Good Column, Bad Column
CURRENT (?) ENTRY
11/30/05
12/1/05
Keepin it Real, the season finale. I never even saw an episode, but Sam, it's been a good season
In other Smyth news, Sam has found his chip. He's been playing around with a grab bag size for the last couple of weeks, but today he showed up with this industrial size of Sweet Maui Onion. You don't understand he won't deviate from this flavor for years to come. He's conflicted though because he doesn't carry them in his own snack machine. Where's your moral compass Sam?
As Phelper would say, "Shit's gettin' spooky."
One of the Taps favorite bands has released another EP. Mikey P where have you been?
I'm going to a Jackass party tonight. Jaime Owens is sneaking me in on his plus one. Thanks Demeech!
QUOTE:
“I got a call from Krooked. We have until Christmas.” —Rudy
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11/29/05
Clip of the Dae! Judo kick to bug splat. Thanks for a ripping week Mr. Song.
Just to prove that Canadians really do win here at the Tap, Larson sent Great White Northerner, Derek Wilkening, one of his wooden OGs for guessing that Larson was the Guest Editor a few weeks back (even though I freely gave that information away before Larson took over). So even when we give away the answers Canadians still win.
Despite sitting at a different table and with his back towards us, our around the clock journalists were still able to bring you a new installment of What Did the Gav Have? Two fish tacos, "unbattered" he declared, with a side of grilled zucchini. Not bad Gav.
As the season comes to a close it's time to really cherish these last couple of Keepin' It Reals, Episode 23.
Alex Olson sent us this article about a crack squirrel. So I guess he can read. It's important to note that a lot of links that Alex sends us cover the topic of crack cocaine. Just an idea if you're still thinking of a title to suggests to this budding bookworm.
And you thought our shit was trivial! It is pretty funny though.
QUOTE:
“We are all kooks to somebody, somewhere.” —Wei-En Chang
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11/28/05
Clip of the Dae! A park clip for Daewon could be an ender for most. Fakie flip two-wheel motion to fakie flip.
"Make him read the part in the Indy book about his dad" was someone's suggestion for young Alex Olson. I think we've narrowed down his book selection. Now if we could just get a hold of him so we can buy it for him. C'mon Alex, don't be an absentee son.
Two Persian rugs mysteriously showed up in our office last week. If something of marginal value pops up around here whether it be some blank boards, a fish tank, or some Persian rugs, you could bet that it's Rickk cleaning house.
This guy gives the Gonz a run for his money when it comes to mic-ed skating.
Gino, Buscemi, Keenan, Liversedge, Huf, Ray Mate, and puberty.
Oh and one more thing. I can guess, with almost 100% accuracy, when The Ringer is going to mention me by just reading the opening sentence of a paragraph. It's true.
QUOTE:
“It was normal Bird, he's always dressed spiffy.” —Rickk on having Bird over for Thanksgiving
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11/23/05
Clip of the Dae! This thing is hard to blunt fakie on let alone do this. Some miscalculations were made concerning the Daewon clips. We forgot to take into consideration that because of Thanksgiving we're on a short week. So we'll play the remaining two clips on Monday and Tuesday. We're gonna have someone in administrations ass over this!
Another popular book recommendation for Alex Olson has been "Catcher in the Rye." Charles Walter offers this explanation: "A Classic American story about an awkward teen trying to relate to his classmates and family. The story is set in New York (Alex lived there for a while?), he has a brother in Hollywood (His dad Steve?), he goes to see a former teacher and is forced to leave because he thinks the teacher is making advances towards him (Rick?). Holden's sister Phoebe is really a metaphor for a skateboard? It just works on so many levels."
Alex also kind of mad at me for this whole thing. Oops.
There's footage of Max skating vert padless on the Thrasher site and what looks like Jake Phelps on guitar. It's under the Boardertown post. Max is in the orange hoodie, you know like the one Brian always wears. Just kidding Max, we know you ran it first. Biters dog.
