Motto:
"Artist's Who Hate Other Artist's."
CURRENT ENTRY
TUESDAY, NOV 30, 2004
>>
Amongst the construction and landscaping, Carroll and his chick pulled
themselves together to host their first Thanksgiving
Feast.
>>
We're brewing up a Carroll contest. Don't know what'll it be, but
it's gonna involve a lot of used clothes.
>>
You know what? We'll do Snake Boarding tomorrow. It seems more like
a Wednesday thing.
>>
Was this site ever supposed to be funny?
QUOTES:
"
I hate cute shit."
—Larson
CURRENT
ENTRY
MONDAY, NOV 29, 2004
>>
Wade Crowchild is back (see Featured Email), and slightly scarier.
Don't feel bad about Smyth's inability to bring in his sword and honor
your prize. He's been working on this "master" travel DVD
that will include all his favorite skits from Chappelle, Ali G, Will
Ferrell, etc., for the past six months. We've been on three trips
together, this weekend will make four, and he still hasn't brought
it yet because he hasn't filled up all 120 minutes yet. Cheap bastard.
>> Site of the day features our good friend French
Fred. He's not really our good friend, we still just feel bad
about Sheffey tossing him from the top of the pyramid so many years
ago.
>> Keepin'
It Real, lucky number 13, especially if your name is MJ.
>> Tomorrow we promise a photo gallery of Thanksgiving at Carroll's
as well as some serious Snake Boarding hammers.
QUOTES:
"If
I put on a wetsuit, sharks will attack me."
—Schnurr
"I ordered an exercise bike."
—Schnurr
"It was so crowed I was about to set up my Nixon tent."
—Hime
on Koston and Berra's new park
CURRENT ENTRY
WEDNESDAY, NOV 24, 2004
>>
Had dinner with Reda last night. Here's some of the topics he covered:
rude telemarketers, China never being a super power the way the U.S.
is, Felix, Gavin as a boss, O'Meally's boxing lessons, and New England
Clam Chowder. He's got a Top Five coming soon.
>> The no carb diet was broken today when they ordered pizza
for everyone here at the compound. But my theory is that carbs don't
count if they're free.
>> Winner of the Guess Smyth's Halloween Costume Contest, Wade
Crowchild, sent us another letter (check the Featured Email section)
chastising Smyth for his laziness. If Wade sends one more high caliber
email he might get his own column.
>> See ya Monday.
QUOTE:
"Well
now I'm just making a joke of it."
—Smyth
CURRENT ENTRY
TUESDAY, NOV 23, 2004
>>
Remember when Bob K fell asleep under his desk and was discovered
by the cleaning lady and Rickk's idea of reprimanding him was lighting
a pack of firecrackers and throwing them on him. Ah, the good ol'
days.
GUESS WHOSE TAT
(click
on image to reveal)
>> I'd lift the ban on Alex Parker but he doesn't like half
our squad, so the Alex Parker ban is still on. It's still on for Alex
Olson too, even if he can do hardflips into the Supreme bowl.
>> Picking out songs for videos sucks!
QUOTE:
"All
right, I'm going in next."
—Schnurr
on going to the bathroom after Rudy
CURRENT ENTRY
MONDAY, NOV 22, 2004
>>
Road Reps get Top
5s before Trend Forecasters. That's just the pecking order. We
don't write the rules, we just abide by them.
>>
The rest of today's transmission will celebrate the Lees in our lives.
First, we got an email from Lee Smith, or Le Lee. He went on a Cliché
Gypsy tour where the person deemed the most "Gypsiest" gets
a $1000. So if you want to cast your vote go to clicheskate.com.
It will be hard to make a call on who was the most "Gypsiest"
since the video hasn't been released yet here in America, but an uninformed
vote can still go a long way, as witnessed this past Nov. 3.
I once borrowed a tape from Lee Dupont at Pier 7 before I knew who
he was. I offered to buy it from him, but he just let me have it.
So to finally pay him back I
offer this photo.
>>
Today's Motto comes from David Lee Roth. I heard him say it on Howard
Stern. I thought it was fitting.
QUOTES:
"Jereme
Roger's hung like a horse."
—Phelps
"Wife
Swap is sick!"
—Rickk
CURRENT ENTRY
FRIDAY, NOV 19, 2004
>>
Richard Mulder isn't in real estate anymore or chinchilla ranching.
He's making greeting cards. True story.
>> Shamil showed up in a DGK ad. He's on
the right puffing a cig. That's 'Twon on the left. What's up guys.
>> Jeron replaces Roberts, after a four month run, in the cloud
below.
>> On the Lakai site they have a very professional flash intro
for their domain series. Very
professional.
QUOTES:
"You're
finished!"
