He got his face palmed by Sheffey, he got fired by George Powell, he quit on Steve Rocco, and, even more impressive, he answered these Top 5 questions without even mentioning his new book "Disposable: A History of Skateboard Art." The Toppest of the Five-est Sean Cliver.
Top 5 graphics that got you in trouble:
1. Powell Peralta Frankie Hill "Clint Eastwood" (1991): George Powell reamed me for allegedly trying to get the company sued when he first saw the Eastwood design I did for Frankie's second or third pro model; incidentally, the graphic was never cease-and-desisted or the company sued.
2. Blind Jason Lee "Claudia Schiffer" (1991): This was supposed to be Adam McNatt's first pro model on Powell Peralta, but then I got fired/laid off and took the idea to my next employer. George was none too happy about this, seeing as they still planned on using it. But Rocco made the graphic happen for Blind first and George later called me a "total asshole" for having done so in a very awkward confrontation.
3. Blind Ron Bertino "Fresh Freddy Krueger" (1992 - unreleased): Being elitist dicks, Marc McKee and I used to make fun of the Plan B graphics all the time - a pastime equivalent to making fun of retarded children, I guess. So one ill-advised time I took a sarcastic jab at the horror theme of Danny Way's graphics and the dope aspects of Sal Barbier's. The seemingly innocuous joke was "Fresh Freddy," but it soon blew up and out of proportion and all the wrong parties interpreted the graphic as a personal attack on Plan B's owner, Mike Ternasky. Following a less than fun run in with Danny Way in the hallways of the World offices, "Fresh Freddy" got capped in his unfinished dome and took a dirt nap.
4. World Industries Chico Brenes "Travelodge Bear" (1993): I was so annoyed by the fact Chico wanted the f'ing Travelodge bear as a graphic that I ripped it off in a total half-ass manner. Rocco was so pissed on seeing the shoddy outcome in shipping that I had to redo the damn thing a second time. Pretty funny, a professional artist getting yelled at for not copying something well.
5. Blind Guy Mariano "Bye Bye Kitty" (1992): An obligatory cease-and-desist - nothing more, nothing less.
Top 5 things about getting your face palmed by Sean Sheffey:
1. Realizing I'd just been sold down the river for a Big Brother crime that I was - for once - not responsible for.
2. Being all too aware of the fabled Sheffey mythology, as he took off my glasses and flipped them over his shoulder.
3. Knowing that the Sheffey mythology wasn't mythology at all, as the five fingers of Sean closed about my face like it was a moderate-sized grapefruit.
4. Acknowledging that I was about to become a part of the Sheffey mythology, as he pressed my head flat against a printing table in the screening department of World Industries
5. Not knowing whether to appreciate or be scared of the fact my survival instincts are either razor sharp or entirely non-existent: I just went limp, assumed the role of a dead fish, and hoped he'd let me go.
Top 5 Jackass cast members:
1. Dave England: Because no one else would.
2. Brandon Dicamillo: One of the best and he couldn't have cared less about the whole damn thing.
3. Ehren McGhehey: The worst in everyone else always brought out Ehren's best.
4. Ryan Dunn: No more than a half-hour after meeting him he went Jacques Cousteau into a sewage treatment tank. Normally you'd think a person such as this was a total dink, but Ryan's actually a really nice guy.
5. Johnny Knoxville: Funny guy, but my two-year old son has a better autograph.
Top 5 job titles:
1. Newspaper Delivery Boy (1980-1987)
2. Executive Editor of Big Brother Magazine (1997-2000)
3. Co-Producer Jackass the Movie (2002)
4. Co-Executive Producer Wildboyz (2003-present)
5. Car Washer (future)
Top 5 things you miss about Big Brother Magazine:
1. Not having to look over my shoulder at ASR trade shows anymore.
2. The golden age of classic Jeff Tremaine and Rick Kosick arguments.
3. Wondering when my parents were going to disown me.
4. Photos of switch crooked grinds.
5. Being able to fuck up as much as you wanted to on a job and never get fired.
Top 5 ways to talk a pro skater out of being angry with you:
1. Big Brother Verbal Judo - Step 1: Play dumb - extremely dumb; no sense in being smart on these occasions.
2. Big Brother Verbal Judo - Step 2: "You're right I'm wrong, end of story."
3. Big Brother Verbal Judo - Step 3: And if it wasn't "end of story," then just shrug it off on Tremaine.
4. Big Brother Verbal Judo - Step 4: Offer them an interview in the mag - always made for good reading.
5. Big Brother Verbal Judo - Step 5: Invite them on a mag tour to prove we weren't the mean-spirited bastards everyone believed us to be - just ask Rob Dyrdek, he became a believer after Mardi Gras '95.
Top 5 reasons to roll your car:
1.Because there's really nothing better going on at the time.
2. Because if you don't do it, how will you ever know.
3. Because 1987 Celica STs just weren't cool in 1992 - Hondas and Acuras were the next level shit.
4. Because everyone needs an embarrassing story to stalk them throughout the years.
5. All right already, so it was a dead fucking mosquito - get off my back, jerks.
Top 5 ways to impress girls before you were married:
1. In sweaty dance clubs, take off the shirt and simulate karate-like dance moves or the spasmodic moves of a drooling paraplegic.
2. Insult them, repeatedly and mercilessly.
3. Find a cowboy hat, adopt a poor Australian accent, and ask any stranger who walks by if they can spare a hit of smack or line of coke. Doesn't hurt to be wearing a tank top, too.
4. Go fatalistic sensitive white whipping boy and write ridiculous letters of love - but only if the girl in question is totally inaccessible and involved with other people (or multiple people).
5. Wear new age crystals, buy designer brand flannel bed sheets, and drink red wine.
Top 5 vegan foods that taste like real food:
1. The Salisbury Seitan, at Real Food Daily in LA, CA.
2. The Lost Taco, at Dharma's in Santa Cruz, CA.
3. The Philly Peppersteak sandwich, at Native Foods in Costa Mesa, CA.
4. Vegan German Chocolate cookies, available at any Whole Foods in Norcal (they aren't available in Socal).
5. Vegan Chocolate Truffles, at home where my wife makes them all too infrequently now.
Top 5 stories about living with Tremaine:
1. Every Sunday during NFL season he camped out on the couch with a remote in one hand and the phone in the other, warring it out against all his little college buddies in silly Fantasy Football campaigns. And when it wasn't NFL season, they simulated these antics with all day sports video game fests.
2. He left the patio door open once and his tortoise crept in and pooped a diarrhea pancake on the hallway carpet.
3. I left the back door open once and this random heroin junkie walked in and asked Jeff about his paintings. I guess he thought they were pretty cool.
4. I thought I was gonna finally get some chicks, but the damn fool always got too drunk and dragged me down with him in the noble quest for barroom chaos. Took four years before I finally got some action thanks to those stupid karate dance moves?
5. One time he burnt his bagel in the toaster oven and it got totally smoky in the kitchen. Smelled for hours.