Top 5 things about being in Eastern Exposure three
1. It made me "skateboard famous". Which means not famous at all.
2. People were surprised when they saw that I was in color in real life and not in black and white.
3. I did a late shove-it as sort of a joke in my part and then I saw people doing them for real pretty soon after.
4. People tell me it's one of their favorite videos, which makes me a happy humbled honky to have been a part of something like that.
5. Hanging out with Dan Wolfe, Donny Barley, Reese Forbes, and Rick Oyola during that time and doing poll jams off everything i.e. prosthetic legs, peoples shins, long pieces of frozen dog shit, etc.
Top 5 things about growing up with Pancho Moler
1. I had a skateboarding midget for a sidekick that was fucking amazing and better than most tall people. Support the short!
2. His adorable tater tot biceps.
3. He's one of those guys that's funny when he means to be and funny when he doesn't mean to be. That's basically one of the best combos ever right there. Oh...and he's still a little man after all that. The Triple threat!
4. When he lived with me we would do our laundry together and I would laugh uncontrollably every time I held up a pair of his itsy-bitsy clean socks and asked if they were his or mine.
5. Watching him and my asshole friend Nick get into spit fights where they just spit back and forth into each others faces. Nick cracked a raw egg on his head one day for no reason whatsoever. It was real random and then Nick cracked an egg on his own head before Pancho could do it back to him...thus beating Pancho to the punch.
Top 5 things about New Jersey
1. Living close to NYC but at the end of the day I get to sleep in a nice house in the woods rather than a small overpriced apartment with some thick ass weight liftin' roaches for roommates.
2. I like traveling out of the brutally cold weather here in the winter to go skate somewhere warm and then coming back with a gorgeous man tan. It's a fun one to rub in the faces of my pasty friends and family members that never go anywhere.
3. Four seasons a year but then hating on the two cold ones with a passion.
4. Crusty ass spots that are only getting crustier.
5. Bon Jovi is from here and he's a genius.
Top 5 funny people
1. Brian Siswojo from Hong Kong...one of the illest humans ever.
2. Jim Cramer from the Mad Money show.
3. Mitch Hedberg
4. Zach Galifinakis
5. The Sacramento Trifecta known as Omar Salazar, Stefan Janoski, and Brandon Biebel.
Top 5 video parts
1. Mike Carroll "Questionable"
2. Guy Mariano "Mouse"
3. Lenny Kirk "Timecode"
4. Brian Lotti "Now 'N' Later"
5. Pretty much any bit of footy that Cardiel has had in any Anti Hero video.
Top 5 things about attending a high school reunion
1. Laughing at how disgustingly fat and bald everybody got since I last laid eyes on them.
2. Hot chicks in my class that I jerked off to like a madman while thinking about them all want to do me now because my face has popped up on their TV's for a split second and I'm still skinny.
3. More laughs at the expense of all the pathetic alumni that dropped anchor on life and now just suck beer down all day at some bar. Oh so pitiful.
4. Having people say to me "You look exactly the same!" and me thinking "Goddamn really...cus' you look like a dead body."
5. Leaving the reunion and knowing I won't have to see most of those heads again for at least another ten years.
Top 5 movies
1. Buffalo 66
3. Dumb and Dumber
4. Punch Drunk Love
5. 2 Girls 1 Cup of course...I think it's up for a Golden Globe this year. 2 Girls 1 Finger is a good one too.
Top 5 things about skating for Zoo York
1. Eli Gesner's art direction
2. Ricky Oyola
3. I felt so urban!
4. Hoods in my school were sweatin' my Zoo shirts because it was before anybody outside of skating knew what Zoo York was
5. I don't know...free boards?
Top 5 things about skating for Element
1. They sent me on my first trips to Europe, Australia, and various other places that weren't New Jersey
2. Skating the ramp in the back of the warehouse with Donny Barley and learning a lot of tranny tactics from watching him get crazy nice on that thing.
3. Becoming teammates with my childhood idol Natas Kaupas when he was brought aboard which I never could've imagined when I was a little kid. And then getting quickly jaded to that fact and proceeding to annoy him with putrid tour farts.
4. Being the little kid on the squad.
5. Quitting them because I hated the uninspired art direction was fun.
Top 5 things about skating for Habitat
1. Joe Castrucci
2. Fred Gall and his whole nonstop entertaining life.
3. Most of my best comrades ride for Habitat.
4. Almost everybody plays the gay guitar like a bunch of douche bags...even I've been sucked in and am a fake Woodie Guthrie from time to time. Danny Garcia is actually good though.
5. It's based out of Ohio which is real obscure and I like that.
Top 5 things about writing for skateboard magazines
1. Writing articles that are too controversial and then getting an email back where they ask if I can rewrite it so it is less offensive.