—Meg
CURRENT ENTRY
THURSDAY, NOV 18, 2004
>>
Today is our boss' birthday. And even though she's never dropped into
a miniramp like Rudy's wife, it's good to know that we have a boss
who's 100% down for skateboarding. Could we get the entire volume
of 411s sent to her right away. She's got a three-day weekend coming
up and it'd be rad if she had something to watch.
>> Mike Carroll lent me the new Eminem album for me to burn.
I've been telling him that Smyth and I have been listening to it on
the way to work and he gets this real stoked look on his face. If
you can get Mike to make that face you're pretty stoked yourself,
you feel all warm inside like you're making a difference in the world.
And I realized that the pursuit of that feeling, of getting Mike to
look all stoked, is the fuel for the entire Girl operation. When it
comes down to it, we're all here just vying for Mike's attention.
>> As Dan Wolfe said, "This
shit is ridiculous." It takes a while to load but it's well
worth it.
>> My entire friendship, and let me tell you it's rock solid,
with Jason Dill spawned out of a conversation we had about the Real
World Seattle as we drove to SF in my GEO Prism, to meet up with Gino
and Keenan. We both thought that the black guy, Stephen, was gay for
sure. Here's Smyth's Keepin' It Real,
episode 12.
QUOTES:
"I
want a contest about me."
—Nick
Diamond
"I
think I need tighter jeans."
—Rob
Abeyta
"I'm
out of tune with certain Christian things."
—Richard
Mulder
"We
could dress like bikers and sing the pussiest music."
—Jeremy
Carnahan
"Dude,
the Desert Twins are like quote encyclopedias."
—Larson
CURRENT ENTRY
WEDNESDAY, NOV 17, 2004
>>
We said yesterday but we meant today. So we bring you the winner of
the PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON JEREME CONTEST. It was some of the toughest
judging in Tap history. But when the dust settled we gave it to a
Tapper who refers to himself as NG13.
He had this to say about it, "Now JEREME slides into the whole
Halloween Reenactment Photo thing. Public Rail, so No Helmet. We ALL
Win!" Here's a
gallery of the runner ups.
>> Smyth's lady is on a cruise so still no Halloween reenactment
photo. Sorry Wade. Turn up the Norwegian black.
>> It's a bit unnerving when you're talking to your boss and
there's a book with a life size portrait of Burt Reynolds sitting
on her desk staring at you.
>> Rickk next time you think you're gonna be on TV because you
have floor seats call someone yourself to TiVo it. Don't make Frost
do it.
QUOTE:
"That's
the kind of stuff I write."
—Scott
and David Brent
CURRENT ENTRY
TUESDAY, NOV 16, 2004
>>
Once I saw Dawes and O'Dell get in each other's face at a Jersey barrier
spot in SF. I think it was over snaking each other. It was pretty
macho. And that's why Epicaly
Later'd is the site of the day. They even have photos of Lee and
Smyth on there.
>> Did we say that we were gonna announce the PUT SOME DAMN
CLOTHES ON JEREME CONTEST today? Well, we meant tomorrow.
>> Jeron interview coming soon where we ask the question "How's
traveling with Carroll?" Should be exciting stuff. We forgot
to ask him if he still sucks his thumb, though.
QUOTE:
"A
hippie with an agenda."
—Burnett
CURRENT ENTRY
MONDAY, NOV 15, 2004
>>
Today would have been Dirt McDirt's 36th birthday, but unfortunately
he checked in over the weekend. ODB was a friend to all Tappers and
he will be missed. See ya on the others side Ol' Dirty.
>> Matt Schnurr hasn't broke out of his Wu-Tang bubble since
1993. He even bought the Masta Killah album. So we tapped into his
expertise on the subject:
MINI
5 WITH MATT SCHNURR
Matt Schnurr's Top 5 favorite things about Ol' Dirty Bastard:
1. Pulls up in a limo to pickup his welfare check
2. He's got burned two times like my friend Tim, not The Gav Tim though
3. The song Dogshit
4. Changed his name to Big Baby Jesus
5. Like me, he's been shot
>> He clowned us in Carbondale but we
still love him.
QUOTE:
"I
couldn't believe it I was so bummed. I was running tribute all day."
—Matt
Schnurr
CURRENT ENTRY
FRIDAY, NOV 12, 2004
>>
Does Gav really? Oh yes he
does! We
lost him.
>> Me and Smyth have made further developments to our show "Just
Koston!" by changing it to "Just Koston". We dropped
the exclamation point. It seemed too angry. And angry really isn't
Koston.
>> Squashed beef, swastikas, skanks, and a reference to The
Greatest American Hero? It must be another installment of Smyth's
Keepin'
It Real.
>> Wardrobe
malfunction number two!
QUOTE:
"That
fake hard thing."