Now that Bitch is out of the way, we have some new direct competition.
Keepin' It Real, Episode 22.
Chico is here today!
QUOTE:
“Well, your up in the morning humping a 400 lb Ho.” —Michael Coleman
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11/22/05
Clip of the Dae! It only took a couple of tries. It must be nice.
We've been getting a lot of book suggestions for Alex Olson. The most popular being "Green Eggs and Ham" and "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish." C'mon guys I think he can read a little bit. He's on the Internet quite a lot. I know he reads this column every day. In close second were Bukowski's "Women" and "Behold a Pale Horse" not "Behold a White Horse" like I called it. That's what I get for not being a stoner. And a guy named Mathew who teaches middle school sent in a book suggestion with follow up quizzes and tests that he gives to his students. Which might be a bit much for Alex. We haven't decided yet so keep 'em coming.
On Atiba's site he's posting a photo of the day. I wonder if he'll start to run out like us? I really just wanted to plug his site because I'm trying to butter him up for this Koston sequence that we need for a Fourstar ad.
Our friends at Plus Skateshop just released their new DVD. It's got a Jaime Thomas part in there.
This kid Kevin Bosch has got 'em wired.
QUOTE:
“Sorry I fanned out over the phone.” —Gerwer
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11/21/05
Clip of the Dae! It's Daewon week here at The Tap. After a 10-minute sesh out back, we're stacked with enough Daewon clips for the week. We'll start if off with a fun one that would make even Holmes proud.
We've come to the conclusion that Alex Olson has never read a book. The standout factors bringing us to this assumption is his self-diagnosis of ADD and that this past weekend he wouldn't read a paragraph from a flyer posted at an elementary school out loud. So we're gonna make him read a book. But we need suggestions. It could be anything from "Are You There God, Its Me Margaret" to "Behold a White Horse." Send your recommendations to, "Alex, Read This You Lazy Pile" and we'll pick one and try to make him read it. Maybe even make him do a book report.
At lunch today Sam told a story of his dad being denied to ride the slides At Ragin' Waters because he was wearing cutoff denim shorts. Something about the threads getting caught in the drains. Pretty sick. Imagine Sam's pops, who was often mistaken for Willy Nelson, in a pair of Daisy Dukes with his young perp son who was most likely in a pair of cutoff TIs and a Kangol hat. I'm sure they were both slathered in the highest SPF over the counter sun block that money could buy. Keepin' It Real, Episode 21.
What Did The Gav Have? Today The Gav had Peruvian; chicken, with a side of rice and French fries. Gav, why not add a side of bread or some mash potatoes just to fill your entire starch quota for the week in one sitting?
Kelch is back on his board. Looking fit James!
QUOTE:
“I want a microphone for Christmas.” —The Gav
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11/18/05
Can't post today. Rudy and I are building a harsh kicker.
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11/17/05
Tonight is the night that Sal Barbier and I are supposed to go to The Stryper show at The House of Blues. And as inviting as that sounds I don't think I'm gonna make it. Don't get me wrong I liked Soldiers Under Command just as much as the next guy, but Sal's even worse than The Gav when it comes to pulling a no show. I think since we've been promoting the show so heavily their PR guy should send us a free Stryper Bible. Speaking of Metal Heads that time forgot. Look at this guy. Kickflip grab wearing Limpies and a Thunder shirt! People not on the coast would often get it wrong like that.
Ben Colen, if you want to buy a present for your make believe girlfriend (you know the one that lives in the Niagara Falls area?) we found the perfect item. The couple that Roll Plays together stays together.
Here's a new feature! It's called "What Did Gav Have?" Whenever we go out to eat with The Gav we'll tell you what he had. The Gav was mediocre about his chicken curry over white rice that he had at a Japanese restaurant which he washed down with a sweetened green iced tea, but that was all after he entered a Korean BBQ Buffet where he circled the buffet, ate a cookie, and left, much to the dismay of the hostess.
