MICHAEL BURNETT
He was a Tap darling for about three weeks then his trail just kind of went cold. So in attempt revive his career we give you a Top 5 with The Ringer's 63rd favorite person, at least, Mike Burnett.


Top 5 people we may be surprised to hear have ridden in your car
1. Larry Moore's girlfriend
2. Lance Mountain
3. Elissa Steamer's mom and Danny Minnick (at the same time)
4. Peter Smolik's friend whose board got sprayed by a skunk (board had to ride in trunk)
5. Sean Sheffey (several times)

Top 5 Phelps' words the exact definition of which is sort of up in the air
1. Florfed it
2. Sand-bagged it
3. Faggitude
4. Rippitude
5. Zorched

Top 5 things dudes over 30 working in skateboarding talk about
1. Who's looking fat
2. What the fuck we're going to do for our next career
3. New skateparks we'll never actually go skate
4. Who's out of their minds
5. Not wanting to end up like Duncan

Top 5 skaters you loved when everyone else loved Hensley
1. Alan Losi
2. Ben Schroeder
3. Craig Johnson
4. Scott Stanton
5. Chris Miller

Top 5 mandatory points for a successful Michael Burnett Thrasher story
1. Places outside of America are different from America
2. Different food is different
3. Pro skaters are often jackasses
4. Drunker = funnier
5. America sucks

Top 5 best road trips
1. Boulder Dicks '00 (the year Ultimate Phil got fat)
2. KOTR '04 (everyone tried)
3. Boulder Dicks '01 (straight off the international flight to jello shooters = fuck-o)
4. South America '01 (Diego and Ed are totally awesome)
5. World Europe '98/Blind Europe '99 -tie - (the worst, but with some of the best stories - for example: instead of money for the trip, Thrasher gave me a sack of unpopular sizes of Spitfires)

Top 5 funniest people in skateboarding
1. Sean Cliver
2. Michael Sieben
3. Jason Phares
4. Mike Sinclair
5. Ed Templeton

Top 5 best skate photographers
1. That one fat dude
2. That kid who only shoots ads
3. That other kid who only shoots ads
4. That old guy who invented it for all of us
5. That rich kid who grew up with all those famous dudes

Top 5 Bands not to listen to with Mumford in the car (but at all other times)
1. Cat Power
2. Belle and Sebastian
3. Pixies
4. Silver Jews
5. More Cat Power

Top 5 secret "H" skaters for the skater name game
1. Howard Hood
2. Hondo Soto
3. Heath Sherratt
4. Harry Pupponon
5. Helge Tscharn

Top 5 least irritating filmers
1. Lee Dawg
2. French Fred
3. P-Stone
4. Dude
5. Little Danny

Top 5 places to move when you give up
1. Boulder, Colorado
2. Portland, Oregon
3. Ashland, Oregon
4. Denver, Colorado
5. Back in with my parents

Top 5 reasons to move
1. The I-5/805 merge
2. The Inland Empire
3. $300 elbow pad tickets at a shitty skatepark
4. Sessioning a shitty skatepark where it's you, thirteen BMXers and a little girl running around with a slice of pizza screaming and then you get the elbow pad ticket
5. Having a full-time job but always feeling poor

Top 5 sweet projects you'll never actually start
1. Book of skateboarding's best stories
2. Selling King of the Road as a TV show
3. Tape recording all of Jake's calls for a year
4. Coming-of-age novel involving a sensitive mini-ramp-skating teen from a small Texas town
5. Crail video skits (finished, but Rickk will never actually read them)

Top 5 mini-ramp contest enders (most often used in street events from 1989 to 1994)
1. Sweeper revert
2. Cab pivot body varial fakie
3. Frontside ollie to tail body varial fakie
4. Backside disaster to frontside smith to revert
5. Blunt attack! (bs blunt to blunt to bs disaster to blunt to fakie rock to 1/2 cab blunt 180 to blunt pivot fakie)

Top 5 scenes you've geeked (accidentally or otherwise)
1. The cool after-hours bar in Portland (accidentally)
2. Washington St. (accidentally)
3. Lincoln City (didn't bring beer for teenage deadbeats)
4. Wherever Max Schaaf is
5. Oregon camp site (by playing Scrabble in front of Anti-Hero farm league)

Top 5 great Coen Brothers films in order of greatness
1. The Big Lebowksi
2. Raising Arizona
3. Fargo
4. O' Brother Where are Thou?
5. The Man who Wasn't There

Top 5 finest Big Lebowski support characters
1. Knox Harrington, the video artist
2. Little Larry Sellers
3. Karl Hungus
4. Pilar Sellers
5. Wu

Top 5 reasons you got the Thrasher job out of Colorado in 1997
1. BK quit
2. Brian Brannon quit because of a Gap sweater ad
3. I called Jake slightly more often than Rich Johnson
4. I had already done a killer Cold Snap
5. Willing to move to Pedro

Top 5 nicknames, flattering or otherwise, given to you
1. Mike the Dyke - I think I had to ask my mom what one was
2. Sweeper King - totally inaccurate, I can't even jump them
3. Mini-Ramp Mike - these days "Couch Mike" would be more accurate
4. Modest Mike - I thought The Lonesome Crowded West was fantastic
5. Burndog - Smolik calls me this. I like it very much.

Top Five Reasons Your Friends Quit
1. Wanted to have a reasonable shot at doing it with a girl.
2. To party hardier.
3. Got fat and/or drunk.
4. Got a job doing the Randoms at Crailtap
5. 99 percent of my skate friends I met after high school still skate.

Top 5 Thrasher article titles
1. Zorched in Zuma
2. Hstoked - The Jerry Hsu Story
3. Bob Loseedo Wears a Speedo
4. Swamp Trogs from Outer Space
5. Dan Drehobl - Dead Man Skating

Top 5 reasons why skaters think they're not getting in Thrasher
1. They lost BK's number
2. They beat up Jake when he put them in the Most Hated Skater article
3. They thought it went out of business
4. They're not on Flip, Toy Machine or Zero
5. They don't realize that all they have to do is call me

Top 5 reasons why Full Power Trip should be re-released on DVD
1. Ben Schroeder's backside disaster to smith where he tears a whole sheet of masonite off the ramp before hitting his head.
2. Gator's run at the Band X pool
3. Roger Bridges' fakie ollie to smith
4. Mike Conroy's oop 5-0 fakie at Trashmore
5. Friend's dad taped an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos over most of Damon Byrd's part.

Top 5 traveling tips you've acquired over the years
1. Ghostbusters 2 can keep your mind off your wasted youth while you wait for the kids to wake up.
2. If Muska says to meet him in Arizona on Friday, he really means for you to fly there, take a cab to the La Quinta and watch Ghostbusters 2 for three days while you wait for him to answer his phone.
3. Don't look Lavar McBride directly in the eyes. Mens shouldn't look at other mens like that.
4. You can use a seatbelt to open a beer bottle, but you have to unbuckle it.
5. Always call ahead and get an aisle.

Top 5 power moves your first month on the job
1. Threw up in a Big Gulp cup on the 405 on the way to shoot Daniel Haney
2. Cold-called Caesar Singh
3. Botched a sequence of Guy Mariano
4. Shot street photos with Brian Patch
5. Wept