|
CURRENT
ENTRY >> DRUNK TAP UPDATE: We're changing the rules a little bit here. Apparently Bird is having trouble installing the bartending course software onto his Commodore 64. Combine that with the fact that the "kits" that we received in the mail to practice with are essentially a couple of cups, some straws and those little plastic swords and you've got a new rule in the works. Basically, the contestants can get their bartending license any way they please; via online course, at a real live bartending school or whatever. The end justifies the means, it's not the destination it's the journey or however those sayings go... the person who gets a bartending job by May 31st and who makes the most money on their first night working still wins $2000. >> Mike Carroll was bummed that we didn't mention that he was hangin' at that Muska/Koston demo where the Mez was perving out last weekend. To make up for it, here's the full scoop on what went down at that demo last Saturday: Mikey arrived with the Mez in tow. The Randomer was surprised to see them there because we hadn't talked about it beforehand but managed to bump into each other there. Soon after they arrived and we said our hellos and bro'd down with high fives some kids spotted Mikey and formed a huddle around him and so the Mez and the Randomer stood around for a while talking while Mikey signed autographs. The Mez made some comments about the Randomer's hair, threw a random "It's been a while since you got laid, huh?" in there and then the Mez made a comment about Mikey being "the king of the dipshits" or something to that effect. Actually, first the Mez said something about feeling like a perv for even being there and he said he hoped that nobody that went to his high school back in the day drove by and then he said the thing about Mikey being the king of the dipshits. One of the things that makes the Mez a great cult leader is that he's a straight shooter and will tell it to you the way he thinks it is. Anyway, after the crowd had thinned and Mikey was given some room to breathe, him and the Mez engaged in a conversation with some half albino looking dude with a pony tail. Not sure who he was but he seemed like a long lost friend of theirs. Mike and pony tail dude got into a conversation about Japan and Mikey told him that he didn't really have much of a reason to go there anymore because he used to go for the electronics but the iPod basically blew everything out of the water. Next, Nate showed up and he and Mikey had a pressure flip contest on the flat ground. When that was over, the Mez and Mikey went and got something to eat and the Randomer went home. It was another shockingly exciting Saturday afternoon. Oh, and Mikey didn't skate in the demo I don't think. >> We found out today that Megan has been watching the Soap Opera Channel all day every day in her office for the past six months. We could tell that she had some sort of problem and we were wondering why this company was falling apart at the seams but now we know why and so we can finally address the issue. We're going to try and wean her off of soaps over the next few weeks so we'll let you know business goes after that. >> As promised, Oliver Barton breaks down the difference between a Chav and a Pikey for you: "Chavs and Pikeys are effectively spawned of the same genotype, it is more circumstance that decides whether one is Pikey or Chav. Pikeys represent the more traditional Gypsy side of the family tree and are generally speaking, more dangerous though less vocally abusive than a Chav. A Pikey is far less concerned with external appearance than a Chav, so recognising a proper Pikey is harder than spotting a complete Chav. Christopher Massey who has conducted extensive research into the Chav/Pikey epidemic in the Amptil/Bedford area has outlined a few differences for the benefit of the uninitiated Tapper: Pikey:
big black dog called Prince Basically, a Chav is a bit of a Pikey that thinks the cheap gold and novelty Blazzin Squad cell phone ring makes them a bit posh. There are many celebrity Chavs but "Celebrity Pikey" is a bit oxymoronic; at the first whiff of fame, Pikeys tend to convert to Chavdom or disappear without trace. Eminem is a good example of someone who had the potential to be a great pikey, but the money and fame softened him into Burberry Chav. The Pikeys are the ones keeping it real. For
further Chav reference see:
>> PUT THIS IN YOUR PIPE AND QUOTE IT: "What if the interest rates go to 3,000,000,000%?" - Mikey "Friday is my official blackout night" - Jeremy Carnahan "The Pikeys are the ones keeping it real" - Bartok .
PAST
ENTRY >> Sorry, no clever April Fool's day jokes for you today. >> It appears
as though Rick Raymond's triumphant return to the Tap has been
postponed once again for three reasons: >> If you're from anywhere except for the UK then you probably don't have much of an idea what a "pikey" or a "chav" is. Those two words are somewhat durogatory terms used in the United Kingdom to describe a certain type of undesireable. Tomorrow in the Randoms one of Tha Tap's newest employees, Oliver Barton, who was born and raised in England, is going to describe for you the difference between a pikey and a chav. At least we hope he is. >> You should probably go and vote for your favorite team over at the Active mailorder site right now. >> CITA IS SPANISH FOR QUOTE: "Barneys are Barneys for a reason, bro" - The Mez "This is the best inventory count ever!" - Gregulator
PAST
ENTRY >> RICK
MCCRANK'S LAWN UPDATE: >> RANDOMS
UPDATE: >> The Girl web site has been updated with a bunch of new products and stuff to look at so when you're done here, go there. >> Lakai just got their new catalog/magazine thing in. It's issue #2 and it's filled with interviews, articles, and photos and it features a bunch of upcoming products including a co-branded Lakai/Crailtap Rickk Howard shoe that's a part of their Lakai Limited Editions and will be available in a few months time. We'll let you know when it is. Check out issue #1 of the Lakai catalog/zine here. You know at the mall how they have those wacky, zany hat booths right in the middle where you walk? You know that one friend of yours who always stops at the booth, puts on the goofiest hat and is like "Duh, hey guys! Check it out!" and everybody looks over and laughs because he looks ridiculous? Lakai's Elmer Fudd cap is coming soon. >> That's all.
