Spheniscus Mendiculus





CURRENT ENTRY
1/06/06

What Did The Gav Have? Yesterday was our first lunch with The Gav since coming back from his honeymoon. He had a Wahoo's burrito dry, not wet. Must be part of a New Year's resolution. But more importantly he was really really tan. Bronze looking. He's also sustained a reef wound on his foot.

In further Gav news, we may be retiring his retired Matix jersey and making one lucky Gav fan out there very happy. More details later.

A lot of the Lakai dudes are traveling abroad to switch crooks their little hearts out. Some dudes are going to Australia and some dudes are going to Spain.

Talked to Scott Johnston yesterday and he made that slurping noise that I was talking about a couple of weeks ago. I asked him if he saw what I wrote about it and of course he hadn't. Then I told him to go read it, even gave him the date it was posted, and then he asked me if I could read it to him. Pretty sweet friend, huh?
How come no one made a big deal about Sanger's Post #420. He totally ignored the significance and potential of such a milestone entry. Not one mention of the Himalayan Death Lettuce. Stoned Tappers let's hear your thoughts.

We have a new installment in the office. Some people have plaques, some people have vintage boards, others have successories. Well, we have this. A Galapagos Penguin. We have Mikey's SOTY trophy too.

Still no Chin Special Edition DVDs.

QUOTES:
"Rudy is my favorite dude."—Staba

"Well if it hasn't made the Skateboarding Hall of Fame yet then get rid of it."—The Gav on his retired jersey

"I need a string section"—The Mez

"I might even throw some buckets for you."—Mihaly

 

CURRENT ENTRY
1/05/06

We have a winner!!! But before we tell you who this is we'd like to tell you who it wasn't. Reda, Gino, and Rickk were all popular guesses and someone even thought it was Fat Bill. Eddie Chute titled his email "NAMBLA Paradise" and had this to say, "That little 'tard on the couch looks like Froston doing an audition for Kids Incorporated." But Eddie you're wrong too. The unidentified little shit is none other than world famous rode rep and cycle enthusiast, The Hime. Sean McConkey was the first of three to make a positive identification. And take a wild guess where Sean's from. Yep, Vancouver B.C. Sean your prize is an all black Fourstar outfit in honor of The Hime's strict all black dress code.

Sweet 'Stang Update! This dude Rob's got one, or had one. Here's his story, "Was reading your column and you mention Mustangs. Mine just died last week. Apparently all you have to do is go slightly airborne and hit a pole just right."

Scuba's buddy, Ruben, got a Street Pirate way below the job line.

Rudy is claiming no more soda, ever!

Chris Roberts Top 5 coming soon. Right Chris?

Oh, and I don't have feathered hair.

Girl Skateboards' Art Dump member, Lardog, is the featured interviewee over at Slap Magazine's online home page.

QUOTE:
"I was at Guitar Center yesterday and went into one of those little rooms and played guitar for like an hour.?"—Rudy

 

 

CURRENT ENTRY
1/04/06

New Contest! a.k.a. We're Sending Something to Canada Next Week. We might stump the Booey with this one. It's pretty simple. Identify who this prepubescent boy in the pink turtleneck grew up to be:

There will be a juicy prize for the winner. Enter here.

We'll also be giving away the Laker bobble heads and the Tech Deck Christmas ornaments soon, to someone Canadian of course.

Today the guy who sits two cubes down from me, Brian Mettee, was boosting about being the only here who turns the heater on each morning. So add keeping the entire staff warm to Mr. Mettee's already impressive CV.

He Got It! Ako drives a Pony. That's our parking garage where we live, so with Ako's purchase that makes three 'stangs in our building. This older guy drives a dark blue 2002 convertible. Pretty sweet.

As promised here's the first installment, and judging by how enthused they were it will probably be the last, of Getting to Know the Art Guys. That's the new guy Michael Coleman on the left. He's been signing his emails "MC" and since he's the new guy he probably doesn't realize that there's already an MC at the company or that that MC is a VP. But since that MC has probably never even so much as said hi to this MC why would he know any better. Other than that he's from Chicago and being from Chicago has afford him the luxury of knowing an unsettling amount about the history of Billy Corgan's skin disease, Vitiligo. He even shot photos of him recently. So that's Michael Coleman.

The other two are the Desert Twins, who you actually know a bit about from The Ringer, but now a name to the face. Jeremy Carnahan and Eric Anthony have known each other since the sixth grade, where they were the tallest guys in their class, but by the time they were rapping up their scholastic careers they were among the shortest seniors at Yukka Valley High. In addition to sharing a similar stature they enrolled in the same classes and had the same teachers and now work approximately eight feet from each other. So those are the Art Guys, the three dudes who share an office next to Smyth.