2. Getting checks for typing up what is essentially nothing more than poop and boner jokes.
3. Not graduating high school but somehow having a better position in writing than a lot of people that attended tons of schooling for the same type of gig.
4. It forced me to learn how to email because I used to fax in handwritten articles before that to the magazines and they were definitely not too into that deal.
5. Never writing contractions so that I can make more loot. i.e. writing "do not' instead of "don't" because I'm getting paid by the word.
Top 5 words
1. Scatological...it sounds smart but you're really just talking about poopie.
3. Pink (if you say it a lot it just sounds funny. It sounds like the noise you would hear if you shot a BB at something metallic)
Top 5 things about not drinking until your legal drinking age
1. If I found the entertainment value in booze earlier in life I may have just concentrated on being a professional drinker.
2. I didn't get any girls in high school pregnant by drunk humping them and not knowing when to pull out. No accidental teen babies made on my behalf.
3. I never needed a fake ID
4. I saved a lot of per diem on tours by not spending it on rounds of shots for random assholes that I could care less about in a sober mind state.
5. I read a lot and skated more while everybody else was out drinking.
Top 5 funny things about skateboarding today
1. The Life of Ryan. He's Vanilla Ice'd himself. He'll never be able to live this down for as long as he lives. A couple of dollars and insignificant fame are not worth doing the worst show ever to buy your mom fake titties and be haunted for the rest of your life for such a fucking gay show.
2. Fedoras galore
3. Tight pants. They seem to be fading away finally but they'll always be funny to me. It looks like denim ballerinas riding skateboards. Ethan Fowler set it off and is the only one that can really get away with it cus' he's got good style.
4. I love Heath Kirchart but everybody jumped on his nuts and got Harley Davidson's. I like a lot of people that ride Harley's too but its funny that it's a trend now.
5. Skater's holding guitars, cameras, and other artsy stuff in lifestyle shots so that they look deep. I think I might be guilty of this move and that's funny.
Top 5 reasons why starting to skate in the 80s is best
1. Jump ramp and streetplant sessions with Vision Street Wear fanny packs on. I had my asthma inhaler in my fanny pack.
2. Early grabbing out of curb cuts was a legit trick.
3. Slappie feebles on double sided curbs.
4. It kept my little kid mind from stressing out about the Cold War.
5. Getting honestly psyched off that part in Police Academy 4.
Top 5 things about announcing contests
1. Making fun of people with more decibel power than usual.
2. Getting a paycheck for talking shit.
3. Knowing that I can land my verbal adjectives every time and I'm going to definitely get money no matter what.
4. Telling people they're lucky I'm not skating the contest cus' if I was I'd be winning the shit out of this thing right now. Maybe I can skate a contest while holding a mic and announce my own run next time.
5. Losing my voice and sucking down sacks of throat lozenges to keep my voice from cracking like a young boy eeking his way through puberty.
Top 5 people who have wanted to fight you
1. A couple of Tampa Am kids that I really don't know the names of otherwise I would name them. It's rare that somebody can't take a joke at that contest but oh so much funnier when they can't and want to fight me.
2. Pancho Moler while we were snowed in at my house during an intense game of Street Fighter II where I kicked his ass with all the worst characters...like Zangief and Dhalsim. He snapped after I beat him with Balrog.
3. Blazing hot chicks that I said "Eeewww" to when I first saw them just to piss them off cus' that definitely never happens to them.
4. My lesbian neighbors at my old house that had matching ape drape mullets. They looked so stereotypical dyke chic that it was pretty insane. They wanted to fight over everything that I ever did that made any sort of noise.
5. That's about it that I'm aware of...everybody else fucking loves me.
Top 5 things people would be surprised to learn about you
1. I've donated serious amounts of loot to charities.
2. I read a lot about science and different religions. The more info I have on religions makes me more and more of an atheist.
3. I cried a tear or two when I watched "Win A Date With Tad Hamilton" while I was on an airplane by myself. Weird and unnecessary I know...but somehow true.
4. I can type fast as shit with my eyes closed and not make a single mistake. I took a typing class in school when I was little.
5. I can drive my car on two wheels for about a half-mile.
Top 5 ways of saying, "Goodbye"
1. "See you never." When it's true.
2. "I rather have AIDS then see you again." This one is a classic.
3. Jim Carrey as Lloyd Christmas in the critically acclaimed Dumb and Dumber beautifully executes a proper goodbye to Mary Swanson at the airport.
4. Just leave in the middle of a conversation real randomly without saying anything.
5. I hope I know when I'm gonna' die so I can say "See you in purgatory mother fuckers." right before I kick it. "See you never." would once again be good as well.