PAST
ENTRY >> NATE
UPDATE: >>
DRUNK TAP UPDATE: >> CRAIL
TAP VIDEO UPDATE: >> STABA
UPDATE: >> RAYMOND
UPDATE: >> MAGAZINE
UPDATE: >> TEAM
UPDATE: >> UPDATE
UPDATE:
PAST
ENTRY >> DRUNK TAP UPDATE: Some
major developments in our $2000 DT Challenge unfolded this past Saturday:
But seriously, Megan's in the lead but it is still anybody's game. >> Have you poked around the Crailshop lately? We updated with a bunch of new sizes and stuff, plus there's some newer items in there for you. >> Have you ever hung out with The Mez at a skateboarding demo where Koston and the Muska were skating and you felt like a perv for just being there? Kinda hard to explain but holy weird demo. >> Kenny Anderson put on a benefit for a friend of his in Las Vegas this past weekend. Something like his friend got sick and didn't have insurance and so Kenny organized some crazy demo/contest thing to help the dude out? Look for photos and more info soon (Kenny, if you're reading this, send us some photos and more info... soon). >> We told you how Cyril "Don't Call Me Lance Jr" Mountain got married, right? Well we just talked to one of his old band mates and the band is bumming. Since the marriage the band pretty much fell apart and they haven't been jamming. We'll be bringing you more updates on people we barely know and that we sometimes hear rumors about in the coming weeks. Stay tuned.
Is Rickk endorsing more toys? We're not entirely sure but we're giving you a chance to win the Rickk toy pictured above! All you have to do is send us a photo of Rickk in a CalTrans jumpsuit picking up garbage on the side of a southern California freeway. The contest will be cancelled if Rickk ends up going to jail instead of doing his community service hours and in the case that we get more than one entry to the contest we will pick the winner's name out of a hat. Send entries to:
Rickk's Going To Jail BONUS!: >> We're not kidding about the above contest and we're also not kidding about stealing Robbie and Chris's skate box. We actually need you to steal it so we have something to write about in this column. >> QUOTES OF THE DAY: "My dad's a pikey" - Bartok
PAST
ENTRY >> Hey, guess what? That Kevin Taylor dude is now riding Royal trucks! Look for him in the next Royal advertisement in your favorite skateboarding periodical. >> Yesterday we called FTC "FTC's" but we caught the mistake and fixed it hopefully before you even noticed. But man, we're really really sorry. >> Also in the corrections department, the flier we showed you yesterday for that Girl demo in England said that the demo was on May 6th but it's actually on June 6th. We were going to blame it on Jenkins but he's still mad about that thing we wrote about him being a pisstank yesterday so we're gonna blame it on Smyth instead. If you already booked a flight to England for May 6th and now you're basically screwed because you're not gonna be able to watch the demo then blame Sam. >> Even more in the correctional department, we're still waiting to hear about Rickk's yet-to-happen freeway-side autograph signing session. The Ringer is claiming jail time but we were really hoping to get an ad out of this. TWO FROM LEW TO YOU: 1:
2: >> Do you have a crazy, kooky invention that will revolutionize skateboarding as we know it? Maybe you should call Megan and call her the "C" word while you're trying to sell it to us. Here's an example of how the conversation might go down: MEGAN: "Hello?" YOU: Hey! What's up c___? Buy some of these Sk8 Safely Stoppers things that I invented. They're bitchin'. MEGAN: Sweet! Put us down for a shitload! You're gonna be rich, dude! >> DRUNK TAP UPDATE: Last night Bird and Bob K ran into each other at a bar purely by fluke. Bob was on his way out the door after getting some helpful pointers from the bartender and Bird was stuck in the line waiting to get in. Bird's gay bar strategy looks like it just might pan out (the bar they ran into each other at wasn't a gay bar, in case you were wondering) as Bird is claiming "They only hire straight dudes in those places... but there's still a chance of me gettin' rufied so we'll see". Megan did her homework and has mastered the art of mixing White Russians which contain 2 ounces of vodka, 1 ounce of light cream and 1 ounce of Kahlua. We're pretty sure the score right now is: Megan
- 2 It doesn't really matter what the score is though because to take the prize the only thing that matters is that first night of tips. >> QUOTES: "It's too bad hip sacks are gay" - Megan
PAST
ENTRY >> We've dropped hints about Drunk Tap but the day has finally arrived when we announce to you the low down on the first ever... DRUNK TAP CHALLENGE! Over the next two months, Megan, Bird and Bob K will each be taking an online bartending course. In fact, they're already signed up. After they've taken the course, passed the test and have become certified bartenders by the State of California, each of them will go out and find a job bartending at an LA nightclub. The challenge (aside from becoming a certified bartender and landing a job) is to see who can make the most tips on their first night of bartending. The deadline for getting hired and working a night is May 31st and the contestant who makes the most tips on their first night wins $2000! Yep. That's the challenge. Not only will we keep you updated on how the three are progressing but we'll also be bringing you "FUCKIN' CHEATER" a report written by any given contestant whenever they think another contestant is cheating. Even though it's early in the game, each contestant has already revealed