Of course his last name is Larson. Any relation?

QUOTE:
"What's there to say that hasn't been said already?"—Spike

 

 

CURRENT ENTRY
1/03/06

Yesterday I forgot to tell you what was left in my office during my absence, something of a tradition around these parts. No less than ten Tech Deck ornaments were stuffed into a drawer, six-inch Shaq and Kobe bobble heads, well maybe the Shaq one's a little taller, naturally, and a Sharp Twin Power Calculator. I think I'll give them away in a contest. I just wanna make sure no one bums out about me giving away the bobble heads. You know how people are about the Lakers around here.

Matt Pancer sent this photo of Kenny at the Smolik ledges. That's in Poway of course. And that's 1997.

What, W's got no love for MJ?

This is awesome. From the Anti Hero site. Actually that's all that's on the site, which makes it even more awesome.

Tomorrow we'll bring you Getting to Know the Art Guys. They're these three dudes who share an office next to Smyth. That's all we know about them.

QUOTE:
"They know better than to ask me to do that page."—Kelly Bird

 

 

CURRENT ENTRY
1/02/06

I missed the Gregulator's going away party last week, but I can safely report that he neither headbutted someone or himself, nor was he headbutted by someone else. So no headbutts at all. Truly an end of an era.

Put it this way, Scott named his dog after him. He was one of the greats.

Alex Klein is staying with me right now and so far he's only broken our shower and now we don't have any cable. Oh, and he also changed the seat setting I had set in the Mustang. That's right the Mustang. Anytime Alex. Last time he stayed I accidentally locked him and his little brother in my house. So I guess he just paying me back.

Speaking of Ponies, Ako told me, with a straight face, that he's getting one of the new Mustangs. A white one! And he started smoking again. So he's going through some shit right now. He's still looking hip-hop too. He had a puffy jacket on yesterday.

Congratulations to the spookiest lens man in the biz, Brian Gaberman, and his lovely wife Noel who had a baby boy last week.

To Russ, the guy who sent us the Froston Flakes image, send us an email. We need to talk to you.

And to anyone at Powell, we'd be eternally in your debt if you sent about six copies of the Animal Chin special edition DVD to us here at Girl.

Mike Carroll's accessory for this year's New Year's Eve party was colored streamers wrapped around his neck reaching all the way to the floor.

QUOTE:
"C'mon pussies!"—Rickk to the other drivers of 4x4s who wouldn't drive down a flooded street

"I've never been one to get real drunk and feel guilty about it the next day."—Smyth

 

 

CURRENT ENTRY
12/30/05

Lardog here. Today is the end of the Greg Carroll era here at Girl, so Staci G. made a little memento. Good luck, G-Nice.

Meza is still surfing in Cabo.This is the last Random's post for the year of our Lord, (David Lee Roth), 2005. Here's to a festive and prosperous Oh, Six!

On that note: Remember these charms? I do...I had one in high school and I'd pull sooo much tail with it. I want another one, to continue the pulling of tail. Please send me one and you'll be inducted into the Crailtap Hall of Fame. When we finally open it.

Having trouble sleeping?..Try this. Works for me, nightly.

Otis, the famous skating bulldog, loves good times.

The new Mental tees are insane and kill all of the other cute, trendy, designy crap out there. Lighten up, kooks.

Rodzilla does it clean.

That's it. Later!

 

 

CURRENT ENTRY
12/29/05

The editorial staff here at Crailtap would like to apologize for the lack of posts this week. Everyone got sick on Xmas/Hannukah/Kwaanza, so we had to teach the acounting department how to use web software. Meza will be back sometime in the New Year. In the meantime:

Stay tuned to the front page. This week (and next week) Brad Staba is the guest poster.

You've seen this, but this is the flow.

FDR.

This is where a video clip would go, but I have to go do payroll. Maybe tomorrow.

 

CURRENT ENTRY
12/23/05

We bring you once again, The Year in Photos. It's been fun.

I think I used to like it better when skaters didn't get any girls.

Despite being sent this box of books and receiving a myriad of suggestions, Alex went and bought Rumble Fish all on his own. And he actually enjoyed it. Thanks to your pressure you've made him a bit more literary. Be proud of yourselves.


QUOTE:
“You guys got come up to my place, we'll get a little Mexican train going.” —Michael Coleman

“You can't hide keys in spandex.” —Meg





CURRENT ENTRY
12/22/05

Young Lucas Puig is the latest ruler to be put on the Fourstar team. Congrats Lucas.

You've heard of Lakai Limited Footwear? Well, in very much the same vein we present to you the Limited Photo Gallery from the Lakai film trip we recently went on.