—Shea
CURRENT ENTRY
THURSDAY, NOV 11, 2004
>>
Thanks to Cliché enthusiast, Kelly Bird, we had a premier of
their new video, "Freedom Fries," here at the plant. In
attendance were Bird,
Rickk, Smyth, and myself. Lucas and JB are amazing.
>> Mouse and The Chocolate Tour were made on this
contraption.
GUESS
WHOSE TAT
(click
on image to reveal)
QUOTE:
"I
wish I had four hands so I could give it four thumbs up."
—Rickk
on "Freedom Fries"
CURRENT ENTRY
WEDNESDAY, NOV 10, 2004
>>
Scott might find some time in his day to go see "Fade to Black"
the new Jay-Z movie. But then again he might not. Might not have enough
time.
>> Still no sword, that means still no Halloween couple reenactment
photo either.
>> Me and Smyth have come up with an idea for a TV show. It's
called "Just Koston!" We'll flush out the details later.
>> Donny
Miller is rumored to be getting on Skate
Mental.
>> The nice Huf
Top 5 up.
GUESS
WHOSE TAT!
(click on image to reveal)
QUOTE:
"Are
you catching a beat down right now?"
—Bird
"Eric
has his two eggs in too many baskets."
—Jeremy
Carnahan
CURRENT ENTRY
TUESDAY, NOV 09, 2004
>>
To the guy who won Smyth's sword, by guessing that he was the dude
from the Paranoid album cover, you're gonna have to wait a bit for
your prize. See Smyth had to take the sword back so he can dress back
up in his costume, have Wrong Diana, his girlfriend, dress back up
in hers so they can take a picture together, since they didn't get
one together on Halloween. Now that's love. Guy who won the sword
you're bumming. You'll have to wait.
>> We have a newer contest and it's even better than the Smyth
one. It's the PUT
SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON JEREME CONTEST!
Here's what you have to do. Take this photo
of Sherm and put some damn clothes on him! Who ever gives him
the best get up will win an entire outfit from us, head to toe. Email
it to me. We'll announce the winner next Tuesday.
>> For those of you cutting edge enough to own a cell that can
surf the net, that's Koston, Carroll, and Rickk, the randoms are now
loading.
>> Tomorrow the Huf Top 5 will be up…hopefully.
>> Alex Parker, banned from the Tap. And Alex Olson too.
QUOTE:
"There's
gotta be someone else at the company who can deal with this crap."
—Meg
CURRENT ENTRY
MONDAY, NOV 08, 2004
>>
Larson is alive and healthy. And he's picked a winner for the LARSON'S
TRASH IS ANOTHER CRAIL READER'S TREASURE, CONTEST.
I'm glad I'll never have to type that out again. The winner is Matt
K. from Australia. Here's his entry:
Top 5 reasons why San Diego rules your face into the ground (by a
guy who's never been there before)
1. People are 2% less likely to spit on you than anywhere else in
the world
2. The city's named after Diego Maradonna, so you know that snorting
coke off a supermodel's privates isn't out of the question
3. I spilt mayonnaise on the crotch area of my jeans during lunch.
I'm rocking it with pride
4. Why am I doing this? Melbourne is way cooler than San Diego
5. When I got to work this morning there was an impressionable young
teen vomiting her Weeties up in my company's front garden. I clapped.
Vomiting in public is rad, but doing it at 7 in the morning in front
of a tram full of people on a Friday is downright sexy
Congrats Matt. A box of Larson's trash will be sent to you soon. Thanks
for living in Australia and killing us on postage. Couldn't one of
you goofs from Diego come up with something better?
>> That "geek", Mike Burnett, from Cardiff came up
with a good one but he's a friend of the company so he's disqualified.
It'd be like if Howard Stern's cousin won the Butter Face contest.
It just wouldn't be fair to the fans. Here's his five:
Top Five Reasons Why San Diego is the best city on Earth
1. Willy Santos' used boards for $35 (used pants for $40!)
2. Home of Transworld, The Skateboard Mag and that new mag, Intercontinental
Skateboardering.
3. You can rent a white convertible Pontiac Sunfire and drive around
LaJolla while spoiling your lobster dinner with specialty fudges.
4. Dave Crabb's home-away-from-home (1987-1991)
5. Home prices are the same as Hollywood, but very little chance
of bumping into Paully Shore at Whole Foods every other fuckin' day.
Don't fret those that didn't win. We'll have a new contest tomorrow
involving Jereme's alabaster nude body and a handrail.
>> The Daily Mirror comes hard, and correct.
Mike Carroll sent that. He's experienced a political awakening this
year.
QUOTE:
"It
took a guy who's never been there to give five reasons why San Diego
is cool?"