Chico came in today!
QUOTE:
“I'm not quite sure if I understand what your web site is all about.” —Bob K
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11/16/05
Ty made it a point to buy Beef Three the day it came out. I just can't believe they're on the third sequel without Ty being featured in one of the videos.
Sal Barbier called me today to see if I wanted to go see Stryper at the House of Blues. Kind of strange, but the last time he called me it was about skating Fred Durst's miniramp. So maybe not so strange.
Javier. Kutter. You guys are blowing it.
It's a slow week.
QUOTE:
“Imagine a bunch of metal fans that time forgot, but then imagine a bunch of Christian metal fans that time forgot.” —Sal Barbier
“I used to take the sponsor me videos and tape Yo! MTV Raps over them. I was biggest YO! MTV fan.” —Sal Barbier
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11/15/05
This could be our last Dog the Bounty Hunter item. Here's a little something to commemorate the Bounty Hunter in all of us.
Thank God for kids, video cameras, fireworks, and the parents being gone for the night. Carroll's claiming it got stuck because he clinched when the sparks from the wick started flying. He's good with that whole area down there.
Apparently the Real World is still on TV. I think more people read Smyth's column than watch the show. Episode 20.
Stay off the sidewalk, Alex Olson just got his driver's license.
QUOTE:
“I need to get my own thing on the Tap, way sicker than all this other shit.” —Rudy
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11/14/05
Staci G is claiming she saw Leland and Young Blood at a restaurant this weekend enjoying breakfast. Are they creeping on our turf? Will The Gav be mistaken for an iced-out Islander on the run? Will he get maced? We'll keep you posted.
Clip of the Day! Lamar is one cool kid. Front blunt fakie on the Hubs.
I used to think Alex Olson was one cool kid. Now I think he deserves this.
In the park today was Guy, MJ, Gino, and Carroll. Pretty heavy. Oh, and Ty. Way heavy.
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11/11/05
We have a winner! The Da Kine Crail Contest is over. And in hindsight I should have called it The Da Kine Costume Contest. Oh, well. That's just the brander in me. So, we let Smyth be the judge on this one. And when the bonds were bailed he came up with Colin Canning's entry for the best Dog the Bounty Hunter. Take a look again, bruddah. That Dog's a dame. As Colin put it, "I thought this girl pretty much ruled it at Dog." Colin your board and wig are in the mail.
In an effort to bring our bathroom, and our urinal in particular, up to Bird's standards we've been tidying up a bit around here.
Speaking of urine, Hime you may need some of this when you eventually make that jump to the corporate world.
Clip of the Day! Alex O on the ledge. And then he comes in with the variation with Ty in tow with a dump truck bump.
When not hosting sample sales young Carroll took it upon himself to document the recent Lakai filming trip. Here's his gallery.
Rudy's gonna try and film his Krooked Guest part this weekend, again. Maybe he'll actually show up this time.
Jason Lee is hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. Now if they could only get Milk to be the musical guest. Good luck Leester.
QUOTE:
“I don't do good with fantasy.” —Bird
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11/10/05
After fighting it for a few months, I'm kind of a caveman, I've updated my Quiktime just so I could post this video of Jereme Rogers winning the Best Trick contest at Make a Wish this past weekend. Thank Chris Campbell for the clips
Clip of the Day! Jeron attacks the Hubs with a nollie fivah!
Skateboard P better learn to go frontside before me makes that name change official. Sent by Monster Cam in Oz.
Tomorrow we'll be announcing the winner of the Da Kine Crail Contest.
Who saw Trading Spouses last night? Amazing!
QUOTE:
“We're artists, dude. That's another level.” —Rudy
“That thing smells better than I do.” —Jeremy C. on Mike Carroll's dog
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11/9/05
The Da Kine Crail Contest will be taking its final submissions for out Dogging the Dog. Your Dog Chapman has to be better than this Dog Chapman. Here's what's at stake. Send them here by Friday morning and we'll be announcing the winner later that day. Mahalo.