Since he left the trip early and since updates were scant we weren't able to continue with our Getting to Know Lenoce. But we did have one more to go before his early departure. Getting to Know Lenoce #3. In his early teens Jeff was in a Thompson's Weather Seal TV advert where he discovered that the family deck was flakey and dry from not being properly sealed. After his on screen dad applied the correct amount of Thompson's Weather Seal the commercial came to a celebratory climax with young Jeff doing a hippy jump over him in slow-motion.

As you may or may not know Scott Johnston has been living on the East Coast for the last six months. So we haven't him as much as we used to. But we all did a lot of catching up on the Lakai trip. So two knew things with Scott. One he likes to use the phrase "after market" a lot and almost about anything, like even a variation on a sandwich order would be deemed an "after market sandwich." I think it's kind of hip-hop. And two, he makes a kind of an irritated slurping sound after he says something or is frustrated with something. Kind of like the sound people make when they are sucking on their gold fronts. Like I said he's been living in New York for the last six months.

Feeling our pain, Nate Fierro provided us with further photo documentation of Stevie's surprise party.

I had dinner with Ako and Atiba last night. If you're still looking for clues to tell them apart in the event that you should run into them, (I know it's been hell since Atiba shaved his fro) Ako is now the much more hip-hop looking one.





CURRENT ENTRY
12/21/05

A great many people have questioned our fascination with goats. Well, McCrank's friend has cracked this fudger wide open. He's been holding on to this bit of evidence for over 10 years and has only now seen it fit for it to be leaked into the mainstream. Are you ready for this? Photo evidence of a young Rickk raised by Goats...



Boom, case closed.

Remember when Guy skated the "SK8 TV" mini spine and said (in a very congested voice) that his favorite class was "Ah, woods and metals"? Well he can still rip a mini dueling-U, but your guess is as good as mine on his current enthusiasm for shop classes. 

Meg made Brian Mettee walk all the way to Brooklyn to pick up some Junior's Cheesecake. If Piddy Diddy can get away with it, then so can we. If you didn't watch "Making the Band" this last paragraph made no sense. I'll admit we occasionally run some inside jokes here from time to time, so we're not afraid of an obscure reference either.

The Creative Director of Skateboarder can add Baby Daddy to his already lengthy title. Congratulations to Jaime Owens and his wife Karina.


QUOTE:
“A Monday night for me in Sacto is a Friday night for you guys.” —Biebel





CURRENT ENTRY
12/20/05

Last night was the company Christmas party. Today is the company Christmas party gallery.

Over the weekend there was a surprise party for Stevie. But we only got one photo. Happy Birthday Sabu.

Chico gets secondhand Irie from Aldemo, and Claravall is just happy to have some hair.

A lot of people felt left in the lurch to provide you with any on What Did The Gav Have? over the last couple of weeks. This guy Joshua sent us this email expressing his dismay, “Many of us are frustrated by the lack of updates on what Gav has been having for lunch the last few days. Please do a better job going forward.” Well Josh, when we don’t have any What Did The Gav Have? updates you can assume one of the following; a) The Gav double booked, b) we went on a trip without The Gav, or c) The Gav triple booked. Josh also had the title of CEO under his name on his email.


QUOTE:
“Dude you need to buy a Jacuzzi!” —Biebel

“We were talking about deep stuff; life, skateboarding, and physics.” —Rudy

“How many times a week do you change your underwear?” —Nick Diamond





CURRENT ENTRY
12/19/05

I'm back — kind of. I'll tell you more tomorrow.

For now enjoy Time Magazine's Person of the Year.





CURRENT ENTRY
12/16/05

Today I asked Tony out to lunch. We ate at the Fish Grill. It was really nice. We talked. We realized we have the same size head, even though he's taller. I'm glad we got the chance to do that, because Rick and Aaron should be back on Monday. I'll go back to eating with them, and Tony will go back to eating teriyaki bowls, while watching Sports Center, all alone.

Does the amount you plan to tip your carwasher go up in dollar increments, as you watch how hard he works? We're not alone. Tony too.

I'm getting my shit together and cleaning up my act for 2006. My first calendar without tits on it.

A quality gag for the holidays


QUOTE:
“Vomit's my favorite.” —Sherm





CURRENT ENTRY
12/15/05

Smyth, filling in for Mez in Mexico:

Gotchya! I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. Congratulations, many of you were sharp enough to see that I purposefully called Alton, "Landon" when I captioned my front page photo. As if I could make a mistake like that. Bringing up a couple of old cast members was just my way getting you psyched for the Gauntlet 2. For the concerned Tappers the wrote in correcting my faux typo, I'm dedicating the next Real World season to you. Get your jam shorts and beer funnels ready, cause we're headed to Key West,
Florida.