different strategies. Bird is talking about working a gay bar on Santa Monica Blvd, Megan is talking about working the cleavage angle and is shootin' for a strip club on Cinco De Mayo and Bob K has already been called a fuckin' cheater twice, once for planning to score an easy gig at the bar that Kent from FTC's owns in San Francisco and twice for being the first person to start the online course. It's anybody's guess who will win the first ever DRUNK TAP CHALLENGE! >> While we're on the topic of drunk, that Art Prostitute magazine release party thing is tonight. Andy Jenkins told us he's going to "get blindingly hammered" at the party, much like he does every Thursday night. We'll try to keep our eyes on him but if you're there and you spot a dude outside the club with a goatie and glasses stumbling towards a truck that has a dirtbike in the back of it then please offer the dude a ride home. He'd do the same for you. >> We just decided to make today Shit Hammered Day on Crail Tap. I guess we can throw the "no beer on Tha Tap" rule out the window now. >> I wonder how Brian and Brad are feeling on this Shit Hammered Day? We found out by way of a drunken phone call late last night that their new motto is "DBO in the 04!" which means "Double Black Out in 2004". You can't make this type of stuff up, people. I mean we probably could, but we're not. >> Did you steal Chris and Robbie's box yet? You should. But you should get really hammered first and then steal their box. >> Yep, we're making getting drunk cool again but it's only cool if you're over 21. Actually, in Canada it's totally cool if you're over 19 and we don't expect any lawsuits from Europe because they don't have a drinking age so all you Euros should get shitfaced right now regardless of how old you are.
PAST
ENTRY >> FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: We would like to inform everyone that Tim Gavin, otherwise known as "The Gav", has been let go from the Team Crail Tap roster. Earlier this year The Gav appeared throwing a shaka on the cover of a surf business journal and was subsequently kicked off of team Crail Tap, but we took him back after many heated meetings and much deliberation with his manager and lawyers who claimed that by firing him we were breaching the contract that both parties had signed in early 2002. Sadly, on Tuesday, March 23, 2004 we viewed a new video magazine in which there were at least three minutes of footage of The Gav, shirtless, in a DVS tour article. Immediately following the video the Crail Tap management and editorial teams held an emergency meeting and a unanimous vote was cast to get rid of The Gav for good. Tim breached his contract with us by appearing in a video without a Crail Tap t-shirt on which made it perfectly legal for us to terminate his contract. This termination is effective immediately. Tim, it's been a great run but it's really over this time. You're fired, bro. >> Rick's
cousin Rich McCrank: still ripping and a shoe-in as the replacement
for >> ANOTHER PRESS RELEASE: Eric Koston is now riding for Fillmore wheels along with with MJ, Gino, Mike Carroll and Justin Eldridge. >> Do you want a free Chocolate board? All you have to do is find out where the Girl mansion is, steal Robbie and Chris's skate box and then return it to them a few days later. They'll even sign the board for you and send in photos of themselves kickin' it with you so we can let everybody know what kind of a hero you are. >> Just in case you missed it yesterday, another friendly reminder that the polls are back and that you should cast your vote. The polls are our way of showing you that we care. >> If you have an e-mail address you might have already got a message from Greg Carroll concerning this so we apologize in advance for the repeat message.... but Art Prostitute Magazine is having a launch party in LA to celebrate the latest issue in which the Girl Art Dump is featured. The whole naked/whore theme is a little confusing/disturbing but we're fairly certain it's an actual launch party for the magazine and not a bachelor party with actual whores and stuff. Anyway, the party is tomorrow night, the Art Dump is gonna be there and you're invited if you're over 21. Learn more here. >> A QUOTE TO NOTE: "Raymond's done partying and has dedicated his life to the Romper Room" - Raymond
PAST
ENTRY
>> TY'S TOTALLY AWESOME OPOSSUM UPDATE: "So I finally found a home for our lil bastard. I got a call from Mary the Wild Life Rehabilitator. I brought it over to her house, I walk in and she has lil varmints in cages all over! Turns out she is the number one squirrel and opossum rehabilitator in Los Angeles. She took a look at the lil bastard and began to tell me he is in perfect condition and then showed me his balls... we got a boy folks! She then opened up an incubator and pulled open a sheet to reveal a litter of lil opossum bastards! She put our lil guy in there with them and he was so psyched! He started squealing and partying with all the other lil fuckers. She told me she was gonna raise him until he can take care of himself and then let him go in the wild. She then gave me a tour of her compound. She had three areas: first was for the newborns where our lil bastard was put, second was for the juvenile bastards and third was for the big ass bastards about ready to go back into the wild. She also showed me Jerry the retarded squirrel and a northern grey squirrel that was a badass fucker. He would make all these crazy noises and try to bite you if you fucked with him. Well that's it, I got to say I already miss