—Meg
CURRENT ENTRY
FRIDAY, NOV 05, 2004
>>
Today we were meant to announce the winner of the LARSON'S TRASH IS
ANOTHER CRAIL READER'S TREASURE, CONTEST, but Larson is in the emergency
room. So we'll do it Monday, hopefully.
>> Smyth is back with a new
Keepin' It Real post, where he only used the word "Bitch"
three times. C'mon Smyth let's pick it up!
>> Meg wanted us to do a Top Five with "someone nice for
a change." So tomorrow we bring you the Huf Top 5, with the nicer
Huf, Keith. Anne's the meaner one.
>> Who would win in a game of S.K.A.T.E? This
guy or this
guy? We find out soon.
>> Snicket's
on!
QUOTES:
"I
like sleepovers."
—Rickk
"You
know when I enter a 'scene' I got my phazers on Geek."
—Burnett
"Chippendales
is way better, I guarentee."
—Charlene
CURRENT ENTRY
THURSDAY, NOV 04, 2004
>>
The Se Hable Canuck DVD is now available for private viewings in our
Featured Feature section.
>> I'm about to go to a meeting and I'm bringing the Motley
Crue autobiography with me?oh yeah, and Carroll too. Sounds important,
huh?
>> Scooch and Carroll were so bummed yesterday about another
four years of Bush that they moped over to the Beverly Center Shopping
Mall and Coldstone's Ice Cream. What a way to mourn.
GUESS
WHOSE TAT?
(click on image to reveal)
>> Jeron, fill out those questions we sent you!
QUOTE:
"Don't
do that again."
—Alexander
Parker
CURRENT ENTRY
WEDNESDAY, NOV 03, 2004
>>
Only an hour after the GUESS WHO SMYTH WAS FOR HALLOWEEN CONTEST?
was announced, Wade Crowchild from Calgary, Canada emailed us and
correctly identified who Smyth was. Shortly thereafter another 50
people or so guessed it with much authority. As Wade himself nonchalantly
put it, "Pffft, I wanted to do this for Halloween for years now
but I’m just too fat. It’s the dude from the cover art for
Black Sabbath’s Paranoid."
Smyth you gotta get some new friends. Wade, we’ll be sending
you Smyth’s sword, (which
almost got puked on that night and stuck got in a car door like Excalibur),
as well as some XL t-shirts and other stuff.
>>Other
popular guesses were the Trojan Man and Link from Zelda. That’s
our audience, nerds who are practicing safe sex, if they’re getting
any at all.
>>Achievement
in advertising for October of 2004 goes to: click!
A rocket flip that doesn’t leave the ground and a flapping street
plant.
>>Friday
is the deadline for LARSON’S
TRASH IS ANOTHER CRAIL READER'S TREASURE, CONTEST!
You need to give us 5 Reason’s Why San Diego is the Greatest
City in the World. It’s just to impress Larson.
Here’s
Megan’s Top 5 Reasons Why San Diego Sucks:
1. If you run out of gas in that weird long stretch near Camp Pendleton,
there is no where to exit so you have to run on foot to the next exit.
And if it is late at night it makes it twice as scary and then you
have to have a Marine take you back to your car with the can of gas
and be nervous while he stairs at you with a look that says, "What
am I getting in return?"
2. They have to hire people from other states to tell them what’s
cool.
3. It’s still controversial there to have an inter-racial relationship,
just like Kentucky.
4. Home of the Trade Show
5. Larson left
QUOTES:
"Oh
shit."
—Democratic
Party
"I
probably wasn't supposed to say that"
—Scuba
Steve
CURRENT
ENTRY
TUESDAY, NOV 02, 2004
>>
And yet another contest. It's the GUESS WHO SMYTH WAS FOR HALLOWEEN
CONTEST!
You see, nobody from our cesspool of friends could figure out what
he was so we want to put the costume to the test with the general
population. The first person to guess
who Sam was attempting to be for Halloween will win a prize. We
don't know what the prize is yet, but we'll make it juicy. Here's
a hint: Think something within the realm of music, but it's not an
actual musician. Bonus hint: Ignore the Chucks, he just couldn't find
any boots to wear. Send them here.
Good luck, you'll need it.
>> Also a reminder to win Larson's box you have to have your
entries (your Top 5 Reasons Why San Diego is the Greatest City in
the World) in by this Friday. Send them here.
>> PJ Ladd and Rickk have the same car!
QUOTE:
"I
want a beret!"
—Charlene
CURRENT
ENTRY
MONDAY, NOV 01, 2004
>>
A Halloween
to remember.
>>
The Skate Fairy
is at it again. No jock shit on this site, that's for sure.
>>
Smyth
comes correct on his ninth
episode update.
QUOTE:
"I
gotta a lot of fans."
—Larson
See past Randoms