Ringer, sorry I didn't come say hello after my vacation, but I had to get right back to business. I saw this amazing lasso wielding cowboy at the Marc Jacobs party, and he sparked an idea. I figure with an awesome act like that, he must be just raking in the dough. I should be spreading my managerial skills to more than just skateboard talent. If anyone out there has an unusual skill, and you need managing, please send in a quicktime displaying your talent. I might be willing to take 10% of your pay!





CURRENT ENTRY
12/13/05

We're rapidly approaching Kelly Bird's stomping grounds Houston, Texas. Exciting.

Getting To Know Lenoce #2. Jeff, an aspiring vert skater, grew up skating McGill's skatepark in Tampa, learning blunt fakies before he could even kickflip on flat. It wasn't until McGill's closed that young Jeff became interested in street skating.

I wonder what the Gav is having?


QUOTE:
“I'm thirty, I need the fisheye. It's like makeup for an old actress.” —Carroll





CURRENT ENTRY
12/9/05

We're currently in Bird's home state and Carroll's flying in tonight so now, along with Scott and myself, Alex Olson will have three surrogate dads on this trip. You'd think Rickk would be a dad too but he's more like a fun uncle. Maybe kind of dangerous too. Speaking of Alex...

MINI TOP 5
Marc Johnson's Top 5 Sweet Questions That Alex Olson Has Asked Him on this Trip
1. "How long have you known Jerry Hsu?"
2. "Isn't Arnold Schwarzenegger trying to change the Constitution so he can run for president?"
3. "How was living in San Jose?"
4. "How do you get rid of acne?"
5. "Is Nancy Sinatra Frank Sinatra's daughter?"

On this trip we've been getting to know Jeff Lenoce. He's a sweet kid, in the way that Richard Mulder is a sweet kid. We think you should get to know him too. So without further ado we bring you the Jeff Lenoce fun fact of the day: When he was in the fifth grade Jeff was the Pull Up Champion of Sandy Lane Elementary in Clearwater, Florida. He did 25 pull ups.


QUOTE:
“I like drinking out of a coffee mug. It makes me feel like an old man!” —Biebel

“I only shower when I hangout with bitches.” —Biebel again





CURRENT ENTRY
12/8/05

Sorry for the lack of posts. We'll make it up to you by releasing the Lakai video next year. Cool? Cool.

Guy had a blast on his first visit to Cracker Barrell even though he couldn't fade the peg game.

MINI TOP 5
Biebel's Top 5 Restaraunts We're Not Eating At:
1. Hometown Buffet
2. Red Lobster
3. Taco Bell
4. My BBQ at home
5. P. F. Chang's


QUOTE:
“I love a tattoo on a tittie.” —Biebel at full volume at Cracker Barrell

“Ah, have a nice sit down poo after this.” —Rickk at Cracker Barrell





CURRENT ENTRY
12/6/05

Here's a photo for the column.


QUOTE:
“Why would your dad ground you for not rolling in?” —Rob Welsh to Alex Olson





CURRENT ENTRY
12/2/05

Falcon is back. Now I know it's already been announced that Cole is this year's SOTY, but I just wanted to bring this to the judges' attention in case it wasn't yet set in stone. The no looking section is amazing.

Crankers, it's cool that you're in the background of this S.T.R.E.E.T.S. video and all, but it's not like being in the background of a Puff Daddy video now is it?

Andrew Shusterman has recommended that Alex read "Cocaine: An Unauthorized Biography" He calls it a "Great book about crack cocaine" with an entire chapter and a half about the evolution of crack in LA featuring an interview with Freeway Ricky.

We'll be posting from the road again starting Monday. Sketchy it shall be.


QUOTE:
“I am not going to buy you a shotgun for Xmas.” —Jamie





CURRENT ENTRY
11/30/05
12/1/05

Keepin it Real, the season finale. I never even saw an episode, but Sam, it's been a good season

In other Smyth news, Sam has found his chip. He's been playing around with a grab bag size for the last couple of weeks, but today he showed up with this industrial size of Sweet Maui Onion. You don't understand he won't deviate from this flavor for years to come. He's conflicted though because he doesn't carry them in his own snack machine. Where's your moral compass Sam?

As Phelper would say, "Shit's gettin' spooky."

One of the Taps favorite bands has released another EP. Mikey P where have you been?

I'm going to a Jackass party tonight. Jaime Owens is sneaking me in on his plus one. Thanks Demeech!


QUOTE:
“I got a call from Krooked. We have until Christmas.” —Rudy




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