the lil bastard. And on a side note, is it weird that when I was leaving Atiba's house last night that there was a full grown opossum in his front yard? Weird. - Ty" >> In other opossum news, Robbie Mckinley thinks that Ty should name the opossum "Striker" because "That's the best fuckin' name ever!". Robbie was going to save the name to use on a dog if he got one some day but he gave it up for the sake of the lil critter. It looks as if we're naming him Gene though. >> Whatever happened to those kids who brought back Robbie and Chris Roberts' stolen skate box anyhow? We heard their posse actually has a posse name and that they have a video camera and have been filming a lot lately so maybe we'll bring you a clip of them shredding on the box that they brought back and pretended that they weren't the ones who stole it in the first place. >> Yo, Nate: please chill out with the phone messages. There are only so many hours in a day. >> We're pretty sure Jeron, Chico and Daniel are in Australia right now but we could be wrong. Daniel usually comes in here with York but we haven't seen either of those two for a couple of days so who knows. Thought you might want to know. >> We had a bunch of other stuff to tell you but compared to opossums and Australia it all just seems really boring. >> IT'S NOT A GOAT, IT'S A QUOTE: "I just walked in and saw a brown ball"- Mueller "Everybody's gettin' trollied" - Bartok
PAST
ENTRY >> Thanks to Ty Evans, it looks like we have a new motto. The Randoms motto will remain the same (KEEPING IT WAY LIVE) but Tha Tap as a whole is adopting a new one for the time being: CRAIL TAP: SAVING THE WORLD, ONE OPOSSUM AT A TIME Here's why, direct from Ty: "So we were skating yesterday. We pull over to wait for Rick and what do we see? Blood everywhere and a dead opossum ripped in half in in the middle of the street... road kill... all of a sudden Carroll is like "What the hell is that?" We all look down and see a lil bastard baby opossum about 3 inches long struggling around in the middle of the street. He's looking for his mom but his mom is dead and ripped in 2 pieces and ain't about to help the lil fucker. So I pick him up and put him in a box and we go skating for the rest of the day. At the end of the day we try to take him to an animal shelter but all they tell me is that they are gonna put the lil bastard to sleep... so now I take him home and get on the internet and start nursing the fucker back to good health (I fed him pedialyte with an eye dropper to get him hydrated, lil fucker was hella thirsty). Meanwhile I have called all these wildlife societies and opossum organizations to try to get the lil bastard some help and no one is calling me back!!! What am I supposed to do, just have a pet opossum? Take him to the dog park on a leash with Scott and Blue? So the lil fucker is hungry... I got to go now... I got to go to Petco and pick up some esbilac milk for the lil bastard. If anyone reading Crail knows someone that can take the lil bastard off my hands have em e-mail the tap... I'll keep you posted. - Ty"
>> You noticed that the polls are back, right? Just making sure.
>> Aside from that, there's really nothing interesting going on today.
PAST
ENTRY >> The column you are about to read is based on a true story. >> Do you know how excited we get when new stickers arrive? Very excited. No joke. New Girl and Chocolate stickers arrived today at Crail Tap HQ. Wait, is that "decals" or do you call them stickers? When we say stickers you know that we're talking about decals, right? >> MR OLIVER BARTOK'S JOKE OF THE DAY: Q: What do
you call a man with a shovel in his head? >> We got a sponsor me tape in the mail from Rick's cousin, Rich McCrank, today. It's no surprise that the dude totally rips so look forward to a Rich feature on Tha Tap in a month and a little bit. >> Here's a rad, free idea for an ad if you own a skateboard wheel company: first, take a photo of one of the dudes on your team and make sure he looks like he's in deep thought. Maybe he's got his hand on his chin and his brow is furrowed and he's looking up at the sky. Make sure it's one of the funny guys on your team so that people laugh and think your wheel company is not only rad, but it has a sense of humor. Next, make a thought bubble coming from your team rider's head, and in that thought bubble put a skate photo of the dude or maybe just a photo of one of the wheels that you make. Last, on the bottom of the ad put the words THE WHEELS ARE TURNING really big along with your logo underneath. We gaurantee that you'll sell tons of wheels if you use this campaign idea and we're providing it to you absolutely free! Come back next week for more ideas on how to make it big in the skateboarding industry. We're here to help. >> A ton of hot babes called Nate last night! Here's the update: "OK SO 4 LADYS CALLED AND LIKE 30 DUDES, I WAS TRYING NOT TO TALK TO THE DUDES I WAS LIKE FUCK OFF I GOT THE ANTI SOCIAL VIDEO. THE LADYS I SPOKE TO I HERD NOTHING OUT OF THERE MOUTHS DUE TO THE FACT I WAS WATCHING THE ANTISOCIAL VIDEO OVER AND OVER. IT IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPEND TO ME IN YEARS." This is probably a good opportunity to remind you that you can watch the trailer for the Antisocial video here and that we're selling it in the Crailshop. We only have it on DVD but you can also buy it on VHS direct from Antisocial. There's been whispers of Laserdisc copies being available in early 2005 as well. >> Stay tuned on Monday when we post Paul Rodriguez's cell number so that hot babes can call him!
