he knows that.

Nothing really to write about this photo. Just happy for The Gav.

ENTRY #1415
9/10/08

THE SONG: Cry Baby, Janis Joplin
THE PLACE: Spike
THE WORD: Doesn't matter

Mez! Don't tell me you retired the Alex Olson Fun Fact? Come on, dude. What will I talk about with my friends, now? Politics? The Hills?

Someone had two teeth pulled today. It's OK, Chick, you're still the cutest dog ever.




I didn't go in the office all day today, Mikey. Nothing you can do about it, is there?

ENTRY #1414
9/9/08

THE SONG: Waste of Time, Snoop Dogg
THE PLACE: Here
THE WORD: Now

Here's what a "Gentlemen's Agreement" is. Maybe print it out and put it on your desk?
An unwritten agreement or transaction backed only by the integrity of the counterparty to actually abide by the terms of the agreement. An agreement like this is not legally binding and could have a negative effect on business relationships if one party decides to default on their promise.

ENTRY #1413
9/8/08

THE SONG: Meet Your Master, Nine Inch Nails
THE PLACE: LA
THE WORD: Callaway

Frosty, no more Tech Decks coming your way. We found a family in Nebraska that was just a little more gracious about receiving the product. Might be a good time to think about your little attitude.

Had a pizza lunch today to bid farewell to Jennifer in our production department. She's our in house tandem surf champion as well. We'll miss you, Jen! The Mez has totally retired his "carbs don't count when the food is free" joke. Bring it back, Mez. It went full circle, I think it will work again.

And Wizard Ben showed up today. Weird how that lined up with free pizza.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is The Rickk and The Rudy back when we thought we had to go to ASR.

ENTRY #1412
9/5/08

THE SONG: Over You, Roxy Music
THE PLACE: where ever you are
THE WORD: you

I'm not sure why I thought of this but I don't think The Mez would know what to do with "F-U money". Would you, Mez? FYI, I'm going to be using the phrase "F-U money" a lot.

Hey Larson, I know you couldn't make the 15th Anniversary picnic because your brother was being crowned mayor of San Diego or something but look what you missed, poser.




Frosty, he's biting your argyle. First photo of Rickk ever not making "the face".




Ever met Wizard Ben's wife? She's awesome. Oh, and she loves the Red Sox, too.




PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Rickk. Looks like he just got a new car. Or is just learning how to drive.

ENTRY #1411
9/4/08

THE SONG: North To Alaska, Johnny Horton
THE PLACE: Alaska
THE WORD: Go Back

Walked past Smyth and Chris Roberts staring at the snack machine. Heard Chris say, "I wonder what would be good".
You manage your talent your way, we'll do it our way.

That looks really good, Ben. Super stoked you found a good artist in Cali. I'll post your wife's tomorrow.




Yesterday I called it PARTS OF THE BULLETIN BOARD but it's really called PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD. If this column paid better, I would probably make sure stuff like that didn't happen. So PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Spikey. I think he's pitching a video treatment to MCA.

ENTRY #1410
9/3/08

THE SONG: It's All I Can Do, The Cars
THE PLACE: this column
THE WORD: this column

I'm not mad at EA anymore, he's too cute. He told me last night that he wouldn't ever fuck up and go to jail because he watched that show on MSNBC and realized that prison was not a lifestyle he could make work. Probably hard to be emo in the can.

Callaway has used the "F" word twice today. If this continues, I'll get a spread sheet together to show the decline of his composure.

The Mueller/Bird/Callaway/Rickk b-ball team kicked off the opener of the season last night by losing by 30 points. Hey Wizard Ben, I'm sure it's not too late to find out about the opposing teams and you and your wife can become fans?

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Spikey back in 1995. Probably story boarding out a Beastie Boys video.

ENTRY #1409
9/2/08

THE SONG: Cool, Gwen Stefani
THE PLACE: my bloodline
THE WORD: smart

Someone sent me an email questioning if Callaway could really put together a spread sheet on our ransom policy. You're kidding, right? He can put together a multi colored spread sheet on just about anything. Don't send emails doubting Callaway, you make us all look bad.

And EA didn't get kidnapped. He's back today acting like we weren't here worried about him for an entire week. Might have done his little attitude some good to have gotten kidnapped.

How is Mikey not in this photo wearing a scarf or glasses or a flower behind his ear?

ENTRY #1408
8/29/08

THE SONG: Birthday, The Sugarcubes
THE PLACE: Wherever the Gav is....
THE WORD: We love you.

Still no word from EA and his kidnappers. We're working on our ransom policy, Callaway should have a spread sheet by early next week with our policy.
There are obviously some people we will pay top dollar to get back. EA is one of those people.
Also, if you did kidnap him, don't get him hammered. Super grouchy when he's hung over.