It's been brought to my attention that Kelly Bird and our production guy Brian Mettee never actually argue with each other. They just argue with everyone else. Therefore my premise for Saw 3 is a failed premise. But I just got a new idea for Saw 3. You get a room with two-way mirrors so everyone can look in but you can't look out and you put Scott and Carroll in there with their small dogs. The evil Saw guy would trick people into watching them interact with their pets. And here's the twist, neither Scott nor Mike, or their dogs, die or anything like that, it's the people who are watching that want to kill themselves. So that's the idea. What do you think?
Clip of the Day! Guy goes Peterka on the flat bar with a feeble to back Smith.
Kutter! Jav! Where's my video?
He works hard and he parties hard.
Smyth just got back from Texas and all we got were these lousy photos. Jereme & Holmes and, Ryan Clements, welcome to The Tap.
QUOTE:
“It's always harsh” —B. Mettee
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11/8/05
To the guy who makes the Saw movies, I got the premise for Saw 3 ready to go. Here it is: Instead of having these elaborate escape scenarios that involve killing someone else or cutting through limbs to get out alive, you just lock Kelly Bird and our production guy Brian Mettee in a room with nothing in it. Not even a saw. They'll start off just arguing about important issues like server space and whether or not you should put ice in the urinal to kill the smell and that would escalate to someone's demise at the end of the 24-hour period or however long they get in the movie. I've never actually seen Saw or Saw 2 but Koston and his lady explained the plot to me the other night. So what do you think?
We'll real proud of everyone who has been sending in there non skate photos for the opening page, but please send them to Sanger and not me. It just saves a couple of steps.
There's a new Featured Feature! Fourstar's The Super Champion Funzone trailer is now up second from the right on the bottom.
Friend of the Tap, Isaac Ramos, famous for his Dogg N Pony record label, but even more famous for the poached photo of Spike eating Poquito Mas, has opened up a store for his label and to sell some boards. It's at 4561 Santa Monica Blvd. here in LA
QUOTE:
“I'm contemplating going backside over the can.” —Rudy
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11/7/05
For all the Tappers sending in photos for the front page, as Sheffey would say, "Bring the pain!" You guys can come up with some funnier images than these and save the skate photos for Photograffiti. I expect improvements by the end of the week.
This dude, Brian Palmer, instead of sending in a Dog photo sent in this cautionary tail about busting into a Samoan bar with a can of mace:
"I thought you might like to hear this story (or pass it on to Smyth). My roommate is a teamster and works with a bunch of Samoan ex-cons. Apparently one of them forgot to pay his bail and Dog was sent to find him. So last week he's drinking at a Samoan bar in South City with his friends when all of a sudden Dog busts in with his camera crew and holstered can of mace and tries to take this guy down. These dudes are just drinking, having a good time and have no idea what's going on and they do what they would normally do when some crazy guy tries to mace one of their friends, they beat the shit out of him. Dog ended up in the hospital and the camera crew got the whole thing on tape. The guy who Dog was originally trying to get was taken in this past week by Dog's people, but there was no camera crew the second time. I guess they didn't trust Leland to get his man without getting his ass kicked."
Clip of the Day! Popwar's Mike Barker was part of the Scuba session in the park last week where he switch tre'd the gap. He really looks like a young Cairo. He just needs the glasses and a nollie hard.
QUOTE:
“How do you do identity theft?” —Alex Olson
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11/4/05
Ringer, Bob K sent me an email to let me know he got some new pets. Yeah, he misses us, and he also misses Wahoo's were he was awarded customer of the month. He said he doesn't miss Bird though.
The Bounty is still on the loose. The Da Kine Crail Contest is still up for grabs. Some of these chumps claiming to be the Dog the Bounty Hunter for Halloween couldn't even pass for Leland brah, hell they couldn't pass for Young Blood. Send your entrees here. If you win this will be your reward. And remember you gotta out Dog this dog.