PAST
ENTRY >> Have you ever heard a recording of your own voice and been like "Oh man, I sound like that?" Well, we're hoping that Koston won't be listening to LA radio for the next couple of weeks. We were considering posting an MP3 of the radio commercial that Eric and The Muska are starring in right now but we figured Eric might sue us for attempting to end his career so you're just gonna have to tune in to the FM and find it yourself. >> BARTOK'S JOKE OF THE DAY: Q: What do
you call a man with a seagull on his head? Stay tuned for more jokes from Bartok and if your name is Bartok and you're reading this then please send us more jokes so we can post them. >> Okay, we're abandoning whatever our last motto for this column was for a brand new one: THE RANDOMS: KEEPING IT MORE LIVE THAN ANY OTHER COLUMN EVER Here's a few things
that happened in the last two minutes: >> Nate
Sherwood wants us to post his phone number again except this time
he wants us to tell any interested ladies who live in Southern California
and are over 21 to give him a call. He's made the suggestion to us about
30 times and because we're tired of him asking and also because Tha
Tap has been known to have made many a love connection over the years,
here you go: >> QUOTE ISLAND: "I'll probably be calling back a bunch of times" - Mikey, getting back to his old self "I'll probably have my shirt off" - Spike, sadly over influenced by Ty "What a fuckin' goofbag" - Bird
PAST
ENTRY >> Smyth forwarded us a bunch of photos that that Scooby Doo filmer guy sent in from Florida. Most of the photos were really weird and the ones below, if you can believe it, are the least weird. Enjoy SCOOBY DOO'S WEIRD WEEKEND starring Koston, Smyth, McCrank and Justin Eldridge:
>> I wonder if CalTrans has green jumpers for St Patrick's Day or if Rickk is wearing the standard orange jumper right now. Also, if it was St Patrick's Day and you threw those dyed green pistachio shells out the window of your vehicle on the freeway and you had to go to trial and the judge was Irish do you think he'd go easier on you? >> Damn this live column crap... Rickk just walked by. Looks like he's not wearing a jumper today but he's going to reschedule with his PO for next so we'll let you know. >> McCrank has been jamming in his basement with a group of rowdy Canadians lately. We don't think the band has a name yet, in fact we don't even think it IS a band yet but when it is you can bet that we'll be sharing some MP3s with you. >> IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE QUOTE, GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN: "I'm like the Japanese Jesus" - Kenny Anderson
PAST
ENTRY >> Apparently there's been some confusion about Megan's book that's being released on Cartoonlink. It was written by Anne Gibbons, not by Megan, and it is a celebration of Megan and the inspiration she gives to women in the workplace everywhere. Anne and Megan will both be doing a signing at Borders Books on the Promenade in Santa Monica next month. Stay tuned for details. >> Still no word about Rickk's freeway detail/autograph session though we have a feeling it's going to happen some time within the next 48 hours. Stay close to your computer if you live in Socal because we'll be posting the flier only a couple of hours before the event begins. Wait a minute... you know how the Ringer sometimes does that thing where they show you how live their column is? Well, once again we're dipping into the collective idea pool and letting you know that Rickk just stopped by two seconds ago and told us that his signing is tomorrow and that he's going to let us know first thing which freeway you should drive to take photos of him picking up garbage. >> There's a good chance that Mikey is going to be back for the second coming of Friendster Friday, coming this Friday! >> How many Thursdays have you spent waiting in anticipation for Friendster Friday? Tons, right? Us too. >> THE QUOTE BOAT: "I hate all of the people on Ebay" - Bird "Jesus wasn't in that one" - Rob Abeyta on the movie Armageddon "The Randoms sucked today" - Not Brad "No wonder Meza doesn't read the Randoms" - Not Brad
PAST
ENTRY >> MCCRANK GOT SECOND PLACE IN TAMPA! MCCRANK DIDN'T HOOK UP WITH ANY WHORES IN TAMPA! There's plenty of clean cut, wholesome, ripping, shredding McCrankerism in the Antisocial Video! >> Was Yeah Right! your favorite video of 2003? Vote for it at Active right now! >> Our very own boss, Megan Baltimore, has a book coming out soon! It's roughly a hundred pages long and is called THE BEST OF WOMEN AT WORK: A Book Of Cartoons Starring Megan Baltimore! Click the cover below for a sample of some of the pages and look for the release from Cartoonlink Press at Barnes and Noble in late April of 2004. The publisher has been talking about a public reading but Meg hasn't decided if she's going to do it or not yet:
>> I think Mueller and Bird are working on another one of those Lakai magazine/catalogs right now. Those things take a lot of work. For real. Those guys are insane. >> Aren't you glad we don't have a message board anymore? I think about that almost every single day. If we had a message board now I bet there'd be all sorts of whiners saying we're lame because Hot Chocolate doesn't come on VHS. They'd also talk shit about Rick's Antisocial video not coming out on VHS and then they'd probably start a thread about bringing back VHS and to hell with new technology! Then we'd have to go in and waste our time to say to them "Listen up, retards! They both come on VHS and DVD so shut the hell up" and then a few hundred more posts would be made, somebody would be upset that we called them retards, somebody would be upset that we even used the word "retard" in the first place and somebody would say that we just lost a fan and the entire thing would turn into a tornado vortex rip in the space-time continuum that would suck up the entire 22000 block of South Vermont Avenue in Torrance, California and that would be the end of Girl Skateboards as you know it. Thank your lucky stars that we don't have a message board. >> Hot Chocolate and the Antisocial video are both available on VHS and DVD. >> Do you know what a luddite is? >> Have you ever noticed how in some movies there'll be a dude using an old, manual winding camera? The dude will take a picture and instead of it just making a CLICK noise like it should make it makes that CLICK-WHZZ!! noise that a fancy auto advancing camera would. Then after it makes the auto advancing noise he winds it manually and takes another photo and it goes CLICK-WHZZ! I've always wondered who the people are who let that kind of shit slip by. >> Speaking of movies, did you ever see How To Get Ahead In Advertising? Remember the part where Richard E Grant goes into surgery to get the evil, trash talking boil on his neck removed but instead of removing the boil they remove his actual head and the boil takes over and everybody thinks he's turned into an asshole? Nate just hasn't been the same since he came out of surgery for his spinal meningitis.
PAST
ENTRY >> Smyth
is putting up Mossimo stickers on the street course right now at that
one contest in Florida where they tell you the best place to pick up
whores on the press releases that they send out to all of the companies
before the contest. Also in Tampa are Eric Koston and Rick
McCrank who arrived there after a wicked Southern USA es tour and
who we just got a live update from the street course from. Here's what
Frosty had to say: >> Convicted litterer and Girl Skateboard Company president Rickk Howard will be signing autographs next week on the side of a yet to be announced southern California freeway. He'll be out there for 8 full hours in an orange CalTrans jumper with a pocketful of pistachios and as soon as we find out what freeway he'll be appearing on we'll let you know so you can go and visit him. What Rickk
is basically doing is sending a message to other company owners out
there about our new marketing strategy: >> Do you own a dog and would like to treat him to the dog house of his dreams? You're gonna be really stoked soon. >> Is everybody covering the Inspector Gadget theme song now? Did we miss something? There was a punk rock/ska version of it playing in the warehouse today and it was actually really, really sad. And not like a sarcastic, "OH, that song is so bad it's sad!" but like a "Holy crap I need to get out of the warehouse right away before I break down in tears in front of all of these tough dudes who can lift 200 pound boxes with one arm" sad. >> Did you know that Royal makes glow in the dark trucks? Yep, they're in the warehouse where they play the sad music right now . >> Holy fuck, have you ever been in a fuckin' meeting with Greg Fuckin' Carroll? That dude fuckin' swears a lot. >> WHEN IT RAINS, IT QUOTES: "If they make put skate stoppers on spots, I guess I'll just go to jail instead" - Rickk on his community service "Is it the Russian broad? She sucks" - Rickk, always on the forefront of women's lib "Did I win yet?" - Frosty "I hate Crail Tap" - our other customer service rep "Fuck" - Greg Carroll
PAST
ENTRY >> Due to the overwhelming response to Clive's "Flying Out Of LA" short film, we've dug up a clip from the cutting room floor. Bonus footage, as it were. Enjoy a lost scene from "Flying Out Of LA" entitled "Almost At The Coastline". >> We'd like to propose a new nickname for Manuel Noriega. One that's a little bit nicer than Pineapple Face. Here are a few that we came up with: Pizza Face Wait... those were Clive's nicknames in high school. Never mind. >> We heard a new techno/swing version of the Inspector Gadget theme song on the radio this morning. Pretty rad.