Rickk, Bird, Mike Mo and Jeron joined a basketball league. Bird is a total poor sport but he does nothing to hide it, you'll know before tip off. Rickk? Total closet poor sport. Keeps the sour cards totally hidden. Hopefully Jeron's ability to be happy in any situation will balance these guys out.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Rickk and Hannes. I think Rickk is trying to convince Hannes to wear some of the sporty Fourstar gear that was so athletic back in 97.

ENTRY #1407
8/28/08

THE SONG: Karma Police, Radiohead
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: soon

Day 4 and no word from EA. If you've kidnapped him, at least let us know. We need to send you his Band of Horses CD's. He can't be in captivity that long without them. And give us some rough ideas about the ransom you're looking for. We got our plates full at the moment.

Callaway went to San Diego last night for his second dose of Radiohead. Spread sheets and Radiohead. He's normal.

Yesterday in a meeting Frosty called someone a bitch. It was pretty awesome.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is not our VP. Hey Jonzey, where'd you get that jacket? That would be considered even too jocky for Fourstar back in the day.

ENTRY #1406
8/27/08

THE SONG: Perfect, Smashing Pumpkins
THE PLACE: DNC
THE WORD: Hilary!

No word from EA or his kidnappers. I am socking a little money away for the ransom just in case. Thinking about how cute My Little Dumpling really is has me worried they'll see right past the beer belly.

Yesterday Spike got a parking ticket for illegally parking and he patted the cop on the shoulder and said, "you do good things and spread good karma". So, you're above the law, Spike? Let me know, it helps me understand you.

Do you like this photo? Just checking.

ENTRY #1405
8/25/08

THE SONG: Sweet Sixteen, Billy Idol
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: this year....

Yesterday we celebrated our
15 year anniversary and a good time was had by all. I'm sure Ben has at least two photos he will give to The Mez to post.
I definitely saw him take at least two.
Oh, and one more thing, Ben. It's The Mez' job to over hear things said to me that would make me incredibly uncomfortable and repeat them back to me. You do your job.

USA finished with the most gold medals in the olympics. Rickk? Misato?

My Little Dumpling, aka EA, aka one of The Desert Twins, went on a week long Mexico trip. He's nervous about getting kidnapped because when he was little his mom told him that blonde haired boys with blue eyes are prime targets for kidnappers. How cute is it that he still thinks with the beer gut and the 5 o'clock shadow he's still a target? Pretty cute.

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Spike and in the distance, Vince Landay. Probably working on a Beasties Boys video. Kidding, Jonze.
You were probably making a movie.

ENTRY #1404
8/22/08

THE SONG: Celebration, Kool and The Gang
THE PLACE: The Valley
THE WORD: 15

Carnahan taught his dog how to "high five". That's keepin' it Yucca.




Misato and Rickk have decided, throughout the Olympic games, to not cheer for any of the American athletes. Way to secure those visa's for the future.

Tough Guy, River, Chuck and I aren't worried about natural disasters. (Think how funny this will be to read if you see us on the news in a raft).

PARTS FROM THE BULLETIN BOARD today is Rickk's fish tank from about 8 years ago. He watches Cribs on MTV. He knew when he and Mikey got matching Escalades, one of them needed an "exotic" fish tank.

ENTRY #1403
8/20/08

THE SONG: R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A, John Mellencamp
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: now

They give him a statue when kids today do not even know who The Fonz is and on top of that the statue looks more like Christopher Walken then Henry Winkler? Nice work, Wisconsin.

Tough Guy has refused to accept the fact that Rickk got a Prius. I think he's just going to pretend he's borrowing Bird's car when he sees him driving it.

Desert Twins Fun Fact #2: Each of them has an older brother that I've never heard either of them say a bad thing about.

Here's what I saw in Paris.




Profile, anyone? What could he be sad about? Maybe he's just thinking.

ENTRY #1402
8/18/08

FUCKING TRAVEL DAY

ENTRY #1401
8/15/08

THE SONG: Lonely Too Long, David Cassidy
THE PLACE: Girl
THE WORD: Jenkins

Spike, touche buddy.

Chick wakes up.




Chick goes back to sleep.

ENTRY #1400
8/14/08

THE SONG: Home Sweet Home, Motley Crue
THE PLACE: Torrance
THE WORD: missin' it.....

Mikey, I guess when she took a closer look at the action sports, BMX looked more promising. Oh well, her loss.

You know how you know when you're feeling sad? When you wonder if it would be fun to be riding shot gun with The Mez driving through Canada and Rickk and Mikey in the backseat. I love you guys but a tour is not going to cheer me up.

Mez, Tomy Lee is humping Daisy from Rock of Love. You sort of knew that would happen, right?

Jonze-Town, next time you listen in on one of my riveting conversations, I re-post your idea to hold each item in Wallride and be in the photo with the product. Jerk.