Clip of the Day! Valsurf's latest little dude, Justin Schulte performs a 5-0 to manny to 5-0. According to Justin, on the streets, it's the Clip of the Day is held in a higher regard than a 411 opener. Da Da Da Da Da Da Do Dilla Da Da.
Had lunch today with Ben "Troll Monger" Colen and, I swear to God, he ordered a bowl of soup with a hollowed out center that held purple gemstones that were on fire! I swear!
A Tap fan sent us this Gonz sighting in New York. He felt it was comparable to shooting a photo of Bigfoot. He's not really a Tap fan either. He's actually this guy I know named Kevin.
Smyth tried to get real on me when he found out that his episode 18 review never went up, you remember the one with the backwards Farley? Well here it is, as well as Episode 19.
We got sent a complete with the trucks mounted the wrong way, so all day we tried to make people ride it without telling them. Boy, it was crazy. Don't you just love Fridays!?
QUOTE:
“San Jose is SoCal to me.” —Phelps
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11/3/05
Da Kine Crail Contest reminder! All you have to do is produce a photo of you or someone you know with a better Dog the Bounty Hunter Halloween costume than Smyth. The winner gets a board and the very wig that Smyth used for the contest. All the other people who have just been sending me random Halloween contest get stink eye. Send your Dog photos here.
I know it's almost Thanksgiving, but here's a Halloween gallery.
Park Clip of the Day. He grew up in Simi Valley, skating with some of the world's best, only to be pushed into being the guy behind the camera. Now he travels the globe and gets free product. He was born Steve Chalme, but the world knows him by another name, Scuba Steve.
One trip with Scott and Alex O is already picking up the shameful habit of shitting in the woods. Teach him well Scott.
There's on ode to Jereme on Skatedaily today. I hope the IRS don't check that site.
QUOTE:
“Go cry on somebody else's shoulder, get back to rockin', you faggots.” —Jeremy Carnahan on the one Metallica balad on Ride The Lightning
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11/2/05
Our ex warehouse manager Richard (he's got a new title now, but I don't know what it is) has a mother who teaches high school and like's Dorothy Hamill. Learn more with her Family Member Survey.
Are they talking about Koston?
New Contest! The Da Kine Crail Contest. When it comes to getting outfitted for Halloween old Smyth puts in more time and effort than Nick Tershay on a MySpace profile. Smyth takes great pleasure in out costuming his fellow man. This year he went as his favorite Bounty Hunter Bruddah, Dog Chapman, aka The Dog. So here's the contest, produce a photo of you or someone you know who out dressed Smyth as Dog the Bounty Hunter for Halloween this year and you'll win some boards from Smyth and his Dog wig. Send your photos here. Deadline is not this Friday, but the one after that.
Halloween gallery tomorrow. Right Sam?
Yosemite slideshow tomorrow. Right Rickk?
The Lakai film trip has come to an end, so Skate Fairy, or as we like to call it, the New Romper Room should be getting some updates soon. Right Skate Fairy?
QUOTE:
“Daewon was killing the miniramp while we were playing basketball.” —Rickk
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11/1/05
It's been pointed that I'm not the only one popular in the polls around here. Carroll's killing it over here and Koston's ruling it over there. Actually Smyth and I are getting stomped over at Raymond's as of late.
Today in Sam's office, while he was on the phone with Budget Rental Car, he referred to himself as a "Team Manager." Wow! Sorry "Talent" you guys have just been demoted to just being a "Team" again. I wonder if it was his Beverly Hills dentist on the phone if he would have had a different response, say, maybe "Celebrity Liaison."
Rumor has it that there's a DVS slot machine at The Hard Rock. Gav you're a genius.
QUOTE:
“I wasn't gonna pay money to have guys pull down my pants.” —Brian Mettee
“I started with a 100 jumping jacks. I wanna ease my way into it.” —The Gav on exercise
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