>> Did you know that somebody wrote FRISCO NIGGAZ AIN'T NO PUNKS in black felt pen on the picnic table here? Check it out during the next open house. >> THE QUOTE RACK: "Three days is a long time" - Mikey about to melt down "The sun is out, no one's going anywhere" - Ty with a shirt on "Probably crusted up sock residue" - Rickk, when asked what was on his foot "I guess it's cool, whatever" - Jenkins to Bob K and Megan when they unveiled the new Crail Dog House "I hate Crail Tap" - our customer service rep CORRECTION FROM YESTERDAY: "What up fatass?" - Chico Brenes to Nick Tershay (not Rudy Johnson)
PAST
ENTRY
>> Click the image above for a small sampling of what's in the newest Lakai zine/catalog available now in the Crailshop. It contains 25 pages of product as well as 22 pages of photos and interviews and articles and other stuff. Kinda like a real skate mag minus all of those annoying double page ads for shoes. Hundreds of hours of work by Mueller and Bird were put into this thing. Seriously. Good stuff. >> Rickk's
back from Spain and here's the full report: >> In other Lakai news, there's a box full of samples sitting here that are looking pretty damn good. Unfortunately, no amount of clever skate poems will win you them. >> Did you know that former Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega's nickname was "Pineapple Face"? That's kinda not really a nice nickname. The Randomer recently got cable so if you start seeing more of these little fun facts popping up you can assume that they came from either the Discovery Channel or rad made for TV movies starring Bob Hoskins. >> Smyth's crime spree came to an abrupt halt this morning when he got pulled over wearing Mossimo in the carpool lane by himself. >> A WINTER QUOTE OR JACKET: "What up, fatass?" - Chico Brenes to Rudy Johnson
PAST
ENTRY >> Did you send in your best poker face photo, phone number and wager maximum for our celebrity poker match at the Girl Mansion yet? Read the interview with Robbie Mckinley in the newest slimmed down issue of TWS and then send your entry to: Girl Mansion
Poker Showdown One tip that we'd like to offer to all of the prospective gamblers out there: please don't send us stalker photos of you posing with Rob Abeyta at the Girl open house in place of you making a poker face because those scare us:
>> Apparently
there was some confusion yesterday about Smyth and the Mossimo
gear that he walked out of Target with. We were trying to imply that
he had stolen the stuff, because he had. So just pretend that this is
what we wrote yesterday: >> Have you ever, while in the middle of preparing dinner, grabbed a sharp knife that was in a pile of clean dishes on your counter top with two fingers, one on either side of the blade? Like not the way you would grab it if you were planning on throwing it but the way in which you could potentially cut your finger really bad if the knife got stuck, say, between a plate and the counter top and you kept pulling on it? We know that's not the best way to grab a knife but the person who helps to type this column grabbed a knife like that last night and cut his finger AGAIN so we wanted you to know that you shouldn't ever grab knives like that. We're working on a new motto right now that goes something like "We learn life lessons the hard way so that you don't have to". >> Here's the update on Eric Anthony's First Annual Totally Sweet Skate-BQ that went down at Bellflower this weekend: Eric said "It was rad".
PAST
ENTRY
>> Holy crap. Unless Skateboarder Magazine is full of it, lil' Lance Mountain Jr just got married. You heard it here second. >> It's Nate's birthday today so in celebration he's decided to let you in on some skate gossip about one of those skate shoe companies who aren't doing so well. In fact, going out of business. Today. He wanted us to give you the number of the CEO so you could prank call him for laying off his friend who worked there but we figured the law suit might not be worth it for us. Just a little. So anyway, in summary: one shoe company out of business, read the magazines next month to find out which one it is and in the meantime prank call Nate at (443) 480-2092. >> Staba wrote in yesterday to tell us that the Randoms were really good on Friday. Before, we were thinking about hiring somebody new in his place simply because he wasn't doing his job but now we're thinking of firing him just because we think his judgement might be way off. Send in your resumes if you want to make 85 large a year making one phone call or e-mail a day to tell us how good or bad the Randoms were. >> A new Target opened up by Sam's house this weekend so Sam went into the new Target on opening day, tried on some new Mossimo gear and then left the store wearing it. You heard it here first. Smyth: not sponsored by Mossimo but rocking the Mossimo hard. >> I didn't think of anything funny to tell you in the car this morning but last night I watched an entire Dolph Lundrgen action movie from start to finish.
PAST
ENTRY ANTISOCIAL
LAUNCHED A LIL' WEB SITE FOR YOU TODAY:
If you're gonna get the Antisocial video you can get it from them or from us. >> Our very own Eric Anthony is holding a Skate-B-Q this Sunday afternoon at 1PM at the Bellflower skatepark near Long Beach, California. He's calling it "Eric Anthony's First Annual Totally Sweet Skateboard Luncheon at Bellflower" and he wants you to go so if you're in the area and want to eat barbecued food, skate and watch Eric switch backside flip the infamous fence gap then you'll show up with a lawn chair, an appetite, your own food (they're providing the 'cues) and an extra board just in case Eric breaks his. Oh yeah, he also wanted us to let you know that all of those Long Beach pro dudes will probably be there and that the park is just north of the 91 freeway off of Bellflower and Flower at Caruther's Park. >> Still no word from Nate but again we're assuming that he's okay because with Vicodin, antibiotics and HBO, what could possibly go wrong? We've got a stack of 6 of his movie reviews on deck that we'll be posting next week maybe.
>> A QUOTE TO FLOAT: "Tell those guys I'm so fucking over them" - The Old Bird, returning to squash any memories of The New Bird "I haven't slep a wink all week" - Megan on coming up with another new title for the quotes of the day >> We don't need Brad to tell us that the Randoms sucked today.
PAST
ENTRY >> We told you we'd be getting the Antisocial video soon. We never ever lie here in the Randoms but some of the other columns are filled with lies. LIES! >> Here's an interview with Scott Johnston over on the Thrasher site. >> Evan Dando of the Lemonheads turned 37 today. You're stoked. >> We didn't get an update last night on how Nate's doing but he has plenty of Vicodin and antibiotics and cable television with movie channels so we're assuming he's okay. >> We went through the CrailCam's memory card today and deleted a bunch of photos and video clips that we were pretty sure you wouldn't care to see. Just Mikey doing the apple trick and an old sequence of one of those elusive pros that you always mail us about doing a switch flip switch b/s nosegrind fakie heel out in the middle of a ledge. Nothing too special, just some throwaways. This video clip is a whole other story though. It's an action packed short film called "Flying Out Of LA" that Clive made on his last trip up to Cool SF. We're sure the response will be overwhelming so we've already signed Clive to a 3 trip deal: he'll be bringing back similar clips from the next 3 places that he travels to (Flying Out Of LA parts II, III and IV). >> This morning in the car I thought of something really, really funny but right as I was about to laugh my ass off about it I got cut off super bad and had to swerve into the other lane. Then I had to catch up to the fucker who cut me off so I could roll down my window and finger the dude. Then after I fingered the dude I tripped out for a few minutes about how lucky I was that there wasn't anybody in the lane next to me that I swerved into. I pictured my car swerving, hitting a car in the next lane and then flipping over and rolling multiple times before skidding down the freeway on it's roof and then coming to a stop... and then getting creamed by another car who couldn't stop fast enough. Man. By the time all of that was over with I had totally forgotten what was funny. Lucky for me, unlucky for you. Sorry. >> TOTEABLE QUOTABLE: "I'm like Malcolm X" - Jenkins
PAST
ENTRY >> Nate made it out of surgery yesterday pretty much in one piece. Not sure what kind of hospital he got operated on at but we do know that it's the kind that sends it's patients home on the same day that they get their skulls sawed open. Okay. In related news, Clive went to his doctor yesterday for a check up and while in the waiting room he flipped through the last two issues of Cigar Aficionado that the office had so generously provided for it's patients. Then his doctor told him about an article he had just read in the LA Times about nicotine being a safe and useful drug. Okay. And the last of
today's hospital news... Cards
for Cards
>> We finally got an expensive new color printer here at Crail Tap HQ! It cost a few thousand more than the last multi-thousand dollar piece of high tech machinery that we had and we're still working on a name for it but it's nickname as of right now is USELESS PIECE OF SHIT. We kinda miss the old printer, UNRELIABLE PIECE OF JUNK. >> Dammit, again I thought of something good to tell you in the car this morning and forgot what it was. This one was really funny, too. Crap. >> TOTEABLE QUOTABLE: "I need all the brains I can keep" - Nate
PAST
ENTRY >> Chris Roberts and Robbie Mckinley have been hosting rounds of high stakes poker at the Girl Mansion every night for the past couple of weeks. There seems to be some sort of correlation between the return of their skate box and the poker matches getting sparked but we haven't yet figured out what it is. If you live in the Los Angeles/Brentwood area and would like to get in on some illegal gambling with a couple of Girl/Choc ams then send us a letter in the mail with your phone number, a photo of you giving your best poker face and the amount of money you're comfortable with losing. Send to: Girl Mansion
Poker Showdown >> Nate is in surgery right now. If you could think good thoughts for Nate that would be almost as rad as making a bust of Jeron Wilson's face in art class and sending it to us. >> I was thinking about something really funny to tell you in my car this morning but I forgot what it was. This wasn't it: ACHIEVEMENTS
IN ADVERTISING 2004: >> TOTEABLE QUOTABLE: "I have so many ideas that I can't even sleep at night" - Megan on coming up with the new title for the quotes of the day
PAST
ENTRY >>
RAD NEWS: First place and one signed Chico Brenes Chocolate skateboard deck goes to Justyn Recania of Rocklin for sending in Chico's first ever (rad) Chocolate Skateboard Company wheel from back in the 90's:
Second place and a signed Jeron Wilson Girl skateboard deck goes to Theodore Skork of Maryland. Theodore sent in a (rad) photo of Jeron as well as a (rad) hand sculpted bust of an aging Los Angeles gangbanger:
Third place (and Megan's favorite entry) goes to Tomo Nishizawa of Japan who sent in a (rad) mini Afro Ken doll with a (rad) removeable wig. Tomo wins a t-shirt, a patch and some stickers:
>> Nate Sherwood is finally going into surgery tomorrow for his spinal meningitis/skull thing. Think good thoughts for Nate because this is serious business. He's not getting stitches or a cast or some candyass crap like that, he's getting his fucking skull chopped open and then sealed up again. Have you ever had your skull chopped open and then sealed up again? Didn't think so. Would you ever want to have your skull chopped open and then sealed up again? Didn't think so. So are you gonna think good thoughts for Nate? Thought so. Best of luck to you, Nate. Everybody here is pulling for a speedy recovery. >> The Royal web site has been updated once again with new team stuff and a bunch of other stuff. Have a look. >> The Antisocial video will be available soon in the Crailshop. >> TOTEABLE QUOTABLE: "Don't forget who's President over there" - Rickk
THE
RANDOMS ARCHIVE: |
